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Post by Jay on Aug 10, 2016 18:25:20 GMT
Well things are getting difficult. Today I have been tearful, had a really bad flash back session, not just hearing what the doctor was doing and telling me off about, but hit by feeling the actual pain of the procedure it sort of got me like a bolt of lightening, it made be nearly scream and It left me crying in the park while walking the dog. I have not had anything like that for quite a lot of years now. I have this horrible itching, my head is the worse..scalp, and face and my lips are tingling. I am sat here with a cillow pillow straight out of the fridge sat on top of my head and I keep burying my face in it..I so hope that it stops by bedtime otherwise I don't think I will be able to sleep. Not sure if it's withdrawal, I have taken diazepam and I am drinking lots of water to see if I can flush what ever it is away, I dont really know what I am talking about, but it must be to do with withdrawal and being low on antidepressants.
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Post by monica on Aug 10, 2016 21:06:16 GMT
How are you now at bedtime? If you still feel awful is it worth speaking to emergency dr? Maybe diazepam would help. Possibly being supported by a crisis team if you're struggling / you shouldn't have to go through this alone . The side effects really sound horrible . Keep talking x
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Post by Jay on Aug 10, 2016 21:29:36 GMT
Well I've just been and washed my hair with cold water to see if I can get any peace. I think that I could cry about it. I took a diazepam at about 5pm but it did not do much, could have one again now, might wait to see if I get really desperate. I'll have another go with the cold pillow thing. I seemed to have picked every spot, blemish etc. So I look awful, but I just can't control myself. I drop dose again tonight so down from 500mg to 100mg now, so hope I don't drop too much in spirits and side effects tomorrow. I am about to look for something on the TV to try to take my mind off of the itches Night night all
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Post by monica on Aug 10, 2016 21:39:21 GMT
Could you maybe cut back st a slower pace? I know when I started coming off meds my dr gave me a plan for reducing them. If I felt I was wobbling I would stick to the dose I was on for a bit longer. Maybe that would make it more bearable? Perhaps speak to dr and or pharmacist for advice x
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Post by monica on Aug 11, 2016 8:46:34 GMT
How did you sleep last night? How is the itching? X
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Post by Jay on Aug 11, 2016 20:31:23 GMT
Well I had my cold hair wash and decided to just sit up and fidget about, but about 1.30 I found I was nodding off so went to bed. I had not thought about slowing up the cut down of meds I was just focusing on getting it all over and done with. I shall have a think about it. Today has not been good, have not really done much today. Felt grotty all day then about 5pm the nausea hit me and I thought I was going to collapse, I can't go back to keep collapsing again. I also feel down and hate myself and although I felt so nausea I can't stop eating which is making me feel bad about myself. Stilling feeling fidgety
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Post by monica on Aug 13, 2016 7:27:57 GMT
Hi
How are you? How was yesterday? Would it be worth talking to dr about your symptoms as they're really horrible. I had another thought. A cpn who specialised in PNI recommended vit B and evening primrose supplements when coming off meds as feeling out of sorts was common and these supplements could help. Might be worth a try. Really hope today is a better day x
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Post by Jay on Aug 13, 2016 20:13:14 GMT
Today I am more tearful, still a bit itchy, and fed up with myself this morning I could see no good in the world, was deciding not to take any more meds and feeling that I did not care. I cried in the park when Ruby and I went for a walk when this nasty man let his dogs keep running and growling and being such a nuisance so we had to come home, at the time it seemed like the end of the world. I did a bit of gardening later and it bucked me up. I ended up managing better as the day went on. I can't remember if I am reducing meds again tonight or tomorrow night, I shall have to look it up. so its down now from 500mg to 50mg probably I am doing better than I expected I would. Keep plodding on!
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Post by Jay on Aug 14, 2016 8:04:29 GMT
No sleep till about 2.30am and now here I am in agony, I had forgotten what I use to feel like when things were bad. The inner tremors and awful inner feelings are horrible. Meds did go down last night and just now I decided to start the new meds tonight. I just have to get better again. I am sat out side gritting my teeth and sickness keeps wafting over me, I feel that I am back in the mess that I use to be in, it's a bit of a shock, and I can so sympathise with you girls as you are struggling I know, But I know ...yes I know that you will be well again. Don't feel bad about having meds, counselling cBT stick with it, I am messed up with other things...sexual abuse plus the birth trauma where they manually removed after birth , I was not being well and haemorrhaging lots a few hours after birth, and instead of taking me to an operating theatre and putting me to sleep, they just did the procedure on the ward holding me down with me begging and begging them to stop hurting me, something inside me died that day, which is why all these years later I am still having problems. Excuse me for moaning on but I can't help it today, it's all making me cry. But writing to you here makes me feel close to people who understand. Thank you
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 14, 2016 12:58:33 GMT
Awh I'm so sorry all that has happened to you. I have suffered abuse in my past, they think that's why I gave intrusive sexual thoughts!! Does that mean I will never get better??
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Post by Jay on Aug 14, 2016 15:37:04 GMT
Hi Kirsty It does not mean that you will never get better. That side of my life is gone, not forgotten, but gone it went with counselling and CBT I only mentioned it so that you did not think 'Crazy old woman should not be on the site'' it is depression and it is my PTSD of the birth trauma which makes me poorly , I suffer with really really bad anxiety. I was fine for many many years then when my mum died (a horrible death that tore me apart) which set the PTSD off again. Please do not think that you will never be well. I did not mean to make you feel that way, I am just so low at the moment because of being running low on antid's. I am sorry if I upset things, I was only letting out the mess that I am in at the moment as it is a place to come when family at home do not understand. Keep strong Kirsty I promise that you will be ok
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 14, 2016 17:15:36 GMT
Please do not apologise for opening up on here Hun! I'm pleased that you do I just wondered if it meant I wouldn't get better too! I wouldn't ever think you were crazy I feel really sorry for you having such a hard time. Please don't apologise to me you really don't need too! How are you feeling now?? Xx
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Post by monica on Aug 14, 2016 19:33:18 GMT
Big hugs Lynne - you really are a remarkable lady. I've always admired you. How you've battled with this illness and you've come far.
As shit as you feel it's down to coming off meds - hopefully the citalopram will kick in quickly and you'll feel better without the horrid symptoms of the old drugs. It's no wonder you're feeling so low atm - try to have hope that things will get better. When ru seeing ur dr next! X
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 17, 2016 19:48:16 GMT
Hello Lynne how are you? Xx
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Post by Jay on Aug 18, 2016 17:14:46 GMT
Well I don't sleep at night which is a nuisance thank goodness it's summer so it is warm while I watch TV in the night, then of course I keep dropping off to sleep on and off all day. Still a bit itchy and fidgety. Today I feel dizzy (and I'm not even blonde!! Lol). Had a couple of really low days, you know ....standing in the shower sobbing for an hour and thinking how am I ever going to get well, but the citilapram has sorted that out so have not cried for a couple of days now. Will keep plodding on.
Hope all you girls are coping. Keep strong you will get there. Lynne x
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