Hi Simon
I am sorry you have not had any replies from me - sometimes there are men using this site - sometimes not.
If you want to contact someone individually you could go to the member’s area and send them an e mail.
There is a thread in the main board which may be of interest to you -click here
veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=546or here
veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=174As to your questions I will try to answer as best I can but please remember I am not an expert - just a woman who has had it.
I am writing this to support you not your wife as the only way we could do that would be if she came on the site
I am not a medical person but Prozac is not always effective for every woman with PNI so if it does not relieve the symptoms at all - perhaps she could go back to her GP to have her medication reviewed?
Where do you live? as if possible I would suggest she first go back to the GP and if she is not prescribed anything else she go to a prenatal specialist They are few and far between but do exist in some areas.
Have you thought of counselling perhaps even for you so you can express your obvious frustration?
I think a couple of months is far to early to see any improvement at all. There is a popular misconception even amongst medical people that Post Natal Illness is quite short term a few months. In fact even the statistics say the average length of time is 12 months and in my experience this is vastly optimistic as most of the woman I have spoken to over the last 10 years had it for over 18 months and many foe several years. For me it lasted 4 years.
This is not all doom and gloom however. Modern drugs and the right ones can shorten the length and while it may be some time until your wife can say she is totally over it this does not mean she will continue to feel as bad as she does now.
You say you feel that you
'should have been able to bring here out of this through a positive relationship and doing everything to please.'
Being supportive may lessen her distress and if you take some of the childcare off her it could give her time to begin to recover however your positive attitude is good but it will not cure her in itself.
The illness is not just about you so you can not cure it!!
However do not dismiss her saying that she needs you to help more and you have not helped enough.
If she feels you are not helping enough then for her you are not in terms of her needs now when she has PNI. Some women need the responsibility of care of their child completely taken away from them so they can take stock and begin the process of healing.
From what you say you may not be doing as much as she needs but as you work full time you are doing as much as you can!
So can someone else help with child care?
You are both quite young so do you have relatives young and fit enough to do some child care to help your wife.
If you are able financially you could have your child go to a childminder a few hours a week to give your wife a rest.
You asked 'IS DEPRESSION LIKE A PAIR OF BLINKERS COURSING TUNNEL VISION TOWARDS NEGITVE PERCEPTION ?
Yes it can be EXACTLY like that. In fact you describe some symptoms of PNI very well although thee are many more.
I sympathise and hear your frustration but what you have to start really understanding here is that your wife is ill.
Think of it like a broken leg, you would not expect your words of reassurance to mend the leg any quicker but you would know that it would be comforting to her even if she was in to much pain to let you know.
The other fact is that you are not ill, so while it will be an extra strain on you - you will be able to cope with taking on more.
My last point is I did not really understand what you were trying to say when you said:
'or is this dangerous to take to much off of my partner as it may lead to a non realistic state of affairs, after all no said is was going to be easy and shouldn’t we expect stress.'
How can it be dangerous to help out more when your partner is ill and suffering?
I'm afraid it sounded to me that you feel that she needs to be punished for being ill by being made to face stress that she can not at the moment.
Yes having children is never easy and it involves stress for everyone, but this is offset by the joy a parent who is not ill will get from seeing their child grow and develop and from communicating and interacting with them.
Unfortunately PNI often robs us of the joy and all we feel is the stress. It will help to relive this stress as much as you are able.
The good news is that PNI is normally self limiting - that is that most women get better. You will get back the partner you once knew and you will have happy times together with your child.
But it will help you cope if you accept that this will not go away overnight, your partner is ill and does need you to do more than you perhaps might of in terms of child care and housework etc.
You are not wrong all the time but you are there and who else can your partner display express her frustration to. She will be as frustrated as you that she is ill. No one wants to have PNI we would all much rather be enjoying our children’s first years.
However do not be a doormat either you have feelings too and even though she is ill as this thing is likely to last years rather than months it will do neither of you any god to bottle up your feelings. I do not mean be angry with her but tell her how you are trying to do your best and how frustrated and sad you feel that you can not make her well but that you will support her all the way.
All the best
Veritee
