Post by krate on Aug 16, 2011 20:39:09 GMT
Hi there,
I am a 35yr old first time mother of a 5 month old and recently I am experiencing real anxiety about death - me dying and not being there to care for my son and essentially missing out. I cannot bare the thought of missing out on my son's life or him living not having known me. I also panic about him dying - have fetal monitor etc as was so worried about cot death. Today I started worrying about my parents getting old (63 years old) and feeling that they do not have long left. I know what I am thinking is silly but my feelings are out of control. I have been getting really tearful about it. I am not religious and believe that once we are gone, thats it ... and I am now finding this belief so hard to take on. Before I had my son I really did not care, I used to just think that its worse for people left behind, once you're dead thats it. But now I cannot handle it. What has complicated this is that my 93 year grandma died when my son was 4 weeks old and I feel really guilty about things - I didn't get on with her in her last 5 years and didn't take my son to see her. I now feel terrible and wish I had been more understanding of her pain etc.
Basically I am experiencing existential angst about life/death and how absurd life really is. I know its stupid but I cannot shake it. I feel like I am 14 again and questionning the meaning of life but this time I am finding it more disturbing. I hope that this goes and I can relax into life again. ... I am reluctant to see my GP as they will recommend antidepressants (cannot take as breastfeeding) or counseling (unsure how i could fit this in while exclusively breastfeeding and cannot afford it)...... is this is a "normal" issue after childbirth or do you think I need to see some help? is this a phase made worse by sleep deprivation and feelings of loss around my identity (work, socially etc).
I do suffer anxiety anyway and prior to being pregnant was on antidepressants for anxiety.
sorry for waffling. Any advice or words of wisdom would be great.
I am a 35yr old first time mother of a 5 month old and recently I am experiencing real anxiety about death - me dying and not being there to care for my son and essentially missing out. I cannot bare the thought of missing out on my son's life or him living not having known me. I also panic about him dying - have fetal monitor etc as was so worried about cot death. Today I started worrying about my parents getting old (63 years old) and feeling that they do not have long left. I know what I am thinking is silly but my feelings are out of control. I have been getting really tearful about it. I am not religious and believe that once we are gone, thats it ... and I am now finding this belief so hard to take on. Before I had my son I really did not care, I used to just think that its worse for people left behind, once you're dead thats it. But now I cannot handle it. What has complicated this is that my 93 year grandma died when my son was 4 weeks old and I feel really guilty about things - I didn't get on with her in her last 5 years and didn't take my son to see her. I now feel terrible and wish I had been more understanding of her pain etc.
Basically I am experiencing existential angst about life/death and how absurd life really is. I know its stupid but I cannot shake it. I feel like I am 14 again and questionning the meaning of life but this time I am finding it more disturbing. I hope that this goes and I can relax into life again. ... I am reluctant to see my GP as they will recommend antidepressants (cannot take as breastfeeding) or counseling (unsure how i could fit this in while exclusively breastfeeding and cannot afford it)...... is this is a "normal" issue after childbirth or do you think I need to see some help? is this a phase made worse by sleep deprivation and feelings of loss around my identity (work, socially etc).
I do suffer anxiety anyway and prior to being pregnant was on antidepressants for anxiety.
sorry for waffling. Any advice or words of wisdom would be great.