it's true you do start to feel better!!!

[noodles]

hi all, well i never thought that i would say this but i do believe that i am starting to feel better, im enjoying being around my baby, i want to hug her so tight at the moment and protect her forever.... im a bit calmer although i still have some of the symptoms i am finding them easier to control or it's easier to know that they will go!!!!

for any one that has read my diary i have had a bit of a rough time lately!! but i suppose in a way it has helped (every thing happens for a reason) my father dying has taught me to seize the day and to live a full live like him!! my fall out with my sister has been a great tool for a mirror for me to realise that i want to be nothing like her;)... it's all made me realise that MY depression, because im sure it's not the same for every one, had been caused not only by lack of sleep and worrying about cash etc, but from pretending to be some one im not!! ive always been a free spirt and since lyla has come along i have fallen in to 2.3 children, surberban life style, which for most is idyllic but for me it's not good!!! i feel like i am being a bit selfish but with help and support from this site and with the help of anti d's i can now see the wood from the tree's.

i may sound totally off my head to any one that doesn't know me but for the people that do they can see that i am getting back to my old self!!! any way what i am getting at is that i have learned that you can still chase your dreams even with a baby!!! carl and i are going over to bulgaria in july to look at houses to start a retreat, a place where even if you have kids you can chill out and take a step back from the world!!! (the place we all need at some point in our lives) and if i don't like it or can't find any where i will think again, but without looking nothing is lost!!! but now i have hope and faith that every thing will work out just right, and that all has happened for a reason!!! i am sure that at the moment alot of you can't see this, but it will come and getting your life back is like having that first bar of chocolate after a strict diet, or going for a wee when you have been holding it in for ages!!!! ahhh what a relief!!!! x

[monica]

Hi Noodles

Good for you girl!!! I'm so pleased things are getting better. I so understand what you mean. After I had my first, I jsut wnet with the flow. AFter my second, I was totally obsessed with enjlying teh whoel motherhood/being housewife experience, whereas the reality was different. I foudn it frustrating I couldn't keep tjer perfect house and at times would be up from 5 am till 10 pm trying to keep things perfect. I love my kids but find the full time mum thing a bit boring - not knocking anyone who loves it - it's just not for me. I need time to myself. There were other reasons for my PNI too, but accepting I am who I am, really helped.

You ahve had such a rough ride recently, but you've come through it, so huge pat on the back.

monica

[noodles]

thanks monica, i think its just a matter of being true 2 your self!!! different horses 4 different courses and all that!!!! still along way to go until im back to being 100% but im getting there!!! i just wish that people close to me where as open minded as people on this site!!! my mum thinks im mad and selfish for not being "normal" but oh well i gotta point out that even though i love her to pieces it's her problem and not mine!!! im gonna do what i wanna do.... It's my life, and i will live it the way i want to!!! x

[cheshire]

Hi Noodles

So glad you posted this - you're doing great xx

I honestly thought I would get no better and was more than happy to be proven wrong.

Hope your weekend goes ok

Love Hopefulxx

[angel]

hey Noodles

Thats great its so nice to hear that people are feeling better and its also nice for others to know that things do get better.

Take Care

Angel