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Post by justmommy on Apr 7, 2021 12:03:32 GMT
Hi, How are you dealing your premenopsal side effects? My panic attacks are little better. My sleep was also was showing small improvement but now my baby girl wakes up too often. And she cries a lot and loudly. Teething and weaning are the problems i am guessing. My husband is off this week, not sure what will happen later as he starts to work from home again, it will be hard for me. I want to set a me time to feel better but I can’t seem to be able to do it. Watching tv at night for a short while only i can do. With the baby always something new and challenging keeps coming. I didn’t think this far when i wanted to have a baby. I guess that’s what put me anxieties as well. But even if i thought; i wouldn’t able to prepare myself. Weaning is fun when she likes it but also hard if it is too much for her or what to do next.
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Post by monica on Apr 10, 2021 19:44:35 GMT
Hi
Great to hear the panic attacks have subsided and the sleep is improving. Aghh shame the baby is waking up more. Teething is horrid! If it's bad could you give calpol. I remember buying these granules for teething (began with'c') can't remember what it's called but it seemed to help.
It difficult to get into a routine. Maybe ask your husband to take the baby every night at 7pm for an hour, so even if you find it hard to get a routine he might be able to start one that you can adapt to? You'll build up confidence and realy look forward to each change the baby makes, you really will. This is a time when you're getting used to things and building confidence and in time it will seem less daunting.
the perimenopause!! It's not great! I'm started taking evening primrose and starflower oil supplements which does help. I'm just trying to up my seed intake and eat a bit healthier!
Just remember youre doing brilliantly!
Monica
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Post by justmommy on Apr 12, 2021 12:46:53 GMT
Hi Monica Well I kind of having little taste of menapouse and i can say it’s tough. Seeds/vitamins will help hopefully. For teething, they have chamomile granules. I tried once. Also have calpol as a back up at home. It’s always adapting to a new situation with babies. As a person, who likes to have plan b and planned, it’s hard for me. Hopefully, i can change the way i think somehow. My mother in law wants to come, she has a ticket for this Friday. She might change her mind at last minute but let’s see. Her coming will be nice but also not easy. It’s nice to feel little better. She’s going through another leap/growth spurts. When i was a baby i am not sure if it was a thing. Nhs therapist sent me a acceptance method chart. I have to work on that. Hopefully after today’s sunny but col weather we will have better days☺️
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Post by monica on Apr 12, 2021 15:11:48 GMT
Hi
Many mums who are used to planning and controlling their lives before kids struggle with the loss of control you can have with a baby. It can be almost impossible to do things to set times and how you’d want to do them. Before kids I thought a baby would adapt to my plans but it was the opposite!! My eldest in particular was very demanding. Sometimes I wouldn’t shower for a couple of days as couldn’t find the time! It’s all hard!
I hope you mother in law coming over gives you some time for yourself . It can be challenging having to accommodate another person especially if they have their own way of doing things. Perhaps beforehand have a think of what would help you - perhaps talking baby for a walk? Cooking? Cleaning? Just to make life easier.
What’s an acceptance method chart? I’d be interested to hear? How is that going? X
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Post by justmommy on Apr 14, 2021 12:30:05 GMT
Monica, Here’s the link for the acceptance method www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/Options.pdfI didn’t apply it for my situations but I hope that i can do this week. My baby girl loves to cuddle and vvshe got used to it too much i am not sure; but i also know in the future i will miss cuddles. I can wash my hair once a week if i can,but i take shower everyday even if i need to put her bouncer/seat, buckle up and take her to the bathroom with me. I always tie up my hair, so she won’t pull it; but recently i realised it made me bad or let’s say less of myself. Now i try to tie up half at least. I wasn’t aware hair made much difference how i see myself. Thanks for the tip, i really need to think what can i ask from my mother in law. She is a energetic lady but with covid her mental health and also some physcial issues occured. I hope that it won’t be a challange as much as i think. At least my baby will see someone from the family and they will able to connect better.
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Post by monica on Apr 15, 2021 8:30:05 GMT
Hi
It’s great you are showering daily - as I said I really struggled to find the time to do that in the early months so that’s a huge positive.
Aww baby cuddles are the best and I’m sure you’re daughter will love them from you when she’s older. My 12 yr old son loves hugs and is very affectionate even now!
I had a look at the attachment. It’s similar but more detailed to the technique I was shown and for me when I struggled with anxiety it helped me break down my thoughts and structure so that instead of a jumble of anxious thoughts in my head, they were clear and manageable. If you don’t mind, I might share that link on the site just in case other ladies would find it useful. If you don’t mind, could you let me know how you get in with doing this task this week if you do it?
Any more news on your mother in law arriving? Really hope she can give you a break that you need and of course, it’ll be great for baby to bond with her x
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Post by justmommy on Apr 15, 2021 13:08:18 GMT
Hi,
I think that you can share the link as it is online publicly. The breakdown is done nicely. For example, I am making my mother in law coming a little problem. I am between accepting and let it go. In general, i get along well with her but with the baby she has different point of views somtimes; but i also know from my friends it could have been worse with more traditional moms/mother in laws. So far she’s coming tomorrow late afternoon. They asked so many question and test requests in order her to come, ahh i wouldn’t go through it if i was her. With this acceptance method i think from time to time u have to go through again as i am an overthinker. I recently realised that because of my ppa i let him make some decision etc about the baby. And now it is little hard for me to convince him otherwise on some daily things about the baby. For my personal devlopment i need to learn less dependent on him. I am hoping, that when i get much better, i can do something to help new mom’s like me. And they don’t feel bad from the start.
