Post by mtmoore on Jan 6, 2009 10:33:22 GMT
Not sure where to begin on this so bear with me.
My wife has had very bad PMS since i've known her. I have had a few relationships before her with women that had had PMS and they would be grouchy and sensitive during that time - all the expected. With my wife however she will begin to turn on me nastly out of the blue (though now-a-days I can almost time it to a day or 2 that it will come on so can try and prepare for it) and nothing I do will ever be right, she becomes depressed and feels nothing is going right.
Last year we experienced 2 miscarriages which were exceptionally painful and left my wife doubting herself and her abilities to have another baby. So, I used my private health to see a specialist who performed every test under the sun and some on me, all came back clear and with no explanations. My wife was not happy with this and still didn't believe she'd ever give birth again. The specialist told us in our final appointment that there would be no reason why the 3rd attempt wouldn't result in a baby.
He was right! But, that 9 months was hard and long. Every day my wife would come up with something new that was going wrong to the point of absurd, like, i've eaten a packet of crisps do you think that will kill the baby? ..No it would not kill a baby, but she wouldn't believe it - everytime she got reassurance through a scan or doctor she would come up with something else. We ended up having something like 15 scans done privately because she would constantly feel the baby had died which ended up costing a fortune. None of the above I can criticise her for because she'd had the 2 MC's but it really wore down on me, and of course was bad for her.
Oddly after the 1st MC, she would get bad PMS twice a month and in each case, one of her ovaires would hurt. Again, no explanation could be found medically by the specialist.
Finally in Nov 2008 we had our baby, a beautiful girl via CSection.
Now 4-5 weeks on, she is starting to get hysterical about doing things wrong for her, like the bedroom is too cold or too warm. The matteress isn't right. She can't let her sleep in the cot because she can't hear her, but co-sleeping with her could cause her harm because of our matteress. The baby is bunged up, she might die....
Every morning and every night there's something new she will come up with that it is harmful for our baby. She takes this all out on me with tenseness and bitter comments so our arguments have escalated in the last few days, in one case I just stormed out and drove to Sainsburys of all places.. anywhere to be away from it for 20 minutes. I know I shouldn't have, but it gets to the point of desperation.
All this may sound like "me" "me" etc. Believe me, I do mostly all the housework, entertain our 5 year old son poor little thing, do the cooking, look after our daughter, work long hours and I try my damn hardest to reassure my wife both emotionally and practically. None of it is doing any good she's slowly getting worse and now talking of leaving and going back home abroad (she's not from the UK).
I don't know what to do, I realy don't. It was comforting to see another Dad on here just in tears, I feel that way as well, and tense, worked up, angry and really down - I love my wife and feel so proud of her.
During the pregnanycy I got her an appointment via our useless community midwife with an NHS Psychiatrist who was just short of completely useless. The woman pulled out a generic spreadsheet and asked her bog standard questions, like do you take drugs, does your husband take drugs etc... and that was it for 45 mins, end of help!
So, trying to get my wife help now is proving very difficult... I have suggested speaking to her GP but when she's ahd the useless experience she's had above she just complains that it'll do no good and will be useless.
She's not the type of person to take medication for anything unless life threatening, so i'm not sure she''ll take anti-depressants... also she breast feeds which may not be a good thing with ADs.
Suffice to say, she is a wonderfully caring mum and that can be seen in our very healthy, intelligent 5 year old son.. and with our daughter she is so caring. It really hurts me to see her this way at a time when we should all be really happy especially after the emotional struggle we had getting here.
Any advice, stories, comments whatever?
How did women on here get help and how did the dads cope?
M
My wife has had very bad PMS since i've known her. I have had a few relationships before her with women that had had PMS and they would be grouchy and sensitive during that time - all the expected. With my wife however she will begin to turn on me nastly out of the blue (though now-a-days I can almost time it to a day or 2 that it will come on so can try and prepare for it) and nothing I do will ever be right, she becomes depressed and feels nothing is going right.
Last year we experienced 2 miscarriages which were exceptionally painful and left my wife doubting herself and her abilities to have another baby. So, I used my private health to see a specialist who performed every test under the sun and some on me, all came back clear and with no explanations. My wife was not happy with this and still didn't believe she'd ever give birth again. The specialist told us in our final appointment that there would be no reason why the 3rd attempt wouldn't result in a baby.
He was right! But, that 9 months was hard and long. Every day my wife would come up with something new that was going wrong to the point of absurd, like, i've eaten a packet of crisps do you think that will kill the baby? ..No it would not kill a baby, but she wouldn't believe it - everytime she got reassurance through a scan or doctor she would come up with something else. We ended up having something like 15 scans done privately because she would constantly feel the baby had died which ended up costing a fortune. None of the above I can criticise her for because she'd had the 2 MC's but it really wore down on me, and of course was bad for her.
Oddly after the 1st MC, she would get bad PMS twice a month and in each case, one of her ovaires would hurt. Again, no explanation could be found medically by the specialist.
Finally in Nov 2008 we had our baby, a beautiful girl via CSection.
Now 4-5 weeks on, she is starting to get hysterical about doing things wrong for her, like the bedroom is too cold or too warm. The matteress isn't right. She can't let her sleep in the cot because she can't hear her, but co-sleeping with her could cause her harm because of our matteress. The baby is bunged up, she might die....
Every morning and every night there's something new she will come up with that it is harmful for our baby. She takes this all out on me with tenseness and bitter comments so our arguments have escalated in the last few days, in one case I just stormed out and drove to Sainsburys of all places.. anywhere to be away from it for 20 minutes. I know I shouldn't have, but it gets to the point of desperation.
All this may sound like "me" "me" etc. Believe me, I do mostly all the housework, entertain our 5 year old son poor little thing, do the cooking, look after our daughter, work long hours and I try my damn hardest to reassure my wife both emotionally and practically. None of it is doing any good she's slowly getting worse and now talking of leaving and going back home abroad (she's not from the UK).
I don't know what to do, I realy don't. It was comforting to see another Dad on here just in tears, I feel that way as well, and tense, worked up, angry and really down - I love my wife and feel so proud of her.
During the pregnanycy I got her an appointment via our useless community midwife with an NHS Psychiatrist who was just short of completely useless. The woman pulled out a generic spreadsheet and asked her bog standard questions, like do you take drugs, does your husband take drugs etc... and that was it for 45 mins, end of help!
So, trying to get my wife help now is proving very difficult... I have suggested speaking to her GP but when she's ahd the useless experience she's had above she just complains that it'll do no good and will be useless.
She's not the type of person to take medication for anything unless life threatening, so i'm not sure she''ll take anti-depressants... also she breast feeds which may not be a good thing with ADs.
Suffice to say, she is a wonderfully caring mum and that can be seen in our very healthy, intelligent 5 year old son.. and with our daughter she is so caring. It really hurts me to see her this way at a time when we should all be really happy especially after the emotional struggle we had getting here.
Any advice, stories, comments whatever?
How did women on here get help and how did the dads cope?
M
