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Post by Weeble on Apr 27, 2010 20:19:12 GMT
hi Bubble
I would reiterate to you what the others say, it takes time. I think you need to wait about six weeks to be sure you can feel the drugs working, but they do. One of the things I have learned it that the textbooks do not tell it as it is. For instance I never cry ever not since I left hospital eight months ago, that was a big issue for me as every description I read about PND was you cried a lot. What I have learned form this forum is the symptoms are different for each of us, but you always find others that have felt the way you have.
You will get better, I am in a totally different place now than christmas. I needed daily CPN help, i was looked after by a home treatment team, I slept 18 hours day, could not look after my kids, could not watch a film, struggled to go out the house for more than 20 mins, and often was not sure my baby was real. Now four months later I am back at work, look after my kids fine, I am going to the US on my own at the weekend and I only need to sleep 10 hours a day. You will get there.
Kat
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Post by caterina on Apr 28, 2010 1:21:50 GMT
Hiya bubble I was interested to read that none of the books mentioned physical symptoms, except the 'normal' symptoms of depression. I think the reason we refer to PNI rather than PND on this site is that as sufferers/survivors/anywhere inbetween we recognise that this is an illness which manifests itself in many different ways, I think I'm right WG in saying that your only symtoms to start with were the dizziness and nausea? You're not that far into your treatment, it will take time chick, sorry I know you don't want to hear that. My lo's are 4 and nearly2 and I'm just about at the end of the road now. BUT give your meds a chance, if you're feeling no benefits at all after 8-10 wks I would go back to your GP, but be prepared for the benefits to be small ones. It's a gradual process, in fact the way it worked for me, for a long time, was looking back on the last week and thinking, hey that wasn't so bad, I managed to go to Tesco or I managed to take the baby out on my own, you WILL get better, this is completely beatable, there's so many survivors who are fully recovered on this site, you'll be there too, but in your own time sweetie. Hope you're ok xxx
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Post by juppster on Apr 28, 2010 6:28:54 GMT
Hey bubble....have to agree with the others...everyone is different and will experience different symptoms. This is a very frustrating illness but believe me, it does get better. I am not fully recovered but when I think back to how much I couldn't do when Jack was born, I have come a long long way...but it does take time. I know you keep hearing this but sadly its true....meds take time to kick in and then it is a slow process...........BUT it does get better.
The dizziness was a huge issue for me....i too went to see a Neurologist and even had a CT scan but everything came back clear. Like the others say, what the books say aren't always accurate because everyone is so individual with their symptoms.
Give the meds time to work and like Caterina and Kat say, if you feel no improvement after 6 - 8 weeks, go back to your GP. The first med you try may not always be the one for you but there are plenty of others. Hugs xxx
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Post by bubble212 on Apr 28, 2010 10:16:48 GMT
Thankyou all so much for your replies, this site is my saviour and I read through every reply at least three or four times. I must be more patient and try to stop worrying that I haven't seen any dramatic change as yet. I do have spells of feeling less dizzy and then if I have a late night, get a little stressed etc I seem to relapse and it can take a week to get back to where I was. I am so lucky to have such an amazing Husband who looks after me relentlessly and worries himself silly about what been happening to me. Every day he asks do I feel any better today? his eyes full of hope looking at me and I just say I can't tell yet. I think because he has never seen me in such a strange mental state, it must be very hard for him. I have ordered two books about this illness, the one that Brooke Shields wrote 'Down came the rain' and one called something like no one hears the screaming at home, which has been highly reccomended. I think knowing you are not alone in this illness is such a comfort and seeing that others have come through the other side recovered. Talking on here is such a blessing for me, and once again I thank you all for your kind replies. xxxx
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Post by Weeble on Apr 29, 2010 8:08:28 GMT
Bubble
hi, you sound like things are improving for you a little bit. I love you list of positive things, thats one of the things I do is write a positive list every day of all the things that i need to be happy about for the day it always cheers me up. Reminds me how great the little things in life are. Really pleased to hear you are getting more information on the illness, one of the things that helps me is knowing that my illness and feelings are normal and I am not alone.
