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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 18:44:35 GMT
My mental health Dr thinks because fluoxetine worked pre nataly with my second child 6yrs ago that they will work postnataly this time. But I dont think they will because last time I felt some benifits 6weeks in and now im almost 7weeks in and still hysterical, I think after two births ive just chemically changed and thwy wont work this time round xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jun 26, 2014 18:45:44 GMT
Unfortunately it can take a while and a fair bit of 'tweaking' before you find the right combination of meds that work for you. I know this is so hard (and unfair) to deal with.
I'm not really sure what else to suggest apart from keep talking. Do you feel talking is helping? Xx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 18:56:00 GMT
I suppose I feel like talking is reassuring, it gives me hope that I will get better but im scared I wont and im scared of upping my fluoxetine incase it makes me worse. My mum has been staying with me but now shes leaving me because she thinks im being stupid and attention seeking so I have to cry away from her or she'll huff at me and tell me im not helping myself, but I force myself to go for several short walks a day even though I have horrible panic attacks, I take my eldest to and from school its not far but it scares me and I still see my children every other day and have the two oldest over night when I can and am not too hysterical. I have been to the mother and baby unit to arrange aome form of anxiety management and ive arranged my own counselling when really I dont want to carry on and I dont feel better for pushing myself but I dont see how what im doing isnt helping myaelf because u cry, I cry because im overwhelmed and still trying to carry on when I dont want to. I dont want her here anymore but I don't want her to leave and me be alone either. xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jun 26, 2014 19:06:41 GMT
Aww hun I can totally sympathise with you, in fact once upon a time I could have written your post myself. You will get better. You will feel 'normal' again. Unfortunately it takes time and alot of forcing yourself to do things you just don't want to. I too had to force myself to do the simplest of tasks and I also suffered panic attacks at my worst. It really is horrendous isn't it :-(
You are doing fantastically well already organising anxiety management and counselling! That's way more than I ever could have done at my most desperate time. You are obviously alot stronger than you realise. I know how very hard it is but try not to let your situation scare you. If your mental health consultant is telling you to up your meds it's for a reason, and the thing you have to remember is they deal with people in your situation everyday so even though to you it maybe feels like a quick fix from them it's because they have experienced your situation probably many times over. I really hope you find the courage to take the extra meds but please don't beat yourself up if you can't manage. We are hear to listen xx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 19:16:36 GMT
I will take my extra dose tomorrow after I get my eldest from school, because if I have a bad reaction atleast then I wont have to go out and I will be on here again no doubt :/
I suppose I hoped the meds would be like arm bands to help me go on abit better and feel less horrible but I don't I feel the worst I think is possible. I am trying so hard to keep pushing my way through every day but im sick of just about scraping through each day like groundhog day, I just want to see some light,some hope to cling to xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jun 26, 2014 19:28:53 GMT
Only do what you are comfortable with. I know what you mean about wanting that bit of light, that magic thing that will make it all better. I have been where you are, along with many other women on this site and although it feels such a never ending struggle you will get better, little by little you'll begin to notice tiny improvements and in turn this will give you the hope and strength to carry on.
Please keep talking though xx
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Post by monica on Jun 26, 2014 22:26:38 GMT
How did rest of evening go? Hope the higher dose of meds helps you. How do u find the mh dr? Do speak to them if higher dose not effective or u feel worse.
I know this is such a shit time.. For me the anxiety was so much harder to cope with than the depression but thinks will get better.
Have u tried to explain to ur mum how ur feeling. I know when I was ill many people just could not comprehend how bad I felt incl my mil who had been a psychiatric nurse!
Hang on in there - it will improve x
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 8:02:13 GMT
My mum haf her own breakdown 8yrs ago so she should understand but she just thinks I should pull myself together! Shes been on medication ever since so she should know its NOT that easy we've never been close and ultimately I dont think she cares about any of her children I feel like crap today ive woke up with a stinking cold and a real heavy feeling. I hoped if I got through yesterday I would feel better today I havent even took my higher dose now. Im so scared I wont cope with it :''( xxx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 8:03:30 GMT
Ill take the extra dose at my usual med time of 11am.
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Post by monica on Jun 27, 2014 8:13:44 GMT
You must be exhausted after having such a tough day yesterday.
Although everyone is different I didn't notice any bad side effects of doubling my dose (I was on 10mg of citalopeam and increased to 20mg) so hopefully it will be the same for you.
I'm sorry your mum is not more of a comfort to you especially given she has probably been through something similar. Strangely often enough people like that simply can't handle it as it means reliving their own experiences and acknowledging ur suffering which is just too painful.
Hope the day gets betterx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 8:27:09 GMT
Thank you Monica. I will keep updating here and update how I feel after my med increase. I genuinely think it was one of the only things that pulled me through yesterday, allthough im scared of feeling that way again and going through it again today because I felt soo soo bad xxx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 9:03:09 GMT
Just decided to take my two doses now since I have just eaten xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Jun 27, 2014 9:35:56 GMT
Hi rochelle,
You did so well yesterday, I know it doesn't feel that way and you've woken up to another day of struggling but hopefully now you have taken that extra dose it might help! Fingers crossed for you.
As for your mum, again I can sympathise my own mum is very much the same, she's had her own battles with depression but when it comes to me she has no empathy or compassion and can be very hurtful and judgemental. It's tough when all you need is a bit of reassuring :-(
Hope today isn't such a struggle for you xx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 9:59:33 GMT
Thank you girls, I had maybe 4hrs sleep last night with the help of a zopiclone sleeping tablet, I still feel very foggy headed and emotionaly exhausted. I have some 5mg diazipam tablets so if I need to take them I will. Xxx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 27, 2014 14:21:42 GMT
Hey ladies I feel so agitated and anxious now after my dose increase. Ive just taken some 5mg diazipam wich I hope will kick in soon, I have a stinking cold and feel like I cant breath as it is and now im panicking terrible about it, Im not sure I can continue with the way rhus increase is affecting me xxx
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