why have i started this?

[butterfly]

I have recently started to self harm, first just using farly blunt objects but now i am actually making small cuts in places where no one can see. I went through a phase of doing this when I was a teenager, befor i had ever heard of anyone doing this or anything so I think it inground in me to do its like there is a force making me do it.
I am very conscious of what people think of me and would hate anyone to see marks. I dont want to have to explain these marks to my husband - thankfully he hasn't noticed. But if I am honest I am getting a relise of negativity when I do it, it realises frustation. I dont feel I am being heard by HCP sometimes and that frustrates me and i want to scream and shout but cant. But i can do this. I actually like doing it (that is so screwed up but honest) i like the pain, i like hurting myself, i want myself to hurt.

Are these thoughts common for someone to get who is self harming or am i a complete freak of nature?

I thought i was a little better from my pnd could it be the self harming is helping or masking?

How on earth do you tell a HCP about it?
I am scared i will become reliant on it.

Any thoughts anyone ? Please let me know what your thinking?
x

[Weeble]

Hi bf

You know I have been doing this to. I cut my abdomen, I do it because I am so angry I am alive, I desperately don't want to cope with life anymore, but I cant kill myself because my children need me. So I do it as a way to release my emotional pain. It makes it physical which seems easier to manage. I am trying really hard to stop this at the moment, I don't want it to become a coping mechanism, but it's very hard. I so wish people listen to you, you really need hcp help don't you. (((()))))) kat

[juppster]

Hey sweetie
I would say the thoughts you are having a very common. You are by no means a freak, you are having a really tough time at the moment and you need the right help to help you on your way to recovery.
I can understand why you are so frustrated, and i know how frustrating it is to feel you are not being listened to.
Do you think you could talk to your psychologist about the s/h? x

[juppster]

Hey sweetie...just wondered how things were going on the s/h front? Have you managed to talk to anyone about it? x