Keep talking to us
Kat
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Post by bubble212 on Apr 29, 2010 19:20:21 GMT
Hi Katrina, I do feel as though I am getting my head around this illness a little bit more although I am still quite dizzy. I keep looking up the physical symptoms of the illness and printing it out so that I can see in black and white that dizziness is definitly one of the symptoms and not being caused by something else. I need to reassurre myself so much and other people to tell me its normal too, I was thinking I must be driving people crazy. Did you ever suffer from dizziness with this? I think this can be the symptom that disturbs me the most and makes me feel so out of control at times. I also have barely no appetite, I force myself to est three times a day but so don't feel like it, I really think its the fluoxetine that is suppressing my appetite as although before I was on them I did have a lowered appetite from feeling down it was not like this!? You are so right about the little things being so important, just a smile from one of our beautiful children can brighten the day so much when I feel so down. How are you feeling today? xxxx
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Post by Weeble on Apr 29, 2010 19:34:00 GMT
Thanks Bubble
I have had a really hard day, but it seems rationale and reasonable I do have a lot of stresses in my life at the moment. I did that when I first was ill used to go and look at the symptoms on the internet to remind myself that things like intrusive thoughts and irrational beliefs were normal for the illness. I did not get any real physical probs other than not eating. However, I had the opposite I did have a couple of medical problems that I decided were caused by my illness and then turned out to not have been caused by my illness.
I would love to hear more about your beautiful children I have two little boys aged 3 years and 9 months and 8 months and a third one due in september (unexpected not unwanted). My little boys are the reason I am still here and will be the reason I get fully better.
Well done for doing so well, you will get better it just takes time
Kat
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Post by caterina on Apr 29, 2010 23:48:36 GMT
hi bubble How you doing sweetie? You're 'sounding' more positive, little things- like less dizziness- great stuff , sleep is an issue with PNI (well it is with me anyway!) After a bad night, even now I can feel that black cloud lingering, but it's possible to make it go away. You are going to get better and yes you are ill! I can sympathise entirely with wanting 'validation' for your illness mostly because I think the physical symptoms of PNI are so under publicised. I remember coming to this site 4 years ago, looking around, reading posts, couldn't figure out how to speak to anyone (in real life) but I posted here and the response I got was amazing. They encouraged me, pulled me up and took the piss out of me when it was needed - often!! the fluoxetine will affect your appetite, I lost a pile of weight after starting to take it with lo number 1, as I just felt slightly nauseous, never really felt hungry, just picked at food. Alas, as with all the other symptoms that didn't come back with lo number 2 I definitely haven't lost my appetite this time! It, like all the other symptoms will subside in time, I think I just got to a point where it was meal time so I ate and gradually I started to feel hunger again. Anyway I digress, I just remember looking at the site and thinking 'my god it's not just me' there are so many women going through this, but because we're so good at putting on an act no one speaks about it. I've come to a point where I'm very honest about it and will speak openly amongst friends, have even sent a few packing to their GPs when needed, but there was a long time I didn't want anyone to know. As for printing out the symptoms to look at whenever you doubt yourself, that's a good idea, remind yourself you're ill, and ill people get better. I'll give you an insight into my crazy about needing validation for any illness I have - I currently have a slipped disc, take a mountain of painkillers, have all the physical symptoms, been examined by consultants who've confirmed it, I have an MRI scan coming up in 3 weeks and there's a small part of me that's terrified they're going to look at it and say there's nothing wrong! I know there is but I need the proof I think! Unfortunately there's no 'proof' for PNI but the symptoms are there, you're on the meds, your doctor has diagnosed it, and you're well on your road to recovery. Sorry I'm a bit chatty tonight, been rambling on everyone's threads, hope this gives you some reassurance and comfort. It takes time and there will be rough days but they become less and soon the good days WILL outweigh the bad. xxxx
