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Post by chrism on Mar 1, 2008 20:25:08 GMT
Not sure quite where to start so I may as well start at the beginning.
During my wifes pregnancy she hit a really low period, waking up in the morning crying and not wanting to get out of bed. She realised this wasn't "normal" so we went to the Doctors. Unfortunately she wasn't able to keep an appointment with a psychiatrist and her low moods didn't return.
After a fairly traumatic birth we got our son home and the first night we couldn't get him to stop crying. This shattered my wifes confidence and she backed away from our son. Then again a week later we had another episode where she believed that if we got rid of our son things would be back to normal. The midwife couldn't speak to her and my wifes thinking wasn't rational. The health professional got involved and referred her to a perinatal unit who did one home visit and then a telephone call and discharged her.
Thinks ticked along ok with a few low periods until last week. I came home from work to find her curled up on the sofa unable to speak with me r make any conversation at all. Our son was on his changing mat screaming his head off. I called the health professionals back out at which point my wife packed a suitcase and left saying we'd be better off without her.
On the advice of the health professionals I called the police to file a missing persons report. She came back 3 hours later saying there was nothing wrong with her and she now wants a divorce (she says I would be welcome to custody of the child) as I couldn't be trusted as I had been told not to call the health professionals out again! The psychiatrist has been and suggested a few days in the mother and baby unit at our local hospital, this was refused. Then anti-depressants were offered, again refused because there is nothing wrong with her and she just doesn't want to be a mum.
Help is being offered but it's being refused. We can't go on the way we are. Has anyone had any similar experiences?
She says she doesn't need anti-depressants, there's nothing wrong with her. She says she has no feeling towards her son yet 7 days ago they were inseperable.
I am really at a loss as to what to do. We can't go like this.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 1, 2008 20:30:19 GMT
Hi Chrism
Welcome to the site x
It certainly seems that your wife really is going through such a horrible time, and of course you too!
I am not sure how these things work exactly but I wonder if there is anyway she can be put in the mother and baby unit on your say so, without her consent. I know that doesnt exactly seem a nice thing for you to do, but she clearly needs help and if she is refusing it I wonder if she can be made to accept it somehow. Perhaps ask the health proffessionals??
PNI is a terrible illness that affects so many families so differently, but we do recover from it, with the right treatment.
I am sorry if I have not been much help but really just wanted to offer my support and to let you know that we are here for both you and your wife xx
Take Care
WG x
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Post by chrism on Mar 1, 2008 20:57:21 GMT
winegirl, thanks for the support, it's good that someone is listening. The psychiatrist is out on Monday so will ask her about the options.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 1, 2008 21:03:11 GMT
Best of luck for Monday Chris, and please let us know how it goes?
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Mar 1, 2008 22:39:21 GMT
Hi Chris,
Welcome to the forum.
It does sound to me like your wife has PNI, from what you have said, but she will need to see doctor/psychiatrist to know for sure. She sounds just like I was at the beginning of my illness, one minute I felt like I needed help, the next minute I felt fine, but I was actually in denial about what was happening to me.
If this is the case, and your wife does have PNI, then she's most probably incredibly afraid of what's happening to her, like I was, because she doesn't know her own mind at the moment and it changes from one minute to the next, no doubt this is making her incredibly anxious and fearful. When I was at my worst I couldn't think straight, became afraid of everything, thought no-one could help me, and felt that I could not be a mum to my son. I felt worthless, and I also worried that if I told someone exactly how I felt that they would lock me up and throw away the key. I thought my baby would be taken away from me and that my husband would no longer want me. I had no feelings towards my son either, and was numb most of the time and I yearned for the life back that I had before. My emotions were so mixed up, one minute I was asking my husband for a divorce and I wanted to run away, and the next I wanted him to be there and help me. I was so confused.
But.... I want you to know that I am well again now and I love my little boy so much, he is the apple of my eye, and everything I went through was worth it, and I would go through it again in an instant, but I can only say that now. This will be your wife as well, she will recover too, but it's not an overnight recovery. It takes a long time, for me about 18 months where I can say that I am back to my normal self, the way I was before I had my son. So you will have to be patient and be prepared for a bumpy ride, where you wife will have lots of emotional ups and downs whilst she's recovering. She needs lots of support from both doctors and her family to help with her recovery, and from you, practical help and emotional support and reassurance.
Please let us know how she gets on with the psychiatrist on Monday. We are here when you need us, and if your wife needs support and reassurance we will be here for her too.
Scarlet
xxxx
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Post by stevensmummy on Mar 2, 2008 14:36:00 GMT
Hi Chris,
I suspect today is avery difficult day for you and I send you my support on that alone.
From what you say it sounds to me that its very likey your wife has pni. What you describe is very similar to what many if us have felt and are feeling now. As WG says is there no way you can out your wife in a place of help. I know here, Scotland, its possible to sign ppl in to mental institutes where they have to stay until they are free to go on medical grounds or a member of family release them.
Like Scarlet says its a very bumpy ride. It takes a long time and its very very hard for all concerned. At times you will feel like you have achieved nothin and you will all fall terribly low again but it does get better. These reoccuring lows, we call blips, are a sign of recovery so be prepared for them and try to remain positive about it.
I hope we can provide you with reassurance and help when you need it. It does get better, I promise you that. First step is the psychiatrist, they will advise you where to go next and will support you.
Good luck, Let us know how you get on
Sarah xx
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Post by chrism on Mar 2, 2008 21:31:17 GMT
Well today was a strange day, normality almost returned. We went out for lunch as if nothing had happened over the past few days. The mood was a lot lighter and she was the great mum that she is.
Anyway tomorrow the psychiatrist is coming so we'll see what happens....
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Post by winegirl on Mar 2, 2008 22:09:57 GMT
Best of luck for tomorrow Chris! Please let us know how it goes x
WG x
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Post by stevensmummy on Mar 3, 2008 8:40:32 GMT
I'm glad you had a nice day yest. Its good to get a breakevery now and then. Good luck today, let us know how you get on.
Sarah x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 3, 2008 18:16:21 GMT
Hi Chris
I hope you managed to get some things sorted today. If you get chance do let us know how it went.
Take Care
WG xx
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Post by chrism on Mar 3, 2008 21:51:17 GMT
The psychiatrist came along and tried to persuade her that her behaviour wasn't normal. However it didn't do the trick and she now insists that she doesn't want un-necessary chemicals in her blood stream.....so all the health team is going to do is visit and keep an eye on here.
Rest of the day was all smiles as if nothing was wrong. When I mentioned my thoughts it was back to the divorce!
We live in hope.
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Post by winegirl on Mar 3, 2008 21:57:08 GMT
HI Chris
I am sorry this seems to have falen on deaf ears. To be fair, when i was first ill i refused all meds as i was adamant i didnt need them. But I think I reached a desperation point when i knew it was the only way things were going to get better. Your wife will possibly getto this point too.
In the meantime keep talking to the psychiatrist and try to find out what you can do to help things at the moment.
Please keep talking to us if it helps x
Take Care
WG x
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Post by winegirl on Mar 10, 2008 18:20:14 GMT
Hi Chris
Was wondering how things were going for you guys at the moment? If you get chance do come back and talk to us, we are thinking of you x
WG x
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