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Post by je on Mar 16, 2006 13:46:35 GMT
i am suffering with pni and i know my boyfriend is finding it really difficult to deal with. he has said hed look on this site but he isnt very open with his emotions and im not sure whether he really will, and if he does i dont think hed consider posting.
i just wondered if any of you men who are in the same boat as him have any advice for him that i can print off and give to him, i think it would be really helpful.
the main symptom with my pni seems to be loss of self confidence and paranoia about my partner, feeling that he doesnt love me, like me or find me attractive. im obssessing over what he does on computer (caught him looking at porn/ naked women on computer and cant really deal with it), its gotten to the point where if he puts on the music channel i start shaking and get really upset which consequences as a HUGE arguement. he says he wants to help but doesnt know how.
if anyone else is going through anything similar with their wife/partner i think it'd be really helpful for him to hear what you have to say or what advice you have, helpful for me too.
thankyou.x.
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jef
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by jef on Mar 16, 2006 13:57:43 GMT
by the way my user name is jef, just wasnt logged in when i posted that.
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karl
New Member
Posts: 22
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Post by karl on Mar 19, 2006 23:29:47 GMT
hi jef my name is karl and i've not been on this site for a while i've had a few issues of my own to sort out but thats for a diffrent day.
can i help your partner was your question i'm not sure but i can tell you he's not alone and niether are you there are alot of people out here looking for help and answers.
my wife started her pni with our first child who is near 7 now so it has been a long time and in truth i'm still learning about the illness. it's not just the paranioa it's also you self isteam and you feel like you just want to hide from the world (this is how it seemed to affect my wife so i do appologise if i get it wrong) and the list goes on and on the problem is for us men we can't see how to make it better and as you said he/we don't like to show emotion with how can he help he needs to let you know that he loves you and to be there for you through these rough times from my own experience i feel you both need to communicate as it can affect him too, let him help you as much as he can to give your self time for you if he feels he needs to talk he can email me through here and i'll get back to him when i'm next on
sory if this seems like a ramble but hay ho
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Post by cheshire on Mar 20, 2006 0:00:14 GMT
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Post by lisauk on Apr 8, 2006 19:35:46 GMT
Hey Jef and husband, Sorry for calling you 'husband' but I don't know your name! I have PND and I have had it for around a month but I can't really be sure when it started and for the first few weeks I was in denial and I thought it was only just a bad mood and it passed but then I had a second 'bad mood' which was really severe. I wouldn't go out, I didnt trust my boyfriend, I reacted badly over minor problems, I would constantly try to clean the house but wander around for ages not knowing how to do it, I didn't feel a bond with my baby, I felt empty without any emotions except fear, unhappiness and anger. I would only let this anger out on my partner never my baby. I also had this feeling I was going to accidently harm my baby and if I ever hurt her by accident like I was putting her in her doorframe bouncer and I hurt her leg by mistake I thought I had done it on purpose - I actually convinced myself I did which was so strange. That was what I felt and I still feel it now but your wife is most probably the same. I think at this time in your lives you have to be extra supportive towards her and show her your emotions even if you don't feel like it. Even if she feels that you are lying due to her paranoia you still have to reassure her. Try reading up on this illness and even though it may be boring you may just get a little insight of understanding PND. It is quite a complex illness because physical symptoms are known to be connected with PND but they are minor e.g headaches, tummy upsets which you may think are just normal but infact they could be part of this illness. She will also have many emotional aspects to this illness too like one minute she can be so happy then the next she can be sobbing, feeling down and snapping at you. The best advice I can probably give you is be there for her. Even if she pushes you away and you think she is irrational just do it for her. It won't be easy but what she is going through is extremely difficult and hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it or worked with the illness. Good luck, chin up to both of you. I wish you a speedy recovery, Jef  Lisa |
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Post by vinimorg on Jul 9, 2006 15:59:54 GMT
Dear Jef
As a husband with a wife suffering from PND there is no way for anyone to help your boyfriend except himself.
Sometime people's help, to men, seem to be as if things are being shoved at them, don't know why, just the way men work i suppose.
I took it on myself to have a meeting with my wifes health visitor, for me this was very hard, i was almost as if i was in trouble for letting this happen to my wife, but having things explained to me helped and also i had a chance to find out that as most cases my wife wasn't being open and honest with every body that was trying to help. Sorry, that sounds wrong, I mean in most cases men and women don't see the same problems in the same way and in different priorities. I came away feeling i had contributed, in some small way, to my wifes recovery.
It was only after my meeting that things started moving in a good direction, doctors, health visitors and everyone else started to see what was really happening. My wife had been given three test for PND and had managed to pass all three but continued slowly get worse.
The biggest thing is that most men in this world see a problem and want to fix it and if it cant be fixed we feel helpless.
Talking to your partner will help but not about feelings (we don't seem to understand about feelings). You need to talk about what is happening, what is being done, time scales for things to happen and most of all what is required of him to help "fix" this "problem".
If you have an appointment and the baby needs to be looked after while your there, ask him to organize it. He doesn't have to do it himself if he needs to work but he can organize a sitter for you, even if you drop baba off. This will make him feel he is contributing. Don't know, worked for me.
Im probibly rambling, but i hope you get the advise you need and all is well with you soon.
Vini
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Lisa