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Post by wanagetoverthis on Oct 18, 2011 8:42:56 GMT
Hi Gail
Sorry only just caught up with your diary. Glad to hear you're having a good day.
CBT definitely makes it harder before better but it does get better I promise. It's like riding a bike - once you learn it you become an expert at it and it then becomes second nature rather than a concentrated effort.
N xxx
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Post by xxellaxx on Oct 18, 2011 21:17:23 GMT
Thanks ;D Had another pretty good day today, got up early with Ella and went to see my mum and sisters. CBT went really well, she says I am making very quick progress for the time I have been there. Acceptance is my main issue and I am nearly there! Davids off work tomorrow so we're off to Yorkshire to spend some quality time with my mum, or rather so that my mum can spend quality time with ella Dreading going on the moterway
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Post by wanagetoverthis on Oct 18, 2011 22:01:50 GMT
Sh great to hear hun!
Which area are you in if you don't mind me asking? I'm in Sheffield area near J30 so thought on when you said you're off to Yorkshire!!
N xxx
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Post by juppster on Oct 19, 2011 8:07:07 GMT
Fab news mate, hoping today is just as good for you xx
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Post by xxellaxx on Nov 3, 2011 14:30:54 GMT
Hi all Things are still pretty much the same for me. It's a constant battle and I am truely sick of it now, I can't enjoy life a all. I made a complete fool of myelf today, I set off walking to take Ella to baby play group, its only 10 mins from my house, I knew I wasn't feeling right but forced myself, as soon as I got there I took Ella into the play group, I was feeling so detatched like I wasn't in the room, then the panic set in and I had a panic attack, I had no control and tried to get Ella in the pram as fast as possible, then noticed I hadn't even put her in it properly, I was sweating shaking, my legs went completly weak, I tried to get home as fast as possible and each step was hard work, I felt like I was going to keel over, I can't pull myself out of it right now. I've stillgo the detatched feeling now, I hate it, nothing feels real, I feel like I'm on the outside of my own body, its so scary. 2 weeks agom y doctors doubled my medication, does anyone know f this takes effect straight away with it already being in my system or is it a case of it taking about 4 weeks again ?
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Post by monica on Nov 4, 2011 6:24:58 GMT
Hi
I used to hate the detached feeling as well - it's as if you're not reallythere - very distressing. But it is a stress reaction to theway you're feeling and a very common symptom of depression. Try doing some breathing exercises to calm yourself down and don't beat yourself up about having to leave the playgroup. it 's very hard when you start panicking as your overiding desire is to get to safety. Could you take someone along next time for support? Is there someone there who you could tell and get to suport you if you feel panicky?
The panicking adn detached feeling are linked. You go somewhere out of yoru comfort zone so your start getting nervous, your breathing and stress reactions start escalating etc etc. Butyou will get through this.
Re: meds, I imagine it can take a little while for them to get into your system and kick in as it is an accumulative effect. When my dose was doubled I did notice I did not get the side effects I had initially but can't remember how long it took for them to work properly - sorry. When do you go to drs again? Maybe go if you don't feel effects after a week or so just for reassurance.
Monica
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Post by juppster on Nov 4, 2011 7:39:39 GMT
Me too...the detached feeling was one of the scariest things for me but as Monica says, it is one way of our bodies reacting to stress so it was no wonder you felt that way. The panic can feel absolutely overwhelming I know but a huge well done to you for getting out and going..as Mon says, don't beat yourself up about leaving. Its all about small steps.
I would give the increase in meds a little longer and if you still see no improvement go back to your gp. Are you having any cbt at the moment? I have found that over a prolonged period of time, the combination of the two have been a life saver for me.
Keep talking here honey, we are all listening xx
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Post by xxellaxx on Nov 8, 2011 12:38:24 GMT
I did something really stupid last night. It got to 3am and I felt hopless, the dreaded thoughts started to kick in and the feelings that I would be better off dead. I was close to taking aload of tablets again, I had got them all out the box and went out the door .. I walked till early hours to get it out my system.
I self harmed with a razor, I feel so ashamed, I haven't done this for a couple of years now. I hate my scars already, now I have a new batch to add to my collections.
