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Post by silverhalo on Mar 18, 2007 17:58:21 GMT
On friday it was my birthday and on saturday it was my little boys birthday, he was three i wrote this little poem for his card.
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DONT THINK BECAUSE IM IN HEAVEN THAT I CANT SEE
MY BEAUTIFUL BOY JUST TURNING THREE
I KNOW ITS HARD TO UNDERSTAND
WHY IM NOT HERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND
BUT SOMETIMES MUMMIES GO AWAY
BUT IM WATCHING OVER YOU EACH DAY
SO FOR ALL YOUR BIRTHDAYS YET TO COME
I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
LOVE FROM MUM xxx
.............
Today is mothers day so i wrote out a card and asked my own mum who died in 1988 to look after vivienne in my abscence and stephanie added her own little bit to it.
We then let some balloons go with little messages on them in the wind from the kids and myself.
Happy mothers day vivienne wherever you are
Paul ,stephanie and wee paul aidan xxx
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Post by monica on Mar 18, 2007 18:17:57 GMT
Hello
how beautiful! I can only imagine how hard today has been for you and your family. Your children are blessed to have such a wonderful dad.
how are you doing? How are your children coping?
Thinking of you
Monica
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Post by silverhalo on Mar 18, 2007 19:31:09 GMT
Sadly im not coping one bit but merely existing for the kids as it stands, my stomach still feels empty and all i want to di is sleep, My daughter has been great and is trying to be strong but i can see the hurt and how hard it has been for her especialy this weekend with what was planned as a special weekend for us all when mum was still here.
My wee boy doesnt realy understand whats going on.
This is just plain torture is the only way i can explain it and i realy dont know what my next move is.
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Post by cheshire on Mar 18, 2007 19:41:34 GMT
Stay strong, I think what you did is beautiful. x
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Post by Veritee on Mar 18, 2007 20:08:51 GMT
Absolutely beautiful that you wrote this for your children.
I am sure that you will mark mothers day and birthdays as a family every year from now and it will be a family day.
But I am so sorry you are suffering so much today and I understand why you are. Mothers day is not a good day for many anyway, especially when we are involved or have with PNI. but for you it is especially very sad - my heart goes out to you
Times like mothers day and perhaps your wifes birthday , your anniversary, may always be hard for you - and perhaps your children - from now on. But theses days can also be a time to remember Vivienne and the good times you had together as a family - I do hope so, I know it is very sad also, but it is also a celebration of Vivienne's life too.
You sound like you are doing a great job and you got through today and helped your children remember your wife and their mother.'
I hope your children are now in bed and you are putting your feet up and relaxing a bit - and having some well deserved time for you?
You next move has to be to keep pouting one step in front of the other so you can continue to live for your children. I know this seems easy for me to say - but it is not - but can you imagine what it would be like if they lost their father too?
I felt I had to say this - you are doing a great job and it is hard - but you are getting through as best that you can.
Are you working at the moment? forgive me if you have said but I have a bad memory - I just wondered if you are carrying on with the work you had before - or not?
Give your children my love and love from everyone on here
Veritee
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Post by silverhalo on Mar 18, 2007 21:54:56 GMT
i just put on CITY OF ANGELS
And watched it with my daughter, it was her mums fav film and she hadnt seen it before but god did it hurt watching it.
But i had to do it since it was mothers day.
As for work i havent been able to return as yet due to not being able to get my youngest into nrsery full time maybe next week but im not sure,
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Post by Veritee on Mar 19, 2007 13:50:08 GMT
I hope that your day was at least something to share with your children.
Please do not rush back into work. I was only asking as I did not know but I see no reason why you should return for some time as yet.
Even if you get your youngest into nursery soon you may need the time to yourself while your children are out of the house for a while, rather than rushing back into work.
this is up to you of course as for some work helps - but please do not feel you have to go back if it will not be helpful for you.
You have to look after your own needs too
take care
veritee
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 19, 2007 22:54:29 GMT
Hi Silverhalo,
Your poem was extremely moving n it was a beautiful thing for you to do.
Nice to hear of you n your children, you are all coping very well or at least as best you can at the moment, it is still very very early days for you all!! Don't expect too much too soon go at your own pace n be kind to yourself.Your pain is still raw.
Thinking of you all
Claire x
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Post by silverhalo on Mar 21, 2007 10:25:28 GMT
im now in the process of thinking of my physical side of my life with my wife and how much i miss her touch and the feel of her back in bed at night, how i miss her each day and how the hurt is so intense
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Post by clairecharlie on Mar 26, 2007 23:56:25 GMT
Hi Silverhalo
Just wondering how you n your children are getting on???
You haven't posted for a few day's hope your ok?
Claire x
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joannem
Senior Member
joannem mum of one little boy born Jan 2006
Posts: 314
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Post by joannem on Mar 29, 2007 21:16:06 GMT
Dear Silverhalo
i have just come across your story of your wife and the lovely poem you did and it has broke my heart, my love, prayers and thoughts go out to you and your children.
I hope that somewhere you can find the strength to face days ahead, I cant imagine what it is like for you. I had a dear friend kill himself a few years ago and for a while I felt such mixed emotions - why didnt he come to me for help, angry that i couldnt stop it etc. I hope you are getting all the help and support you need. Please keep posting if it helps you.
Please never ever blame yourself. PND is vile and sometimes you just want to escape it, I know I did. I know that does not make your wife's passing any easier. I just know how desperate I felt and never thought anyone could help, all you think is of the way out.
Words seem useless but my heart goes out to you.
Thinking of you
joannem
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Post by newwie on Jun 16, 2007 22:07:50 GMT
Hi
Hope you are ok and coping well and adjusting to life as things must go on they say.
Could do with hearing from you and just wondering really that you are all ok
newwie
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Post by clairecharlie on Jun 18, 2007 12:08:01 GMT
Here here!!!!!
It would be really nice to hear how you n the children are.
Claire x x x
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