Post by tony on Mar 9, 2008 12:47:43 GMT
Hi all,
First let me explain why i titled this thread the way i did.
"no one to blame" - Post natal depression from what i understand of it can hit ANY new or old parent at any time no ones to blame for it and you could of been the happiest person in the world before hand but now all that is there is black clouds.
"No where to hide" - I brought my other three children up on my own my youngest son was 6 weeks old and breast feeding my second was just over 1yr and my first was 2 n half when my ex-wife decided that kids arnt worth it and decided to dissapear in the middle of the night ( after emptying the banks and leaving us with £174 to keep us going) with a guy she had never seen face to face off the internet. This resulted in me selling my business and dedicating the next three years of my life to my kids. My ex wife decided she wanted no contact and seen the children twice in that three year period and one day i got a knock saying i had to goto court for a residency hearing and after three years of bringing my children up they was given back to there mother by what i can only describe a sexist judge in his words I believe all children should be in there mothers. I havent seen my children since and the courts even after admitting there fault have been unable to track her or them. So hence no where to hide as in you cant just crawl under a stone and pretend nothing is wrong or happening to you or around you.
Now your probably wondering why i told you all that! the reason i told you all that is because while my current partner was pregnant i spent the whole pregnancy wondering if she was going to dissapear when the baby was born. This really destroyed me inside as i had never had any reason to distrust her in all the years i have known her, So why was i doing it now. I decided the reasons was because my other three children had been torn away from me for no reason whatsoever and i just silently kept it all to myself (When i should have spoke to someone) as this caused us some relationship stress and sometimes i wonder if its me that has made my partner like this now. Through keep asking her if she was going to stay with me and never take our baby away without good reason ( Has my own insecurity caused her to have depression?)
This is the first time i have ever posted on somewhere like this. I'm not a person that openly talks but this is something i need to do for my partners sake as well as mine.
Just short of 6 months ago we had a beautiful baby Girl. She had threatened to make an appearance from 30 weeks on wards every 2 weeks and always on a Sunday at 38 wks she decided enough was enough and popped her tiny head into the world at 00:29. the next 48 hours was critical for her as my partner is group B Streptococcus (GBS) carrier and all we could do was sit there hoping that Baby wouldn't have it.
This put me on edge but i had took the decision (Right or Wrong) not to explain every detail of it to my partner as she had been worried enough through the pregnancy due to her having endimetriosis and polysistic ovaries (Yes you guessed she was told all her life sorry you will never get pregnant) So this baby was not only a miracle but something she thought was never going to happen to her and i couldn't brought myself to have told her the worse outcomes of GBS even if i wanted to.
So we come home baby is fine and everything is like a fairytale up to my partners birthday two months later we went out had a meal had a dance arrived home at 2am in the morning (going out is something we rarely do by that i mean clubbing and pubs) we often have meals out. Next day when she got up she was in a foul mood i thought fair enough 11 months without a single drink i think i would have a hang over to so i didn't think anything of it. The following weekend her dad asked me to go out with him so i agreed and told my partner your dads asked me to go out and as i haven't seen properly the last few months I'm going to go. That was the worse thing i ever done she seemed fine and her dad came to pick me up in a taxi and as i got in it she came running down our drive and gave me a full blown smack in the mouth. Without a word and for fear of getting another slap (it hurt lol ) i just got in the taxi and decided to ignore her phone calls until about 10pm when i knew i had to go home soon i answered my phone she said sorry and to make light of the situation i said to her sorry for what it doesn't matter see you in a bit with that hung the phone up and returned home to everything being fine.
From that day to now the following has happened.
Important things:
1 her dad died on the 15th Feb (this is our latest main issue)
2 her dads girlfriend totally removed her from the funeral and arrangements. (totally destroyed her)
3 She has no patience with the baby
Main issues:
1, She is always snapping
2, She has to be told to get in the bath or shower
3, She is constantly telling me to leave
4, she has no interest in the home being clean ( Before i get slated i do my fair share to)
5, She never wants to go anywhere or get dressed even.
there are plenty more changes in her behavior but i would be here all day if i mentioned everything. I'm at my wits end now as she wont talk to a doctor only the health visitor who gave her a test just before her dad died which she scored 12 on so was borderline. I'm going to be stressing her out if i ring the midwife myself to ask her to come back sooner than she said she would as my partner asked me not to.
What do i do?
Do i disregard her and do it anyway
Do i just wait for the health visitor to come back in another weeks time and tell her then.
Or do i just let my partner do what she feels is right.
I'm really at a loss as to what to do and there has been times when i just wanted to walk away or go for a drink (but i never would)
Would be good to hear from others that have been through this, so i can get some sort of idea as to where to go from here.