I am at cbt this afternoon and I really don't know if I should mention how I was last night, I'm not sure if they would stop my treatment - ny thoughts please ?
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Post by wanagetoverthis on Nov 8, 2011 13:43:43 GMT
Hi hun
I think the best thing to do is to be honest. Don't be ashamed of what you have done, get help working through why you did it x
Alot of the reason we keep shame is when we make it a secret. Be open, you don't need to be ashamed, you need help to deal with all these emotions.
Let us know how you get on.
N xxx
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Post by monica on Nov 8, 2011 17:32:11 GMT
Hi
Sorry just seen this. How did cbt go? I don't see why they would stop the cbt if you told them about the s/h. On the contrary it would be good to find coping mechanisms which are not harmful as that's what cbt is about.
please don't be hard onyourself. You are in such pain and you have found the s/h as a relief. Do try to avoid doing this as you can get used to using this method and it can lead to infections, cars etc - sorry I hope that doesn't sound patronising - I don't mean it that way. how is your cut? Does it need treatment?
if you get into that situation again, could you perhaps call the crisis team for someone to talk to? Maybe the samaritans - they are very good.It will be someone to lean on and hopefully the moment will pass. Night is often the worst.
Big hgus
Monica
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Post by xxellaxx on Nov 14, 2011 18:56:43 GMT
Hi guys, Thank god I kept this diary on here. Reall bad week this week again, but I have my period. I have just looked back on my posts and checked my dates and everytime I have a majr blip its just before and during my period. Now , I havent never had issues with my periods, been fine over the years, maybe a bit grumpy but nothing major. So I am now thinking, is this because I've had a baby, or is it because I have deppression and I am maybe more sensitive to hormomal changes ?? So not a good week yet again. I went to cbt last week and spoke through my problem, things were good .. I was giving a goal this last week.. I had to take down the clock in my living room, sounds silly but a real biggy for me, I sit watching the clock all day, willing the time to past, I really wasn't fully aware what a big impact it was having and how much time I spent doin it The first day without the clock I felt a kind of inner calm - really hard to explain.
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Post by juppster on Nov 14, 2011 19:12:38 GMT
Well done with the clock, often we do things so subconsciously that we rarely understand the impact it has on our mood. I am a huge believer in hormones affecting your mood so I am sure it won't be helping and if you are seeing a pattern then perhaps its worth mentioning to your gp? Maybe keeping a daily mood diary so you can show them the results taken over a couple of months xx
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Post by monica on Nov 17, 2011 17:47:17 GMT
Hi Gail
Just wanted to say about the pmt - I never suffered from it prior to having pni but boy did I afterwards. Is it of some comfort to you knowing there is a pattern? It might help you ride it out knowing it is pmt and will pass. My cpn said that it is very common to get pmt after pni. She recommended evening primrose oil/vit B supplements. They seemed to help me at least take the edge of it.
Cbt seems to be going really well for you. WElldone on the removing the clock. and so pleased it made such a difference.
Monica
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Post by xxellaxx on Jan 26, 2012 12:22:30 GMT
Hi all , Havent been on for a while Hi Monica, I have been looking into vitimin b complex this week, I thought I would ask my gp so I get the right one and correct dose. I heard it can really help with anxiety and nerves. Things are getting alot better for me, I have been gettng out the house more with Ella now, I force myself daily, even if I feel crap I make sure I go out and it works!! My CBT has been going great, best thing I have ever done and I feel lucky to have got on a course. I only have a few sessions left, they say I have made fantastic progress, I relly have put the work into it though, and changed alot of things in my life. Ella is now 8 mths old, god where did that go I've gotta be really carfully and try not to feel guilty and beat myself up over how I've been since she's been born, so I am trying to just look to the future and enjoy her now. She's my little mate, I love her to bits ;D Here's my gorgeous girl at 8 mths old ;D
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Post by juppster on Jan 26, 2012 19:26:23 GMT
Aaahhh, love her...completely gorgeous! So glad you are feeling better and the cbt is working for you..it does take a lot of hard work but it certainly pays off...lovely to hear from you xx
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