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Post by bubble212 on Apr 30, 2010 13:43:51 GMT
Hi all, Katrina - Congratulations on your pregnancy, you must be around the five month mark now? I have got a little boy who is two and 4 months and a little girl who is 4 months. I had ( a much milder ) PNI with my first child, but it was not in the league I have had it this time and there were certainly no physical symptoms forst time around. I had quite a straightforward birth with our little boy despite him weighing in at 10lb 1, I managed to give birth with the help of an epidural and recovered quickly. Second time around I was induced and our little girl was born quite quickly which I think sent my body into shock, I then had a large haemorrage of 2 litres and had to be rushed to theatre to sew up a third degree tear, so quite a traumatic experience. On the bright side we have been so fortunate in the fact that both our children were born completely strong and healthy with no problems at all, and I feel very blessed for this. We are definitly not planning to have any more and the hospital said they 'wouldn't reccomend it' afetr what happened. Did you have straight forward birth experiences? I do think that the trauma of our daughters birth did have an impact on my becoming unwell, I think it started almost straight away, or if it didn't very soon after. Its quite difficult to pin point when it did start as I was so poorly immediatly after the birth anyway. Caterina - Thankyou for your response, It is so helpful hearing from others that they had a need to constantly validate the illness with proof and evidence. Makes me feel a little more sane! I hope your back repairs quickly, I have heard slipping a disc can be very painful. Thank you for all your reassurance it is greatly appreciated. Juppster - Its good to hear from someone else who experienced the dizziness too, thank you for your advice. You are right, it is such an individual illness and some times the books/info available is far too generalised and can make sufferers worry more if they don't find their symptom/s listed. I have found some brillinat sources now though including this site and another one called pndsupport.co.uk, which are very realistic about how you may experience PNI. Hope you are all having good days Love Bubble.xxxx
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Post by Weeble on Apr 30, 2010 16:36:13 GMT
HI bubble
Sounds like you had a torrid time, have you had the chance to debrief with a midwife about it or some other support?
This is my second dose of PNI as well. The first one I describe as Post Natal Anxiety, I worried about lots of things and it felt anxious all the time. However, we had lots of big time life events at the same time, both of us changed jobs, we moved house and I had a legal case going on. This time has been much worse but I am hoping that the new baby will be fine. I have had horrible deliveries with both my children. However, the first one was really well managed by the hospital and it left me unfazed. This time was horrific I can write or talk about it yet, but I ended up having a crash section. I am told by the therapist that it totally overloaded me and was the final straw for my brain. My biggest problem with my PNI has it seemed to crash my memory and I constantly felt like I was experiencing all the horrible things in my life as if they happened now. One of the worse things is T my baby became a dead baby that I found whose mother had committed infanticide. So in summary horrific traumatic birth experience seems to be a very common experience. I woke up feeling very odd and never felt normal again - still recovering now as you probably can see.
I dont know what the other girls think, but for me my friends who have had bad PNI all had traumatic births so I think it is a big cause of trouble.
Hope you are having an ok day. I had a thought for you about your OH if you are feeling that he is suffering with you being like this. Give him lost of positive feedback, I have found my OH really responds to that and it has really helped him he says deal with my unhappiness. The other thing I do now although not earlier in my PNI is tell him how I am feeling and why so he does not feel helpless and that it is his fault.