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Post by monica on Apr 16, 2021 15:00:54 GMT
Hi
Has you mother in law arrived? I hope it all goes well. Yes you have to do lots of things nowadays before arriving - covid test, fill in form, book two expensive tests whilst you’re self isolating ...
I’m sure it’ll be a nice visit. Older generation always have their way of doing things and it’s always the best! I bet I’ll be the same! Try to ignore it and get you want from the visit . You will recover from this and in time and May even view this as a positive learning experience . I am sure you’d be brilliant at supporting other mums too. There’s nothing more positive than a sufferer who can’t see how things get better, is reassured by someone who has recovered x
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Post by justmommy on Apr 20, 2021 12:28:59 GMT
Hi, Yes she arrived on Friday. It’s been going ok. Of course she wants to do house work or baby stuff little differently. I try to let her own way. In the mornings I wake up little panicky, i thought of it maybe i feel insecure when someone else come and observe how i do mother stuff. I am not sure if it makes sense.
I know it’s a long way to recover or make my mental health more manageable but hopefully in the future i will find a way to make things ok.
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Post by monica on Apr 21, 2021 7:21:49 GMT
Hi
You would be an inspiration for other mums struggling with Pni. Listening, sympathy and empathy as well as re counting your story are so comforting. This illness is so isolating and makes mums feel very lonely.
Glad the visit is going well. I think it’s Normal for the older generation to do things there own way and think it’s best. Also I completely understand the feeling of insecurity. Once you build up your own confidence this will pass. I hope the company and help can give you a bit of time to do your own thing x
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Post by justmommy on Apr 23, 2021 15:20:35 GMT
Hi Exactly, for some reason pni is a lonely situation; maybe because people are not talking about it enough. I just got my period back this morning so hopefully things get better in hormonal way for me. Two nights ago, we argued with my husband front of ny mother in law, it was a silly thing. But I outburst; although i was right i looked like the one is wrong. It’s hard for me to tolerate my mother in laws some behavior and husbands.
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Post by monica on Apr 23, 2021 17:26:37 GMT
Hi
I’m sorry about your argument. It’s hard if sometimes especially with a third person there. The relationship with a mother in law can be tricky! My ex mother in law is a lovely woman but does many things differently to me. I don’t iron anything yet she Irons everything so when she used to come over that’s what she used to do which was pointless. Needed help with kids someone to play with them but she was all about cleaning etc. My ex was a difficult man yet she te would never critism him or support me which used to annoy me.
Try to get the most out of her and enjoy the positive things!
Yes post natal illness is very isolating. Due to shame, feeling less of a woman and often women don’t have energy to interact with others.l, it’s not talked about. This so wrong and it is getting better after all 20% of women suffer from this. X
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Post by justmommy on Apr 26, 2021 12:30:30 GMT
Hi, It’s not easy to live 24/7 with a mother in law, even if she’s lovely person. I am thankful it’s only for a short term. Do you think that pni is related our own childhood and our relationship with our own mother ? One of the causes of pni i think is the ideals we created unknowingly. 20% percent is not low, and i am pretty sure this last year it increased a lot. I met personally a mother that i met through Peanut app, after talking 6 months, it was very nice socializing. I hope that i can find the courage to got baby classes in real life maybe after the summer. I don’t want my girl to miss out intereactions How was your weekend? It was great to have a sunny weathe
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Post by monica on Apr 27, 2021 18:48:30 GMT
Hi
It’s great you’ve met another mum! It can make a huge difference. Are there any other groups opening up in your area? My friend was going to go to ive today but was ill so I guess it’s starting to happen again. I’ve never heard of peanut app? Is a place for mums specifically?
How’s it going with your mother in law? When is she leaving? How does baby get on with her?
As for causes of Pni, they’re very varied. Definitely relationships with own mum could be cause, but there are others. Stress, past mental illness, past abuse, with me having unrealistic expectations of how I should be as a mum meant I did too much and made myself ill, exhaustion, unsupportive partner or simply hormones ! Yes you’re right 20% is so high!
I love the sun! Here’s to better and warmer days! X
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Post by justmommy on Apr 28, 2021 19:37:03 GMT
Hi, I think in May there would be more baby classes but not sure how it will be with covid. Still not feeling comfortable with people i don’t know much. Peanut is American based I think but UK based moms are there too; specific for moms- like Mush. Expectations/ideals made me worse i think, but of course i had previous anxiety attack situations. Things are going little better with my mother in law. My husband started to work intense again from home, which i think causes him stress and of course reflecting on me. I know when my baby gets older, become toddler things will get more complicated. That scares me, if i am going to able coping. With weaning i am stuck with lunch and snack. In the mornings formula milk is easy. Hopefully i can find easy recipe for breakfast too
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