I don't know what to do with my partner

[Matt]

Hi all,

My partner gave birth to a baby girl on the 12th of Feb at 21.23.

The next evening baby was taken to the special care unit to be treated for jaundice and was kept there for 8 days.

Mum had a 36 hour labout and eventually had an emergency c-section.

Since we've had her home she has completely rejected the baby and will do anything she can to avoid having any contact with her.

She cries all day and as soon as I get in from work am left with the baby.

I'm really struggling to cope as I'm gettting no sleep and working all day.

Does anyone have any suggestions.

Any help would be appreciated

Thanks everyone

Matt

[sare]

Hi Matt,

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your partner are having a hard time.

Does she accept that there is something wrong as she will need to before she can really get help. There is help out there if she wants it, anti depressants etc but she has to want to take them

You could try talking to your health visitor, or even GP and see if they have any suggestions.

It sounds like you are doing all you can by being loving and supportive. I hope she can get the help she needs very soon

Sare

[newwie]

HI
I just wanted to say i was exactly the same when came out of hospital infact i was like that in hospital tried anything to get out of caring for my daughter.
I would do anything like your partner to make an excuse for not holding her, feeding her etc.
Im afraid this was only the start of things to come. I dont want to frighten you but i would speak t the h.v or midwife if still visiting you and maybe even get her to talk about it. Mind you i refused to discuss it and pretended that everything was fine when it was so not ok.
My daughter is now three and a half an i still struggle with the effection and bonding as it wasnt picked up early enough for me and it does show.
I would say try to talk about it to her but she will pro make an excuse up or tell you you are being silly, but please try to get her help.
Not an easy thing....

Newwie

[Jay]

Hi Matt

Your partner does need some help with this, and the gp probably is the one to end up seeing, the midwife or health visitor are the ones who will help give the push to get help.

She cannot help what has happened to her, and with help things will get better. Try to get this help soon, as antidepressants [if this is what she needs] can take a couple of weeks or so before they kick in and start to work.

And you know what Matt?
You have looked and read up on PNI, and you are doing the all the right things to help
SO YOU ARE WONDERFUL.
And a lot of ladies will agree with this.

Your love and support is the most important thing you can give. And you sound like you are doing your best.
Have you any family who could help sometimes so you can sleep?

Take care of yourself,

[snoopy]

Hi Matt

It sounds like you're already doing the right thing by being supportive. I find that unquestioning love and understanding from my husband has been the most useful thing and being reminded of all the reasons he loves me (you need to hear this when you don't love yourself). Also the thing that made me finally realise that I had PNI was reading other peoples' experiences that are the same as mine - it might help her if you could get her to read some of this website.

Hope things improve soon

[helenr]

Hi Matt,

welcome to the site.

I think a lot of us get so wrapped up in ourselves and the illness, that we forget it affects everyone around us, but you are doing fantastically well!!!

With regards to your wifes symptoms, shes had a very tiring and stressful time, but it does sound like more than just the baby blues.

The only way to get a proper diagnosis and help is to speak to gp and hv. Has hv done post natal score with your wife? How does your wife behave when hv visits? Does she have regular contact with people throughout the day when your at work?

A lot of questions, i know!

Will you be able to get your wife to speak to gp/hv? If not you can, which i know may be difficult, but she needs help.

Keep talking here, we'll support you as much as we can! What about showing the site to your wife?

love and hugs x.

[sunshine]

Guess it is hard for the women to realise how hard it is for the father. I think men get annoyed because they want to fix it but they can't. I know my husband does and it stresses him out. You are doing a great job. Get mum some help and support from health carers. It will take some pressure off you.

[Veritee]

Dear Matt


Thank you for introducing yourself and coming on the forum.

By coming on here I know that you are doing the best you can for your wife. However if she is unable to care for your child and crying all the time, I would say that she needs either you home all the time for a while, or a relative with her and some urgent help as well.

I know it is not always possible for partners to stay home, but if you have any leave owning or the possibility of paternity leave or compassionate leave, it might be best to take this until some support for your wife - and your baby is arranged

As this is so soon after the birth - This could be a Post Natal emergency - even if it is not it would be best to make sure and get some advice.

Have you contacted any one apart from us?

I would recommend that you do as a priority. You could ask for advice from your GP or Health Visitor as a first option - but please insist on something to help right now.

If you can get her to come on here or print out for her to read anything you may feel is relevant to her this may help too

Please let us know how things are now?

Veritee