Post by stevensmummy on Apr 29, 2010 7:18:47 GMT
Hi everyone,
I'm looking for a bit of advice on a broken friendship. And whether or not you think i should even try to talk to her. It was a difficult fall out and things were complicated. I was at the time struggling with what I thought was a reoccurence of pni. So was a bit weak and said and did things I regret now. To understand my fears I will need to explain a bit of background, so my appologies in advance for the essay!
She was pretty much my best friend, she was alot older than me, she has an estranged daughter who is my age. She always said I was the daughter she lost. She was however at fault for the loss of contact with her daughter but thats irrelevant. I was sufferin with what i now know was no more than the few weeks of downtime after the birth. I paniced and spent alot of time with her. She later told me she was getting fed up of me but didnt say anything as she was a friend and she knew I was struggling.
Her husband was a lovely bloke, much older than her too, about 15 yrs older so was like a granda to me lol. But she spent alot of time talking online to these 2 gay blokes she was very good friends with. It was something that her husband was supicious of, one of them was bi and i did myself wonder at times. A row broke out between them and this anongst other things was brought up. She was a bit lazy, not very clean and dank alot. Complained about having no money yet bought alot of unneeded things and alot was spent on wine. He however did have money but wisely kept it off of her. Thro all her faults she was my friend and i should maybe have stuck up for her but I was annoyed with her behaviour and her treatment of him. He left. I played both sides, keeping her friendship but never saying anything about him being wrong. I was there for an ear but that was it. She was angry more than upset. He asked my OH to help him clear some of his stuff from the house, he had tools etc etc, they had a farm house and some land. But when we were there I recognised a car turning and passin again. It was the toublemaking 3rd party! She was jealous of our relationship basically and saw opportunity to stir it. Of course next day I got a phone call. Initally calm, asking what I was doing and why i was helping him. We were stealing etc etc. But in the end of the call she allowed me to explain. I told the story, why I was angry with her and my doubts of her and why we helped him when he asked. The last thing she said was that she was sorry i believed him, she was still my friend and she loved me, that it was going to be ok, but she may take some time to trust me again. I was annoyed and upset by this time and said that if that was what she thought of me then i was sorry but i didnt think it was possible to be friends. I was hurt.
We helped her husband again and went to tea with him etc. It went on for about a week maybe 2. Then he went back. He had by this time sold some land to a property developer so was in the money big style. She knew this! Shes not stupid. She was undoubtably hurt byt it all and wanted him back for what i hope is the right reasons. I went round to him 2x when she was out and they were going thro what he called marriage counceling. He was willing to try but was doubtful.
Since then he hasnt spoken to us. I havent seen him to be honest. I have seen her in the shop etc and in the bar where she worked. But we had that difficult looking away trying not to see eachother moments. You know what I mean.
I do miss her, the older 2 boys miss her. She was a very good friend. Abd I wonder if I did wrong sayign what i did. What if I had gone along with it? At that time i was angry with her so should i have kept quiet? I dont know.
My question being, should i try to talk to her. i dont know if I have the guts to go round. Shes on fb so i could sent her a mail. But is that the right thing to do? I'm not sure what to do. Can you help? plz xx
I'm looking for a bit of advice on a broken friendship. And whether or not you think i should even try to talk to her. It was a difficult fall out and things were complicated. I was at the time struggling with what I thought was a reoccurence of pni. So was a bit weak and said and did things I regret now. To understand my fears I will need to explain a bit of background, so my appologies in advance for the essay!
She was pretty much my best friend, she was alot older than me, she has an estranged daughter who is my age. She always said I was the daughter she lost. She was however at fault for the loss of contact with her daughter but thats irrelevant. I was sufferin with what i now know was no more than the few weeks of downtime after the birth. I paniced and spent alot of time with her. She later told me she was getting fed up of me but didnt say anything as she was a friend and she knew I was struggling.
Her husband was a lovely bloke, much older than her too, about 15 yrs older so was like a granda to me lol. But she spent alot of time talking online to these 2 gay blokes she was very good friends with. It was something that her husband was supicious of, one of them was bi and i did myself wonder at times. A row broke out between them and this anongst other things was brought up. She was a bit lazy, not very clean and dank alot. Complained about having no money yet bought alot of unneeded things and alot was spent on wine. He however did have money but wisely kept it off of her. Thro all her faults she was my friend and i should maybe have stuck up for her but I was annoyed with her behaviour and her treatment of him. He left. I played both sides, keeping her friendship but never saying anything about him being wrong. I was there for an ear but that was it. She was angry more than upset. He asked my OH to help him clear some of his stuff from the house, he had tools etc etc, they had a farm house and some land. But when we were there I recognised a car turning and passin again. It was the toublemaking 3rd party! She was jealous of our relationship basically and saw opportunity to stir it. Of course next day I got a phone call. Initally calm, asking what I was doing and why i was helping him. We were stealing etc etc. But in the end of the call she allowed me to explain. I told the story, why I was angry with her and my doubts of her and why we helped him when he asked. The last thing she said was that she was sorry i believed him, she was still my friend and she loved me, that it was going to be ok, but she may take some time to trust me again. I was annoyed and upset by this time and said that if that was what she thought of me then i was sorry but i didnt think it was possible to be friends. I was hurt.
We helped her husband again and went to tea with him etc. It went on for about a week maybe 2. Then he went back. He had by this time sold some land to a property developer so was in the money big style. She knew this! Shes not stupid. She was undoubtably hurt byt it all and wanted him back for what i hope is the right reasons. I went round to him 2x when she was out and they were going thro what he called marriage counceling. He was willing to try but was doubtful.
Since then he hasnt spoken to us. I havent seen him to be honest. I have seen her in the shop etc and in the bar where she worked. But we had that difficult looking away trying not to see eachother moments. You know what I mean.
I do miss her, the older 2 boys miss her. She was a very good friend. Abd I wonder if I did wrong sayign what i did. What if I had gone along with it? At that time i was angry with her so should i have kept quiet? I dont know.
My question being, should i try to talk to her. i dont know if I have the guts to go round. Shes on fb so i could sent her a mail. But is that the right thing to do? I'm not sure what to do. Can you help? plz xx
