P N D - Why???

[julianne]

Hello,
I've been visiting this site now for about a year. I have twins that are 15mths old and have been taking anti'd's since they were 6 weeks. I feel as though I have just been left to get on with things alone. I have recieved no counselling. I was refered to a pysciatrist who basically confirmed that I wasn't crazy and was just suffering pnd. Which reasured me for a day or so but then he old feelings of lack of self worth came crawling back in. I have been on 2 different types of anti'ds and am currently on my highest of 5 levels. I have thought maybe it's related to my time of the month so have brought a natural alternative that is meant to help. I really just don't know what to do. I hardly leave the house I just don't want anyone I used to know to see me. I used to be popular and have lots of friends to talk to but now feel I only really have 2. I have put on alot of weight and am currently the biggest I have ever been. I over eat, for example the other day i eat a box of chocolates and 4 bars aswell as my normal intake of food. I am becomming increasingly worried about the relationship I have with food as I feel i can't control the amount I eat. I have considered plastic surgery but can't warrant spending that much money on myself. I have also recently brought some diet pills hoping that they may help. I never thought I was that big until I looked in the mirror recently and feel that I truely saw myself for the first time, as a big fat lump with no distinguishing features. This is also having an effect on my marriage. I don't feel i am attractive enough to have sex so am always turning my husband down. He nows thinks I don't love him and is constantly asking if I do. He thinks that I don't find him attractive anmore but I do, it;s me I just can't convince him of that. Has anyone got any ideas???

[Cath]

Julianne, I know what you feel like, Ive had pnd for the last 16 months and Im truly sick of it, it drags on and on but it is not as bad as at the beginning for me as I had it severely. I think you have to try to put things in perspective and think that its unrealistic to beleive this will go on and on until you're in my 90s!! It proven to be a temporary though nasty illness that takes what feels like a very long time to heal up, but one that eventually results in total recovery. It is also an illness that makes you feel negatively about yourself and your image and decreases if not obliterates any sexual feelings, this does not mean however that you will be forever denied feelings of self worth and a loving attachment with others.
chin up, Cath

[Elaine]

Hi Julianne

I too have a daughter aged 14 months and have suffered PND since she was about 3 months old. I am nowhere near as bad and feel that I am getting better. But as you say I still don't really feel normal and like my old self.

I too have put on loads of weight since being the anti-depressants. I feel bigger now than when I was pregnant. I lost loads of weight straight after the birth and it was great but then went on the tablets and the weight seems to creep on. I agree, you just constantly want to eat and now that the cold weather is coming it just seems worse.

Talk to hubby and reassure him that you love him and how you feel about yourself. Talking is so important. I tell my other half how bad I feel and he is very understanding.

PND is horrid and does seem to last forever. I keep reminding myself that I am getting better and although not very nice I remind myself of how bad I was this time last year and how much I have improved. Okay so I am not completely recovered but I'm getting there. As are you!

It will go and you will be your old self again in time. Remember real friends will not judge you for how you look or feel but accept you as the lovely person you are. I'm sure you're still very popular - but feeling down makes you feel very negative and less confident. Be proud of yourself - you have beautiful twins - how clever is that!!!

Hope I haven't waffled on too much - take care

Elaine