Thanks for reading this
Tony
First let me explain why i titled this thread the way i did.
"no one to blame" - Post natal depression from what i understand of it can hit ANY new or old parent at any time no ones to blame for it and you could of been the happiest person in the world before hand but now all that is there is black clouds.
"No where to hide" - I brought my other three children up on my own my youngest son was 6 weeks old and breast feeding my second was just over 1yr and my first was 2 n half when my ex-wife decided that kids arnt worth it and decided to dissapear in the middle of the night ( after emptying the banks and leaving us with £174 to keep us going) with a guy she had never seen face to face off the internet. This resulted in me selling my business and dedicating the next three years of my life to my kids. My ex wife decided she wanted no contact and seen the children twice in that three year period and one day i got a knock saying i had to goto court for a residency hearing and after three years of bringing my children up they was given back to there mother by what i can only describe a sexist judge in his words I believe all children should be in there mothers. I havent seen my children since and the courts even after admitting there fault have been unable to track her or them. So hence no where to hide as in you cant just crawl under a stone and pretend nothing is wrong or happening to you or around you.
Now your probably wondering why i told you all that! the reason i told you all that is because while my current partner was pregnant i spent the whole pregnancy wondering if she was going to dissapear when the baby was born. This really destroyed me inside as i had never had any reason to distrust her in all the years i have known her, So why was i doing it now. I decided the reasons was because my other three children had been torn away from me for no reason whatsoever and i just silently kept it all to myself (When i should have spoke to someone) as this caused us some relationship stress and sometimes i wonder if its me that has made my partner like this now. Through keep asking her if she was going to stay with me and never take our baby away without good reason ( Has my own insecurity caused her to have depression?)
This is the first time i have ever posted on somewhere like this. I'm not a person that openly talks but this is something i need to do for my partners sake as well as mine.
Just short of 6 months ago we had a beautiful baby Girl. She had threatened to make an appearance from 30 weeks on wards every 2 weeks and always on a Sunday at 38 wks she decided enough was enough and popped her tiny head into the world at 00:29. the next 48 hours was critical for her as my partner is group B Streptococcus (GBS) carrier and all we could do was sit there hoping that Baby wouldn't have it.
This put me on edge but i had took the decision (Right or Wrong) not to explain every detail of it to my partner as she had been worried enough through the pregnancy due to her having endimetriosis and polysistic ovaries (Yes you guessed she was told all her life sorry you will never get pregnant) So this baby was not only a miracle but something she thought was never going to happen to her and i couldn't brought myself to have told her the worse outcomes of GBS even if i wanted to.
So we come home baby is fine and everything is like a fairytale up to my partners birthday two months later we went out had a meal had a dance arrived home at 2am in the morning (going out is something we rarely do by that i mean clubbing and pubs) we often have meals out. Next day when she got up she was in a foul mood i thought fair enough 11 months without a single drink i think i would have a hang over to so i didn't think anything of it. The following weekend her dad asked me to go out with him so i agreed and told my partner your dads asked me to go out and as i haven't seen properly the last few months I'm going to go. That was the worse thing i ever done she seemed fine and her dad came to pick me up in a taxi and as i got in it she came running down our drive and gave me a full blown smack in the mouth. Without a word and for fear of getting another slap (it hurt lol ) i just got in the taxi and decided to ignore her phone calls until about 10pm when i knew i had to go home soon i answered my phone she said sorry and to make light of the situation i said to her sorry for what it doesn't matter see you in a bit with that hung the phone up and returned home to everything being fine.
From that day to now the following has happened.
Important things:
1 her dad died on the 15th Feb (this is our latest main issue)
2 her dads girlfriend totally removed her from the funeral and arrangements. (totally destroyed her)
3 She has no patience with the baby
Main issues:
1, She is always snapping
2, She has to be told to get in the bath or shower
3, She is constantly telling me to leave
4, she has no interest in the home being clean ( Before i get slated i do my fair share to)
5, She never wants to go anywhere or get dressed even.
there are plenty more changes in her behavior but i would be here all day if i mentioned everything. I'm at my wits end now as she wont talk to a doctor only the health visitor who gave her a test just before her dad died which she scored 12 on so was borderline. I'm going to be stressing her out if i ring the midwife myself to ask her to come back sooner than she said she would as my partner asked me not to.
What do i do?
Do i disregard her and do it anyway
Do i just wait for the health visitor to come back in another weeks time and tell her then.
Or do i just let my partner do what she feels is right.
I'm really at a loss as to what to do and there has been times when i just wanted to walk away or go for a drink (but i never would)
Would be good to hear from others that have been through this, so i can get some sort of idea as to where to go from here.
Thanks for reading this
Tony