returning to work

[caz]

hi everyone
I've only just discovered this site, so please bear with me. I feel so anxious and low today. My baby is nearly 10 months old, and I also have a daughter aged 4 years. I absolutely adore them both, but haven't been well for some time. No one has officially said that I have pnd (my GP just signs my sick notes with "anxiety/stress", although my health visitor told me a while back "of course you've got post-natal depresion!)
I went back to work following maternity leave, but only lasted 5 weeks as I wasn't coping AT ALL. Now financial pressures have urged me to go back to work, but although I'm meeting my manager next week to discusss this, I really don't want to go. I think there are 2 main things stopping me: I don't enjoy my job very much, it is extremely stressful, and yes, I have thought about changing to do something else, but as i am a health care professional, I can't find anything else that would pay as well.
The second thing that is making me feel awful that I absolutely DREAD the thought of leaving the girls, the baby in particular (the eldest is about to start school). I am so fearful that something is going to happen to her and I won't be there. I didn't feel this heightned anxiety first time round. The baby care is shared by my mother and my in-laws, and I don't feel as bad leaving her with my mother as with my in-laws.
I lost my first 2 pregnancies (one stillbirth, one miscarriage...read into that what you will). I would deeply appreciate some help and support as the days get nearer for me to HAVE to return to work. thanks for listening

[SarahCraig]

Hi Caz,

I am not sure where to start but believe me I have similar thoughts to you. I dread the day that is looming ahead of me to return to work, mine is about 3 weeks ahead. I too am a health care professional and don't want to go back. My husband is as supportive as possible but i feel that I should bring in money, but don't want to go back, I am fearful of the day I start back. I was wondering if there was anyway you could work from home? I am looking into childminding - yes the pay is poor but you get to be with you children - an option maybe?

But hey, have you spoken to your health visitor about how you feel? Or is she not someone you can relate to? Because you sound like you need to talk things through somemore. Maybe return to your GP?

You have been through a lot with your first two pregnancies and feeling so low so don't give yourself a hard time. Give yourself time to adjust and talk through all your options about your job with your partner and health visitor.

take care of yourself,
Thinking of you
Sarahx

[Conway]

Hi Caz,

You.ve probably already gone back to work by now...but i read what you wrote with great interest...i to have returned to work.

My boy is now 22 months and i hate every day i'm away from him..i'm a teacher and i still have PND...some days i just want to cry out load and i often do when i'm alone with the baby. My mum and mum inlaw have him too...and i have probs with my in law looking after him....its the anxiety thing, you can't help it.

My husband moans about us not having enough money, so i too felt pressured into going back to work...and now he doesn't even notice the fact that i still have PND....he just moans now that he doesn't get enough attention!!!!!!!!!


Ring any bells?

Hope all is well, keep in touch

Conway

[Caz]

Hi conway

yes, you're right, I'm now back in work (since July). My manager was amazingly understanding and supportive, allowing me to only work a few hours initially.

I feel a lot better in myself, but still am anxious about leaving the girls. despite this, I have been pursuaded to have a few weekends away (a major breakthrough), which gave me time to enjoy myself without the responsibility of being a mum (but thank god for mobile phones!)

I am looking into establishing my own business working from home, as I still get low satisfaction form my day-job.

Hope everything goes OK for you. there is light at the end of the tunnel, although I'm not sure what the cure is for being a neurotic, over-protective mum!
Take Care
Caz