Tips for Getting Through PNI

[Veritee]

Do you have any tips for getting through PNI? What helps you to get through the day? What are your coping strategies?

I will start this by saying what my most successful strategy was for PNI and in fact I also used it after my accident which left me disabled.

To treat every day as a fresh start.

If you dwell on what happened yesterday, if you carry the negatives of yesterday into today, your day starts with the baggage of yesterday.

While I do not mean you do not learn by what has happened in the past, just treat each day as a new beginning, a new chance, and if today is not good for you - start again tomorow.
Veritee

[susie]

Hi Veritee,
I agree about the fresh start, also I have found that writing a list of what I want to achieve in the day is helpful ( a tip I received from Carol! ) I find that if I have a list ( a sensible one) then I feel like I have achieved something by the end of even a bad day also I find that I do not get so stressed out about what I have NOT done that day, this works for me because if I am not stressed out I am less likely to shout at my daughter therefore avoiding the spiral of regret, guilt and feeling like a bad mother, which reduces my low days. On the list I have quality time for both children and MYSELF, ( if it's on the list I don't feel so guilty about it!) so that especially at the end of a bad day there has usually been a some nice time between us to reflect on.
hope this helps and makes sense!
take care
Susie

[Veritee]

I agree with what you said about if you re not so stressed you avoid spiral of regret, guilt and feeling like a bad mother,
I also make lists and try to do at leat two things on the list

Veritee

[Wendy]

Hi everyone

One of my tips for getting through P.N.I. is to regard yourself and have others regard you as being ill, kind of like as if you had a broken leg for example.

This may help yourself and others to then regard your situation as being for a fixed time frame. i.e. it has a start and it has an end. Also you may find that people assist you and support you more. So you could say like I did to my husband. "I am sick, please treat me as if I am so. I can't be myself right now and may be somewhat unpredictable so please make allowance for me. I hope that it will end soon but until it does, this may help us to cope ok?"

Hope this helps.

Kind regards
Wendy

[Lainey]

One thing that really helped me with my sleeping was to take a crossword to bed!!! Strange though it may seem I found that by concentrating on the crossword my mind was taken away from the constant worrying I used to do when I went to bed. Instead of laying there thinking how awful my day had been and how bad it would be the next day, I actually found I had to think about the clues and this helped to take my mind of pnd. It also makes you very sleepy.

I also invested in a relaxation tape, which I listened to in bed. It was nothing heavy, just a lovely calming voice telling me to imagine I was lying on a beach, walking in a garden etc etc. I often found I just fell off to sleep straight away.

With love

Elaine
xxx

[gerik]

i think a tip for getting through this horrible debilitating illness (which i agree is an illness, & my mum used to say to me regularly when i was ill, that if you've broke your leg, people have to physically look after you - whereas with pnd, its not physical, so people can't understand) is :-

- to take one day at a time, i used to have a lot of bad day, but as i got better and had a bad day, i'd TRY to think well today is bad and tomorrow will be o.k.

- to try to get out and about, i joined a couple of groups & although didn't make friends through any of these, interacting with my ds and having to make the effort cheered me up

- if ever i didn't start the day with a shower, i'd just lounge around all day & feel sorry for myself, whereas washing and dressing properly gave me get up and go

- get as much help as you possibly can, from any source

- have time for yourself on your own away from your ds/dd - if mum's happy a child picks up on this

- the hardest of all (cause i still evny these "coping" mothers) - is that this illness if not your fault and you are very very normal and a wunderful mum

geri x

[delia]

I am a new sufferer and i have found the following things help me.

If you have nasty thoughts I tell myself it is the illness not me. I catch them quick and push them away. They are very frightening but it is very important to keep your anxiety levels down.

I look towards the future and treat myself if I have achieved something.

I find aromatherapy helps me to relax and I burn candles in the evening before i go to bed. This helps me to relax together with the odd glass of wine.

Exercise does help.

Talking to whom ever you can trust or think they will understand.

Above all I now tell myself I am a good mom because who else would go through this hell and stay with their child.

I tell myself I am not alone and one day this thing will be gone.
I am still learning . Thanks for your tips. i am using them as well.

