fholl
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Posts: 1
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Scared
Jul 27, 2016 8:58:56 GMT
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Post by fholl on Jul 27, 2016 8:58:56 GMT
Hi I had my daughter 7 weeks ago she was all I ever dreamed of she's absoloutley beautiful I love her so much but I have recently been diagnosed with pnd ocd , I have constant thoughts of harming her it's causing me so much distress I feel like I have lost who I was l, I feel like such a failure I was made redundant before maternity leave and just feel like I've failed at everything all I ever wanted was too be a good mum I don't want to be scared of my own thoughts anymore I would be so great full for any replies
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Scared
Jul 27, 2016 10:30:35 GMT
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Post by monica on Jul 27, 2016 10:30:35 GMT
Welcome to our site
I'm so sorry you're struggling with PNI - it's a cruel illness . The thoughts you're suffering from are symptoms of PNI , and clearly extremely distressing for you. I had obsessive thoughts about illnesses and dying - I could not rationalise them . Someone explained them as the mothering instinct going into overdrive where you see harm coming to your baby even from yourself - this makes sense to me. So you're not a bad mum - usually mums who have these thoughts are amazing, loving and caring mums. It's clear you fall into that category .
You will recover from this - it can be a hard journey but you will win. With support it will be easier. Have you seen your health visitor or gp? If so what have they suggested ?
Talking therapies can be excellent. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be a very effective tool in combatting negative thought patterns. Medication (anti depressants) can really help although not everyone wishes to take them . I can give you a few pros and cons of u like . Please keep talking X
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Scared
Jul 27, 2016 11:12:54 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Jul 27, 2016 11:12:54 GMT
Hello and welcome, I know exactly how you feel as I have horrible thoughts too. Unfortunately mine are sexual thoughts of me or anyone else hurting my baby or other children. It's horrible. I totally sympathise with you. Listen to the ladies on here as they are my lifeline when I'm struggling (as Monica knows) she has been a really support to me. I'm here to talk too if you want too. Xx
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Scared
Jul 27, 2016 11:18:13 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Jul 27, 2016 11:18:13 GMT
X
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Scared
Jul 28, 2016 14:11:54 GMT
Post by Jay on Jul 28, 2016 14:11:54 GMT
Just saying Hi I hope that things improve for you soon. Don't forget that you are a good person and mum to your beautiful baby, you have these thoughts now but things will improve. Please don't feel a failure I send my love Lynne
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Scared
Jul 28, 2016 16:48:51 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Jul 28, 2016 16:48:51 GMT
Lynn, did you have horrible thoughts? Kirsty x
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Scared
Jul 30, 2016 21:07:57 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Jul 30, 2016 21:07:57 GMT
How are you? X
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Scared
Aug 5, 2016 12:48:28 GMT
Post by Jay on Aug 5, 2016 12:48:28 GMT
Hi I am an older lady who had a trauma at the birth of my daughter Katie who is now 25 and it left me with PTSD, depression and bad anxiety. Several Years ago I use to use the site all the time after the death of my mum made me unwell again and I had problems again, and am revisiting again now for some support while I change my antidepressants. When I used the site before the girls use to message and support each other We use to message all the time and I made friends with a few ladies who had a problem like you have, it was so awful to hear how distressed and frightened they were. It probably seems like it will never go away....but it will, it's just horrible that it takes a time to get well. I expect that you spend time trying to work out ...'what has happen to me?..'how can I feel like this?'......it's all so cruel and not fair. But mum's (YOU) are special, we made our babies and it is so clever that we could do this. Do not feel a failure about losing your job, you now get up all the nights for feeding etc. how ever tired you are, you are on duty 24/7, we do this because we are meant to do this, this is your new job and it's a bit daunting as it is all new to you. Remember that you are special, and a good person, the nasty thoughts will go away. Get any help that is offered to you through the bad times, whether it's from GP , HV or counsellors, antidepressant if the GP thinks it will help, remember that when you are well again that you will not need to continue with the help offered so don't worry about it. What's your babies name?
Something to think about... Look at that little baby girl and feel her love, hold her, look at her little face, her lips, her eyes, her little nose, and slow your breathing down and let your heart melt, .....melt into the love you have for her, ....breath long and slow.....breath in and slowly blow the bad thoughts away ....breath and push the awful feelings away ...and enjoy the smiles from her and whisper her name ........ Take lots of care Lynne xx
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Scared
Aug 5, 2016 14:43:56 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 5, 2016 14:43:56 GMT
Hello Lynn it's good to hear your story and I'm Sorry your going through a rough time again. Those ladies you knew that had horrible thoughts did they get well again and did they go once they got well?? I'm struggling to think ill ever be ok and not have the thoughts again. I struggle to remember what I was like before this. I'm finding it all so hard and I'm feeling so flat and withdrawn. Take care Kirsty xx
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Aug 5, 2016 18:59:40 GMT
Post by Jay on Aug 5, 2016 18:59:40 GMT
Yes Kirsty they did get better. It took a bit of time but they got there. The two I remember who have the bad thoughts of hurting their baby....well one went on to have another baby and she was absolutely fine with baby No. 2. The other decided not to have any more children (which is what I decided to do) and I talked lots to her about not feeling guilty at making this decision, she has gone on to be fit and healthy and have a very happy life and she adores her little boy (who is probably a much bigger lad now), she also started up a PNI help group in the area where she lived and I think it was part of her church. PNI is not for life, it's just a horrible bad spell, and it affects people in different ways, What I do know is that a few words with people who understand and who do not judge can lift some of the awful grey away and make you feel a bit safer. So post again and let some of the worrying thoughts out. I have not read your posts, but I shall look you up and check up on how you are doing Keep strong... Lynne x
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Aug 6, 2016 8:24:45 GMT
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Post by Kirsty on Aug 6, 2016 8:24:45 GMT
Thank you for your post Lynne. Means a lot xx
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Aug 13, 2016 20:18:21 GMT
Post by Jay on Aug 13, 2016 20:18:21 GMT
Are you there fholl? Do you want to talk?
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