Post by Tim on Sept 1, 2005 17:33:03 GMT
Hi
I'm quite a private person, but this is so important to me, I felt compelled to search for a place to seek some help or advice.
I have a son who'se just over 7 weeks old now. Before he was born, myself and his mother had an on and off relationship, we'd previously lived together for about a year, but then she moved into her own place as it didn't work out. We never argued, it was just that I didn't really know what I wanted and she was asking when I'd like to have a baby. Anyway, she'd moved out and we still saw each other from time to time. One day she told me that she was pregnant which I was more than a little bit shocked about because she was on the pill. We'd discussed the options and she made the decision to go ahead with having the baby, although I certainly wasn't sure of this at time because of other pressures going on in our lives.
Nine months later, our son arrived but I wasn't there for the actual birth because I was at my own home and he arrived at her house even before the paramedics or the mid-wife could arrive. Fortunately she wasn't on her own as a friend from across the road was there to help her. I was still very shocked that he'd actually arrived and I took a few days to adjust. It was even about three days before I even held him, which now I regret.
The reason I'm writing this is because, the mother seemed to be ok one day and the next not. She is actually quite a private person as well and although she was upset she didn't say much. I'd asked her when she seemed pretty low what was wrong, but she just said she gets like that sometimes. Then she was fine again.
Two days ago, she sent me a text message and packed her bags to go and see her mum who lives quite a way away. I tried talking to her on the phone, but she was really very angry saying that I wasn't there at the birth and didn't take time off after the birth of our baby. I asked her why she's only mentioned this now, some 7 weeks after his birth and she said that it was because she'd heard from another friend that I was shocked about the birth. She was very angry and said why hadnt I opened up to her, rather than hearing this from another person. It got the the point where she just hung up on me and wouldn't even reply to phone calls or text messages. When she did eventually reply to one of the messages, it just said that she was going away to see her mum and didn't even know if she would come back. I've been round to see my son every day after work, but I don't actually stay at the mothers house. However, I had recently asked them to stay over at my house at the weekends, which she's done for the past 2-3 weeks. I've then been able to help out with the night and early morning feeding.
I've spoken to her today and she's still extremely angry. I've tried to talk to her calmly saying that I can understand why she's very upset and she's right to think that way. I also said that this isn't something I can change now as it's in the past, but we need to keep talking to each other otherwise we'll get nowhere. She didn't seem that responsive to what I was saying.
I really wasn't sure whether this was depression of some sort or indeed how to even deal with it. When I've spoken with her, today in fact, she was still very angry and repeating the same things. I apologised to her and tried to explain what was going through my head at the time, but again, I'm not sure any of it go through to her. I've asked her what I can do, but she just said that she doesn't think I can do anything.
I'm not very concerned that she'll stay with her friends and family and not come back as she says that she doesn't want me anywhere near me or my son. The last time we spoke, I'd sent her a text message asking her whether she would mind if I contacted her or whether I should just wait until she contact me. She said that I could call her, but not in the next couple of days because the rest of the family were coming round.
I would certainly appreciate any help or advice on what to do or whether any other people have had similar experiences. I'm particuarly concerned that's she's denying me access to my son. If she's saying she doesn't even know whether she's coming back, then where do I stand?
Thanks in advance for any help.
I'm quite a private person, but this is so important to me, I felt compelled to search for a place to seek some help or advice.
I have a son who'se just over 7 weeks old now. Before he was born, myself and his mother had an on and off relationship, we'd previously lived together for about a year, but then she moved into her own place as it didn't work out. We never argued, it was just that I didn't really know what I wanted and she was asking when I'd like to have a baby. Anyway, she'd moved out and we still saw each other from time to time. One day she told me that she was pregnant which I was more than a little bit shocked about because she was on the pill. We'd discussed the options and she made the decision to go ahead with having the baby, although I certainly wasn't sure of this at time because of other pressures going on in our lives.
Nine months later, our son arrived but I wasn't there for the actual birth because I was at my own home and he arrived at her house even before the paramedics or the mid-wife could arrive. Fortunately she wasn't on her own as a friend from across the road was there to help her. I was still very shocked that he'd actually arrived and I took a few days to adjust. It was even about three days before I even held him, which now I regret.
The reason I'm writing this is because, the mother seemed to be ok one day and the next not. She is actually quite a private person as well and although she was upset she didn't say much. I'd asked her when she seemed pretty low what was wrong, but she just said she gets like that sometimes. Then she was fine again.
Two days ago, she sent me a text message and packed her bags to go and see her mum who lives quite a way away. I tried talking to her on the phone, but she was really very angry saying that I wasn't there at the birth and didn't take time off after the birth of our baby. I asked her why she's only mentioned this now, some 7 weeks after his birth and she said that it was because she'd heard from another friend that I was shocked about the birth. She was very angry and said why hadnt I opened up to her, rather than hearing this from another person. It got the the point where she just hung up on me and wouldn't even reply to phone calls or text messages. When she did eventually reply to one of the messages, it just said that she was going away to see her mum and didn't even know if she would come back. I've been round to see my son every day after work, but I don't actually stay at the mothers house. However, I had recently asked them to stay over at my house at the weekends, which she's done for the past 2-3 weeks. I've then been able to help out with the night and early morning feeding.
I've spoken to her today and she's still extremely angry. I've tried to talk to her calmly saying that I can understand why she's very upset and she's right to think that way. I also said that this isn't something I can change now as it's in the past, but we need to keep talking to each other otherwise we'll get nowhere. She didn't seem that responsive to what I was saying.
I really wasn't sure whether this was depression of some sort or indeed how to even deal with it. When I've spoken with her, today in fact, she was still very angry and repeating the same things. I apologised to her and tried to explain what was going through my head at the time, but again, I'm not sure any of it go through to her. I've asked her what I can do, but she just said that she doesn't think I can do anything.
I'm not very concerned that she'll stay with her friends and family and not come back as she says that she doesn't want me anywhere near me or my son. The last time we spoke, I'd sent her a text message asking her whether she would mind if I contacted her or whether I should just wait until she contact me. She said that I could call her, but not in the next couple of days because the rest of the family were coming round.
I would certainly appreciate any help or advice on what to do or whether any other people have had similar experiences. I'm particuarly concerned that's she's denying me access to my son. If she's saying she doesn't even know whether she's coming back, then where do I stand?
Thanks in advance for any help.
