Post by scoobydufus on Aug 17, 2004 14:01:02 GMT
Two years ago, my wife and I moved into together. She had two children from her first marriage, so from being perenial bachelor, I became a father to two girls and a husbandover night. My wife became pregnant in January last year. It was not a happy time, as my wife was unsure if she wanted the baby, but eventually decided much to my happiness that she did want the baby. We married in August and our beautiful son was born in january. i immediatly became a doting father, as you would probably expect.
However, what should then have been a happy time for us, suddenly for me changed into a nightmare. Within two weeks of the bay being born, the silence began. Our relationship had been good, with the usual arguments about differences of opinion over how to bring up kids etc. This was more difficult because my wifes children weren't my flesh and blood and i got little say in what went on with them. Suddenly all of everything stopped overnight.
I thought that perhaps she was ahaving touch of the baby blues, so I tried to supportive, and do as much as I could for our son and my wife. The one afternoon from absolutely nowhere, it happened. From the way my wife spoke to me, I thought I had turned into the antichrist. Everything I did was wrong, i wasn't doing enough, I was showing to much attention to my son and not our daughters. I was controlling, I wouldn't let her go outanywhere, and finally she was unhappy and didn't want to be there any more. I was devastated. I know you don't know me, but I can honestly say, that even after long reflection, none of what my wife had accused me of was true. Appart from being doting dad to my own son maybe, but even my wifes mum has said that was natural.
Anyway, i apologised for my lack of thought and my behaviour, even though I didn't know what I was supposed to have done, and said I would try harder. Still the silence continued. I was being treated like an outsider in my own home. My wifes oldest became very clingy to her, and I was left to try to make the best of things with our son and middle child. I managed this quite well and we got on fine, but still the silence continued, with my wife barely speaking to me. I always left the lines of communication open with my wife, but her response was just one of hostility. I would speak to her, and she would reply. Just reply. the only time my wifewould speak to me was to tell me what it was that I had done wrong that day, or what I hadn't done. I have yet to hear her refer to me to my son as Daddy.
After seven months of living like an outsider, my wife has just been to the Doctors and been told she has depression. She is now on medication. She has told me nothing of what has been said by the doctorand I have not asked, because i just get treated like I'm being nosey or intrusive. The truth is I just care, and am worried for my new wife and son. I strongly suspect that my wife has PNI because i am told that it can show in two ways. One is towards the baby, and the second is towards the father. Fortunately for me, it seems this is the option or burdon I have to carry.
I still love my wife dearly although if I'm honest, I sometimes wonder why I am still living in this house with her. I feel like an entity that wanders around the house and only becomes visble when I am needed to perform some task that my wife either can't do, or would prefare not to do. I live in a form of isolation, where most of the time I am not spoken to, unless its to be criticised or the information passed is need to know stuff. Conversation died along time ago. Its difficult to keep a conversation going when you get either one word answers or ignored.
I don't know what to do. I have spoken to colleagues and some have experienced the same thing.
Its so easy for people to say that a woman has postnatal, so get treatment for it, but they are not there. You can't advise your wife because invariably you are the source of the problem being hells spawn to live with. If you advise, you are looked with hostility and loathing. If you speak to her friends, you are accused of making slurrs against her.
When someone mentions Post natal, people regard it as a womans problem. No one ever tells the partner, that by the time you have finished chances are you will need medication for depression and councilling as well as being on the verge of a nervous breakdown. As I feel now, i cherish every moment I spend with my son, because i fear that it could be the last cuddle or hug I get from him before his mum walks out on me. I still don't know to this date what I am supposed to have done. I have worked myself into the floor, and feel no more appreciated than a builder building a wall for payment.
Please tell me what I can do for my wife when she won't tell me what the problem is and won't speak to me. I know she is speaking to someone, possibly a colleague at work, but I just wish it was me so I could help. . I just want the woman I married back to herself and for our marriage to start working again
Scoobydufus
However, what should then have been a happy time for us, suddenly for me changed into a nightmare. Within two weeks of the bay being born, the silence began. Our relationship had been good, with the usual arguments about differences of opinion over how to bring up kids etc. This was more difficult because my wifes children weren't my flesh and blood and i got little say in what went on with them. Suddenly all of everything stopped overnight.
I thought that perhaps she was ahaving touch of the baby blues, so I tried to supportive, and do as much as I could for our son and my wife. The one afternoon from absolutely nowhere, it happened. From the way my wife spoke to me, I thought I had turned into the antichrist. Everything I did was wrong, i wasn't doing enough, I was showing to much attention to my son and not our daughters. I was controlling, I wouldn't let her go outanywhere, and finally she was unhappy and didn't want to be there any more. I was devastated. I know you don't know me, but I can honestly say, that even after long reflection, none of what my wife had accused me of was true. Appart from being doting dad to my own son maybe, but even my wifes mum has said that was natural.
Anyway, i apologised for my lack of thought and my behaviour, even though I didn't know what I was supposed to have done, and said I would try harder. Still the silence continued. I was being treated like an outsider in my own home. My wifes oldest became very clingy to her, and I was left to try to make the best of things with our son and middle child. I managed this quite well and we got on fine, but still the silence continued, with my wife barely speaking to me. I always left the lines of communication open with my wife, but her response was just one of hostility. I would speak to her, and she would reply. Just reply. the only time my wifewould speak to me was to tell me what it was that I had done wrong that day, or what I hadn't done. I have yet to hear her refer to me to my son as Daddy.
After seven months of living like an outsider, my wife has just been to the Doctors and been told she has depression. She is now on medication. She has told me nothing of what has been said by the doctorand I have not asked, because i just get treated like I'm being nosey or intrusive. The truth is I just care, and am worried for my new wife and son. I strongly suspect that my wife has PNI because i am told that it can show in two ways. One is towards the baby, and the second is towards the father. Fortunately for me, it seems this is the option or burdon I have to carry.
I still love my wife dearly although if I'm honest, I sometimes wonder why I am still living in this house with her. I feel like an entity that wanders around the house and only becomes visble when I am needed to perform some task that my wife either can't do, or would prefare not to do. I live in a form of isolation, where most of the time I am not spoken to, unless its to be criticised or the information passed is need to know stuff. Conversation died along time ago. Its difficult to keep a conversation going when you get either one word answers or ignored.
I don't know what to do. I have spoken to colleagues and some have experienced the same thing.
Its so easy for people to say that a woman has postnatal, so get treatment for it, but they are not there. You can't advise your wife because invariably you are the source of the problem being hells spawn to live with. If you advise, you are looked with hostility and loathing. If you speak to her friends, you are accused of making slurrs against her.
When someone mentions Post natal, people regard it as a womans problem. No one ever tells the partner, that by the time you have finished chances are you will need medication for depression and councilling as well as being on the verge of a nervous breakdown. As I feel now, i cherish every moment I spend with my son, because i fear that it could be the last cuddle or hug I get from him before his mum walks out on me. I still don't know to this date what I am supposed to have done. I have worked myself into the floor, and feel no more appreciated than a builder building a wall for payment.
Please tell me what I can do for my wife when she won't tell me what the problem is and won't speak to me. I know she is speaking to someone, possibly a colleague at work, but I just wish it was me so I could help. . I just want the woman I married back to herself and for our marriage to start working again
Scoobydufus