Pregnant with number three

[Weeble]

So decided I would start one of these. I currently have severe PNI which has been diagnosed as depression and PTSD mix. I have a five month old T and a three and a half year old S. I had undiagnosed PND with my first child which has been recognised retrospectively and have been very ill with my second child.

The only symptom of PNI that i have not had is lack of interest in sex, my husband and I have had a great sex life since five days after T was born.

Anyway, we had unprotected sex in early jan and on wed I found out I was pregnant, I dont know the due date and I dont know if it will be successful I lost one 18 months ago to a ? ectopic ? Miscarriage.

I am very very scared about everything after the last few months and dont know how I am going to do this. I suggested that we "beam" it out the other day. To those of you on part of the forum, please fell free to comment, it would be great to share this with you

Writing is turning out to be the best way to control my urge to kill myself at the moment

Kat

[Weeble]

Well told my psychiatrist via her secretary and she has changed my drugs, went to see my GP who just about managed to control his astonishment. He asked me did I think I was going to cope, I said no but dont really have much choice. Not sure of my dates, so he booked me a scan for next tuesday.

The reality that I may have a third child in a few months, leaving me with a 4 year old and 1 year old (13 months) and a newborn is quite daunting.

So far the only symptoms I have are sore tits, need to go to the pee a lot and i noticed my abdo has swollen a bit or is that all the chocolate I have been eating.

Decided that PNI is not an excuse , have to stop putting on weight it is bad enough that I am old, fat and only had a baby by emergency section with a damaged uterus five months ago. Dont want to make a bad situaition worse so have decided to join fat club tomorrow.

[winegirl]

Hi Hun

I know what you mean about the weight thing - it really gets me down... Dont forget to disclose at fat club though that you are pregnant as they shouldnt send you on some mad diet when you are pregnant, perhaps just help you control weight steadily?

I wish I had the answers for you, but I am useless as I am someone who is terrified at the thought of pregnancy again. However, I will say that that is just me, and as you can see lots of ladies on here have gone on to have subsequent children in the depths of PNI successfully!

How are you feeling today?

WG xx

[Weeble]

Will do, did it with my last pregnancy ended up a stone later than I started. My midwife knows me well - this is a contained village community.

You should of seen my GP's face yesterday, I think I never cease to surprise him, once upon a time he had a patient who he understood and now I just come with endless trouble.

Have lots of horrible symptoms today, dizzy head, sore glands, pelvic pain, tiredness and weakness. Not sure if it is a virus, miscarriage or paroxetine withdrawal. The bizarre and intrusive thoughts are driving me mad, exploiting all my pregnancy worries and concerns.

So here are my list (amazing for a woman who did not even want to get pregnant this year) worries

1. Will I lose it and have to cope with another crisis - I have had two in the last four months already
2. Will it have defects caused by the paroxetine guilt, surgery etc
3. I was not taking folic acid, but was anaemic and for much of the last few months not eating. I have a sister who had spina bidifa and hydocephalis - so I am at real risk

no way I can settle those for a good few weeks, so just going to have to live with it.

Kat

[larsbars]

Hello....I was on Paroxetine during my first pregnancy and as soon as my doctor knew I was pregnant he took me straight off of it and and put me on Prozac. The withdrawl was horrendous. I had really bad head shivers so whenever I moved my head everything would kind of go fizzy (the best way to describe it) and I would wake up in a pool of sweat. I reckon that it lasted about a week to two weeks before it subsided so it won't last forever. What dose were you and have you been on any other meds?

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I had my first 2 18 months apart and it was hard work but I got through it. You just have to resign yourself to the fact that are going to have to be a mummy/housewife for a while but it does get easier I promise. I find that mine are like best friends when they are getting on as they are so close in age. I got bad PNI after my second and there were times when I wanted it all to end. But I didn't want to die I just wanted the pain to stop. It took a long while and I am still suffering now but I don't think about topping myself every day. I think hormones have a huge part to play in all of that and they do eventually settle back down again. I'm also pregnant with my third and although it was planned I am starting to worry a lot. I'm 12 weeks now and have got a scan next week but I am worried about PNI hitting again after the birth. I guess the fact that I have been there before and know what to expect should help but it may also be fine.

I wasn't sure what you meant in your last post but have you had 2 miscarriages in the last 4 months?

Speak to you soon x

[Weeble]

Hello Larsbars

Thank you for responding to my posts, its great to hear from you. Yes I am going through cold turkey, it feels like electric shocks running through my head, and when I move my head I feel dizzy. Everything hurts an the sweating at night is quite amazing, I get sooooo cold.

I was on 20mg, I have held off other drugs for now, but we were just considering another but that is contra indicated so will not be put on that hopefully. One week feels bearable for the detox.

Not sure if the pregnancy is congratulations, but I am happy for the little life I am making. Work is complicated but for a posting on another day. I got really anxious with my second pregnancy, only on reflection do I know how scared I was off being like that again. Except this time it was much worse. I hope this time that it will not get so bad.

Anyway the pregnancy may not last it only has about a 66% chance at the moment, so the worries in my case may not be necesasry.

