How Can I Stop Feeling so Guilty??

[lizzy]

I have a 9 month old son and have finally today realised that I am suffering from depression.
I had a very traumatic birth, 36 hours in labour and then an emergency ceaserian and dont think that I got over the shock for a couple of months.
I have wanted a baby for ages and suffered from many health problems and was told that I only had a 30% chance of concieving. When my son came along I thought it was a miriacle but never realised just how hard it can be to be a Mum.
I have had to go back to work full time and can not stop feeling guilty about leaving my son with a childminder.
I sit at my desk all day and stare at his photo. I feel like I am going mad.
I finally went to the doctor today and he has signed me off for two weeks and is going to refer me to a counceller.
All this has done so far is make me feel even more guilty and more of a failure than I felt already.

[girlracer]

you are not a failier it is not your fault it is a illness, i felt like this but i realised it was not my fault.

[julianne]

Dear Lizzy,
It took me and my husband 2 yrs to have our twins. I was also told that due to my fallopian tubes being damaged we would only have a small chance of having children. However whilst on the IVF waiting list I fell pregnant with twins quite ironic really, try all that time for a baby and then get 2! I am currently suffering PND and I too feel gulity that I wanted them for such a long time and then feel the way I do. I think that gulit plays a very large part in PND. You mention feeling gulity for going to work. I don't work yet feel gulity for not doing so. It's very hard to devide your home and work life, and you should praise yourself for doing the best you can. Why do you feel a failure for going to the doctors? You've realised you have a problem and done something about it. Give yourself credit
Keep smiling
julianne

[lizzy]

Thanks Juliane,

it was really nice to get your message as I have had a particularly bad day today. I am still off work and still feeling guilty. I know deep down that I should give my self credit for recognising that I have a problem but its very hard when you feel so pathetic. Today I didn't even feel up to leaving the house and had a couple of panic attacks throughout the day. I just dont see how I am going to ever feel better.
It must be very hard for you with twins but like me you shouldn't feel guilty either as looking after them is a full time job. If I had the choice i wouldn't go back to work. I definately believe that it doesn't make you less of a person if yiu stay at home to look after your children or if you go to work but unfortunately most women have to choose and are made to feel guilty whivh ever way they go.
Thank you again for your message it has lifted my spirits somewhat to know that someone out there feels the same.

[Elaine]

Dear Izzy

I hope you are feeling a little brighter. I was diagnosed with PND in November and like you felt dreadfully guilty that I had this beautiful daughter and felt so terrible. Sometimes I couldn't even face getting up - but I did, every day and although I'm not feeling completely better (I still have awful days) I know that I am slowly getting there. I still get the odd guilty feeling that I have been ill during my daughter's first few months, but that's just it - PND is an illness and you cannot help the fact that you are suffering. Bringing up a baby is hard enough for any mother let alone a mother suffering from PND and you also had to suffer the anxiety of returning to work. So I think you are brilliant - you should be so proud of yourself. I have to make the choice about returning to work shortly and am dreading it as I cannot bear the thought of leaving her, but I so miss the social side of work! What we women have to suffer! Keep your chin up - I know it is hard but you will get there.

[Elaine]

So sorry Lizzy got your name wrong!!!