Needing reassurance...

[tap1115]

Hello, I'm Tara, 28 years old. To cut right to the point, I had my daughter with an epidural in 2011 and it was a great experience for me. Had a week of postpartum "blues" with her but otherwise was completely normal.

This year, May 15th, I gave birth to my son. I was induced at 5am, and he entered this world 1 hour and 13 minutes later. Needless to say, there was no time for an epidural. The experience was very traumatic for me, I was not prepared for that pain, nor how to breathe to help myself deliver him. For the past 5 and 1/2 months, I have been dealing with the most anxiety I have ever experienced in my life.

I have always been healthy, no medical problems. No issues ever actually, until after my son. These are some symptoms I am currently dealing with...
1) Extreme anxiety about work, home, my health, my children's health, finances.
2) A constant looming dread that something is terribly wrong with me and I am going to die.
3) Waking up in anxiety attacks (heart racing, hot flash, chest pain, heart palpitations on occasion, shaking ALL OVER)
4) Migraines a few times weekly, with and without visual auras of "water ripples" in my peripheral vision.
5) Dizziness or a sense or "off balance" as if I am in a boat, this is usually a daily thing and varies in intensity. I do notice that when working and focused on the task at hand, I do not feel dizzy.
6) Chronic sinusitis and inner ear pressure/pops/pain- seeming to both be worse the more upset I am.

Those are the major things... I can no longer wear my contacts as since having my son my eyes cannot tolerate them and my vision seems sometimes "fuzzy"... I have a general sense of my head feeling like a balloon or floaty and all foggy..

At 2 months postpartum I had a CAT scan of my chest, my head, an EKG, a full blood panel, all normal...

I feel crazy... as time goes on I can say that I have noticed it getting better. I just want my normal self back...

Has anyone else gone through all of the above? I feel so alone...
I appreciate GREATLY any feedback...

[psychmom]

Oh Tara! I totally can resonate with your feelings! I had no real issues during my first mat leave but now with my second I've had ridiculous anxiety. For me the first six months were actually manageable bc I was going for walks, my husband was around for the first four months, I was doing yoga. But once she started sleeping in her crib for naps at six months I stopped having those outlets bc I was stuck home with her few times a day. I was also working in addition to being the primary caregiver so it all came to a head at the end of August when she was seven months and I started having panic attacks. Since then I've been obsessed with the idea that I'll be completely debilitated by panic and won't be able to work or enjoy my life ever again (even though I know that is really not likely). I lost 12 lbs in September and wasn't sleeping well so I decided to start antidepressants on October 1st. Honestly I can see that they've helped a lot and things are improving but the intrusive thought is there throughout the day. I'm hoping that things continue to improve and I've actually been doing some really interesting research on low progesterone and low estrogen (im breastfeeding still) and their impact on anxiety and obsessions. Monica in here has been so helpful as well in terms of reassuring me that this will get better. It's so hard to believe when I'm in the midst of anxiety though!!

[monica]

Hello Tara and welcome

Congratulations on your baby. I'm so sorry you've been plagued with these issues. I can completely identify with what you've written. For me my pni commenced with odd and inexplicable physicsl symptoms after a particularly exhausting week. I had very sensitive watery eyes, y eyesight seemed to worsen a bit, I had this odd pressure sensation behind one of my eyes. After a short time I also got this feeling of being permanently out of it and foggy headed as if I wasn't there. I developed headaches, tingling and numb patches which would change on a daily basis . I was completely exhausted too as if I was coming down with the flu. I also had this sensation of being dizzy .

My drs coukdnt tell me what tgese symptins were. All blood tests were ok - later I saw a eye specialist , ent specialists , neurologist and had ct scan - all ok.

Mentally I deteriorated v quickly and convinced myself I was seriously ill and I developed terrible anxiety. For me the turning point were anti depressants - many of my physical symptoms lifted quite quickly. A psych nurse who specialised in pnd told me the the foggy feeling was a known depression symptom .

Sorry to go on but I hope I havecreassueed you. No one not drs nurses specialists told me it was pisdible to have these symptoms with pni. Ultimately for me there was no other explanation.

It's good your symptoms have been thoroughly checked out - as there can be physical causes like thuroid issues.

With regards to recovery antids were the right course of action for me. There are pros and cons to this. Exercise helped hugely and lifted the foggyheaded ness . Talking therapies can help hugely too by finding the root of issues - you mentioned the trauma of the quick birth - that might help u deal with this.

Please keep talking - the ladies here are really amazing and understand what ur going through x

[tap1115]

Thank you both sooooo much for responding. I am so thankful that I found this website and other women who have and are going through this. It is crazy that this makes you feel completely isolated and alone. I have felt like I am crazy and am the only person going through this.... of course I know that that is completely false.

I can feel myself slowly getting through it. I am approaching 6 months postpartum and definitely am not as bad as I was. I have been doing herbal/natural supplements aimed at anxiety and helping calm my nerves. They have helped some. I am trying to exercise regularly, that helps the head fogginess, and trying to eat a healthy, well balanced diet.

One of the doctors I saw 2 months postpartum did start me on an anti-depressant... It was a newer one she said, called Viibryd. After 2 days of taking it, all of my skin on my whole body went numb... I could feel deep sensation but otherwise my body was numb. That scared me so much and of course made the anxiety sooo much worse.. she told me to stop them and I never tried anything else out of fear.

While I am thinking about it... has anyone struggled with postpartum vaginal yeast infections?? I am not nursing anymore and my cycle has returned... I keep getting them and this is not something I dealt with prior to having him.

Thank so much everyone

[monica]

Hi

Pni is very isolating and it can feel as if there's noone out there who's been through what you're going through and often that no one understands you. But we do!

I understand your reticence to take meds after a bad experience. It is common though to have to try a couple of different types to find one that works - I think it all depends on how you feel and whether for you its worth the risk of trying something else. Perhaps chat to Dr about this?

Maybe natural supplements can help? I took vit B and evening primrose - years on after pni I find that vit B helps with pmt. Of course of ur bf find out if you can take them.

Sorry I don't know about the yeast infection - have u tried the off the shelf remedies like Canes ten? Perhaps pregnancy has changed vagunal ph levels ? Maybe get Dr to take swab? You can get the good bacteria supplements - might be worth a go? X