Missing my daughter

[Tickle]

I have done some research into PND and this has lead me to your site. I have read several of the posts and realise that the torment that is recorded is that same as I have been subjected to. My partner (in my opinion) has got PND and has left with my 10 month old. She is denying my access and treating me basically like a criminal. I actually feel jealous of all the men who have posted on this site. The rest of the men are seeing their children day in day out and they know that their partners can over come PND . I do not see my daughter and I am missing her so much. I have already missed her first steps and know that I will have no say in her life. Apart from the lack of access, missing my daughter, being unable to help my ex (not that I feel like I should help her), I have got to go through a separation (that is not that pretty at the moment).

My brother stated that I should look at the brief interactions with my daughter as finding a speck of gold in amongst all the sh*t that is going on at the moment, and to be there to find the other specks of gold as they come up. They will be gold to me and they will also be gold to my daughter and one day we will have enough to be happy. However, I do not want the gold, I want the sh*t, day in day out. Basically I want to be a Dad not a weekend father taking her to the park and McDonalds.

I think that my exs biological clock ticked but mentally she was not prepared for a baby. I do not think that she really wanted a baby whereas I have always wanted a baby. I know from observing others men with babies that I took more of an active roll with my daughter, changing nappies, feeding, getting up in the night, baby sitting after a full day at work while my partner had telephone conferences to further her career. . . My ex was a confident professional and I do not think that she has coped with not being able to control the babt and has blamed me for this.

Is there anything I can do to make my ex realise that she has PND and that she is wrong to deny me access. Is she likely to cause harm to my daughter now that she does not have me to blame for everything?

[francoise]

HI TICKLE

i really do sympathise with you , it must be hard losing the day to day contact with your baby,
i can only say that if it was me say and my ex had gone through my choice which actually could of happened a few times in the last few months ,but he would have to approach me friom a sympathetic point of view , as in maybe you reading the threads and printing out the ones that you can relete to with your ex and maybe the posts that advice on what support and help there is out there and show them to her , i suppose tact is paramount bearing in mind the situation at present .

im srry i couldnt be more help but there will be a few more replies im sure on here soon which may help you and guide you better than i

keep us posted please and im sure this could be sorted


fran

[karl]

hi tickle
the same thing happened to me with my first daughter and about the same age as yours aswel but 12 years ago she is 13 now and growing up fast we have a wonderful relationship that is growing but it was very hard to get it back the way i did it was i went to a solisitor but i explained i didn't want to go to court that would make a bad situation worst we settled to going to a mutual meeting area and from there it has grown and not long after that i had access when ever i wanted IT DID TAKE TIME there are organisations that are there to help parents gain access and your lawyer will most likely know were they are
i know how tough this is I HAVE BEEN THERE
i know going through a lawyer when your partner is ill is not good but i found it was the on ly way for me to see my daughter some times you have to be selfish and i feel if i didnt then i would never have been apart of her life today
as i said that was many years ago and now my daughter comes and sees me and her step mum whom get on great when ever she likes not just at weekend and we are happy if you would like to talk more your find my email address on the address page

blessing and strength go to you

[Tickle]

Hmmmm.

My ex seems to have stopped all communication with me. I saw this posted on another website:

In order for a Mother to alienate a child from a Father that had a healthy normal relationship with his child, the mother must first break down the lines of communication. Then she must start to work on breaking down the childs need for the father and she does this by teaching the child that she and only she is the source for the childs existence, without her, the child would be hungry and in return for her love and nourishment the child must put her above all others.

A Mother will also put so much responsibility upon an alienated child that there's little time to think about Daddy and many times I lay in bed crying, asking God, why my daddy didn't try to help me? The only answer I ever got was the one my mother gave me and it was always the same "your father, never loved you, he left because he didn't want you, it's me that feeds you and pays the bills here, look around do you see your Dad anywhere, if you begged him to pull you out of the street, he wouldn't do it, he's worthless".


This was part of a narrative by someone who was kept from her father. This scares me. Why is she putting up such a barrier.

I have seen a lawyer. A good one. However he has been through too many bad separations that he suggested that I just take what I can get, do what the ex wants when it comes to seeing my daughter. I can see that it is one way of looking at it, the other way is, why should I bow to her falsehoods and paranoia?

At the moment I have decided it is too emotionally draining to see my daughter and am lying low. My ex is the barrier to me seeing my daughter. I feel that it would be better if I moved back "home" and make the barrier a geographical one.

Karl, I know that one day my daughter will ask about me and she will find out the truth. What concerns me is that in 2, 5, 10, 18 years I will have moved on, have a new family and she will be a stranger. How long were you kept away from your daughter? How was the "reunion"?

[karl]

ok what happened with my ex partner was like you, at the time we just couldn't cope being around each other and it got realy realy nasty wont go into personal history, my daughter was about 8 months old. but i ended up moving out living on my own for a while any way at this time i knew where my daughter was and had friend who kept me up to speed on what was going on. any way i was moving into a shared house so i thought should let my ex know and again a few exchanges took place and i was told to stay away but not as nice as that, i was also told that they would be moving and there was no way i'd find them
i spoke to a lawyer who was very simperthetice to me any way my lawyer told her lawyer that as a farther even though not married i had rights and so arrangement were made for me to have visiting rights at a drop in centre although by this time my daughter was about 18 months old the first few meeting were horrible she didn;t know me plus the atmosphere was horrid after a few visit my ex agreed to me taking ny daughter out of the centre for a few hours then return her later after a couple of weeks we stoped using the centre altogether and i picked her up from her family home it was worth it my daughter is now 13 and she loves my wife and her brother and 2 sisters she comes and visits when she wants and has a second home and the relationship between my ex and me has improved she came to my wedding reception and my wife and i went to hers

so i feel you should ask you lawyer to help you gain accesses to your daughter i won't lie and say it is easy cause its not and you will say thing that are hurtful there are organisations out there that are there to help and your lawyer should be able to find them
you might not get the relationship back with your partner but if you don't fight for it now you will lose your daughter

i hope this helps, personaly i glad i did what i did even with all the crap that went with it and yes it was and is worth it but you need to decide can you be strong enough for you daughter

blessing to you and be strong from one farther to another