Kat
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Post by caterina on Apr 30, 2010 22:38:30 GMT
Hi bubble That's what we' re here for chick - to support each other, and yes it is blooming painful but it's getting fixed (soon I hope) Kat, you're right, I've often wondered if traumatic births - both times have contributed to my PNI, I hear of women who hve babies in4 hours and are home by tea time - nope not me! Week long stay both times, for mine and babie's physical health reasons. Im with Kat on the advice she gives about your OH, he's obviously very supportive, which is fantastic so be honest with him. He will be feeling like he can't do anything to help you just now (mine certainly did) so if he's looking to help you then give him a task to do - take baby out for half an hour so youcan have some 'me' time or even just running you a bath etc, all simple stuff and makes them feel needed, they can't fix the PNI and men are 'fixers' I find so it helps them too. xx
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Post by winegirl on May 1, 2010 7:38:57 GMT
Hi Bubble
You know all about the physical symptoms that I went through, particularly the diziness, and like you I had to keep validating the cause of it as I almost could not believe the reasons for it! You say you have found a couple of good books? My suggestion for one would be anything by Dr Claire Weeks who was the master of all things realted to what she called `nervous illness' and really helped me at times of high anxiety.
Please do keep talking here if it helps, I know what its like, I have been there, but I can guarantee you it does get better x
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by monica on May 1, 2010 10:04:15 GMT
Hi
Traumatic births are can definately be a trigger for pni alone or that combined with other factors can simply be too much.
I got PNI after my second child - I'd had 2 previous miscarriages in between my children and consequently spent alot of the pregnancy very anxious, I was also unrealsistically determined to be the perfect mother and homemaker where as the reality was I was running myself into the ground and not thnking about my wellbeing. it was about 4 mths after the birth that I started being plagued with strange physcal symptoms which in turn lead to horrific anxiety and more symtpoms!
But hang on in there are slowly thnings will start to get better. it can be a rocky road at times but you will recover.
I hoep the weekend is good for you!
Love
Monica
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Post by bubble212 on May 1, 2010 14:06:22 GMT
Hi all,
Kat - My hv asked me if I would want to have a debrief with a senior midwife about what exactly happened at the birth, but I haven't as yet as I need to write to the hospital and really have had the energy to do this yet. Also I feel the hospital were neglegent on quite a few levels and want to have the strength to really take on what happened before I open that 'book.' I am so sorry to hear of your traumatic births, it can be so horrific and you pay for it for months after both physically and definitly emotionally. I hope things continue to improve, I understand how difficult and lonely PNI can make us feel. Thanks for the tip about the OH. I do neglect him at times and I have a tendency to shut him out at times without realise I am doing it. I will try to give him more positive feedback, this has been very hard on him too. I think you are so right about the traumatic births being a trigger for PNI. I don't know anyone who has had this, apart from my sister, but she never discussed it at all at the time and kept it all inside and eventually over about a year recovered, with everyone none the wiser! It was only when I told of my symptoms and feelings did she say she had the same thing. I feel quite sad that she went through it alone.
Caterina - Men are 'fixers' and I know my OH finds it terribly frustating that he can't make this all better for me. But with his and everyones support and finally having a name for this illness I feel I have made some progress. I have been on the fluoxetine for three weeks now. The lack of appetite seems to be going off a bit and shakiness becoming less noticable. I have had some lower left abdominal aching recently which I am worried about, but I went to the doctors yesterday and he said he thinks it my intestine adjusting to the drug. I am worried its an ovarian cyst or cervical cancer, so I have booked a smear, has anyone else ever suffered with this on prozac? WG - I will definitly be looking up Dr Claire Weeks, thank you for that. I have just bought a book that I think includes Veritee's story, it is written by Cara someone and called Surviving post natal depression, I think its American? Thank you for your reassurance, the phsical symptoms can be very worrying. I went for my first session of reflexology yesterday and found it amazing. I slept really well last night. She said she felt a lot of tension in the areas of my feet which indicate my neck and my digestive system which fits completely! can't wait for next session.
Monica - Thank you, yes it does seem like there are many ups and downs to recovery but feeling very positive today thanks to everyones support. It sounds like you haven't had an easy time at all, why do we always put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, when no one expects it anyway. Hope you all enjoying the lovely weather today.
Love Bubblw. xxxx
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Post by Weeble on May 1, 2010 21:11:17 GMT
Hi Bubble
Dont push the debrief you will know when you are ready, the hospital instigated mine so i did it too early. baby screaming so have to go will try and write more tomorrow before i leave
KAt
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