Finally, the bit on crisis means mental health crisis, I tried to kill myself on two occasions by nearly walking in front of a a very fast moving large vehicle on our local dual carriageway. Tomorrow we celebrate the first two week period for about three months when I have not felt like actively killing myself there and then. I am thinking of posting my top five nightmare PNI healthcare experiences in the next few days and will include these two events.

Please continue posting, I noticed Vicki was due around the same time as you as well, if this one continues, I will deliver at around 37 weeks so our children may all be born within in a few days of each other.

thanks and speak to you soon

Kat

[winegirl]

I think it is great that you amazing ladies are able to share this journey together. I always feel lost as to what to say in this section sometimes for my own personal reasons and feelings about subsequesnt pregnancies for myself, and feel terrible that I have little chance to offer support. So I think it is great that you ladies can relate to each other at this time and can go through this journey together,

Much love to you xx

[Weeble]

Hi

Larbars you were right still have symptoms but nightsweats stopped, so grateful to you for letting me know about the symptoms made it all manageable.

Very worried about tuesday now, still have huge problems with what happened when I had T. Have not been able to talk to anyone about parts of it yet, including my therapist. But promised myself with go to scan as I need to know if this one is viable

Kat

[Weeble]

Tomorrow morning at 9.20am is the big morning. Do not think I mind what the outcome is. Viable pregnancy in the right place means another child - probably positive, but little chance of getting my life back together before 2011. I wont be able to do much work this year and that seems bad. As work is positive.

On the other hand, not viable means I can get back to work and my life, hopefully get all these very nervous HP's off my back and then try again when I am better. Negative is when I lost one last year I really crashed and burned and I will be sorry for its loss.

Trying my best to avoid in my head all the things that scare me, going to be very clear on women only. Fingers crossed girls I manage it all

Kat

[larsbars]

Hi Kat,

I hope everything goes ok for you today. Please let us know how you get on.

x

[Weeble]

Thank you Larsbars. It was ok. Hospital had it right, lots of very nice friendly women, nice chat from sister afterwards. Foetus in right place, had a heart beat six weeks or so old. Not sure how I feel now, very real suddenly.

Decided to give it a name, it deserves to be wanted so have called in Twinkletoes.

Kat

[Weeble]

Well spent the last week thinking about the baby, i know that I had these mad thoughts in the Autumn that I could get rid of T, give him to SS and get pregnant with another child and do it all again. Even when I thought I would have to keep T i thought the only thing that would make it all ok was to have another baby and put it all right by not making such a mess of the whole thing.

I was scared that I would not be able to concieve again as I am old, so it did not seem risky having unprotected sex the few times we did it in the autumn. We only did it once in Jan unprotected, why after all these years did my husband let me let him have unprotected sex with him. I have thought about this, because I know I just did not care either way and when I thought about it logically - how I deal with things the risk seemed to small.

However, I dont think I want this baby, it seems to much to cope with. I cant even go and see the midwife at the moment. But I can not be rid of it, both my sisters have rung me up and said thank you for not having an abortion, they both know that if their mums had had abortions they would not exist. But I really wanted T, more than S, I was desperate to have another child and I rejected him when I woke up from my GA, what chance does this little one have.

Trying to call it twinkletoes and do lots of positive thinking about life with three kids and how much fun it will be with a double buggy and T and twinkletoes growing up together etc. In works on the long term piece but now I just have to pretend it is not happening

Kat

[winegirl]

Hi Kat

My firned felt this way when she was pregnant with number 3. Her positive outlook was that she would have 3 siblings who would grow up together and be there for each other. And she says that now they are getting a bit older she actually finds it easier then having 2 as they sort of entertain each other!

Keep those positive thoughts hun, its a great coping mechanism x

[Weeble]

Having a gizmoracer style morning sickness panic today. My morning sickness i not to bad at the moment. Keep thinking perhaps foetus has died at the moment that seems like a good thing, but suspect that is because I am struggling to decide how I feel about it.
On the other hand last week had D&V bug and I am much better at managing symptoms now

Kat

[gizmoracer]

Hi Kat.
I have noticed that my sickness seems to be bearing out slightly if thats any help. I have a few days of feeling fine then 1 day of uncontrollable sickness and in my case headaches too. Think I may have mentioned before that hubby helping me out alot seemed to have been what it was all about. If I'm stressed, worried, oer tired or generally got alot to do it tends to be worse. You have said how much better your OH has been recently and thats obviously taking alot of pressure off you and could be what its about. I'm still wound up at the fact of not being able to feel any movement just yet or hear or see a heartbeat. But my midwife is lovely and I book in on Friday so I will be having words with her about it then.

On the midwife topic, if your's is too overwhelming and you are not able to see anyone else at the moment. Try not to worry about it too much. A positive thing would be to make an appointment for booking in but perhaps in a couple of weeks time so you have a chance to prepare. Alos remember you won't be needingto see much of her for a while yet. A friend of mine didn't get round to contacting our midwife til she was about 5 mths however she has 8 children and thought she knew what she was doing. Her excuse was that she had a bleed and wanted to see what happened first. Thing is by doing this they didn't pick up til much later on that she was aneamic so she was really risking both their health.

The long and short of it is a couple of weeks won't make much difference if it helps with your state of mind. Sorry for the waffle.