[WileyKit]

I just thought i would share my thoughts about getting better and tell you what has helped me:

1) my partner. I could not have got through this without his neverending support and understanding

2) this forum...so helpful to know that i am not the only one feeling like this! Also Veritee and Deborah, thanks for your emails when i did not know where to turn. You both really helped me.

3) my GP...he gives me the drugs...yeah! (and i also have a little crush on him...well, it passes the time...)

4) my HV. She came into her own when i asked for her support.

5) my APNI counsellor. It seems like she's more of a friend really, we often just chat about our days. But she has been with me for the very worst times when i did not dare reach out to anyone else

6) a few friends who i thought were good...but turned out to be great...

Also...taking things s-l-o-w-ly. I know it is hard but give yourself time to recover. Take life at your own pace.

That is probably the most important thing, try not to put yourself through anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is hard, for many practical reasons sometimes. I have felt so guilty about just letting my partner run the house and do a full-time job too, but it is what i needed to help me recover. And like he said, the more he helps me now, the sooner i will get better and get back to helping him.

I am still taking it all slowly, i wouldn't say i am better yet, but i feel like i've found out how i can get a bit better each day, it is no longer a mystery to me. I have faith that this will pass.

Jan xx

[Catherine]

Having felt horrid for the last three years, suffering from PND and giving everybody, especially my six year old daughter a hard time I must tell you that suddenly a miracle has happened. I was referred to a gynacologist, who gave me a zoladex injection and hey presto I'm me! I feel refreshed after a night's sleep, I don't have continuous headaches and I like myself! I can control my stress levels and am generally nice to be around. Get help if you need it.

[Liz]

Hi everyone,

My Mum gave me this tip - she's suffered from chronic depression all her life, whereas I have only had it post-natally (after all 3 of my children). It's really helped me.

Each day set yourself 3 tasks to complete that day. On really bad days they may be things like just getting up, getting washed, making sure you eat something etc...

On better days make the tasks a bit harder - for example, going to the shops, making a phone call you've been putting off.

When you set your tasks in the morning, also set yourself a reward, which you can have only when you've completed them like a couple of glasses of wine, a magazine, etc. I don't know about you lot, but I feel really guilty spending any money on myself, but this way I feel I've earned it, and more importantly, at the end of every day I feel a little less useless

Hope this helps, Liz x

[Lisa Nurse]

Hi there

One of my tips is to try and rationalise what you are thinking by realising that what you are thinking is what most people think at times from time to time with children. When you have these horrible thoughts, the main thing with PNI is you panic. Some mums have these thoughts and do not appear to have suffered with PNI and just let them pass and do not panic. When you are tired and weary from children your mind does go a bit wobbly and will continue to do so. The problem is when you are really tired and hormonal this makes the panic set in. Please be assured that a lot of people have these evil thoughts and sometimes rude ones who (a) do not have children (b) mums and dads that do have children that have never suffered what we sufferers do. In regard to the panic and not coping its just because we are more sensitive people. My husband used to constantly have evil and horrible thoughts even though he was happy and normal as can be when we had our child. This really did perk me up enormously as I thought, the only reason I am ill with this is because the thoughts are making me panic, if I could try and stop myself getting so worked up about the thoughts then they will just sail through me and I will start to recover. It is the fear of losing control because of our hormones and other things that make us so vulnerable but if I had realised at the time that people have these thoughts generally it would not have bothered me so much at the outset I do not think (easy to say now but I am sure that I would not have been quite so ill). My sister in law the other week said she quite often thinks suicidal thoughts even when she is driving along but she is not depressed and it is just a quick thought that comes and goes and she does not even know why they come along. When you have just given birth to a child, you are so responsible for that child and also with the hormones and stuff I would say quite a lot of mum's suffer this but just do not get as ill as us because we are so sensitive. Anyway sorry about the long tip but if like I say I had known about my husband jointly thinking the awful thoughts at the same time as me at the outset I do not think I would have been so bad! Good Luck everybody and all the very best of constant lovely thoughts, the weather is lovely isn't it? Lisa Nurse

[susanneb1984]

My main tip would be to get a small notebook, and write down at LEAST one good thing that happened that day.....a picture your child drew, a phone call or letter you got, a comment your partner made, somewhere you went.
Then, when things get you down, take it out and read it.........

I have found that when I was deep in the depths of PNI, I could just about manage to write one or two things every day, but now I'm getting out of that 'darkness' I can write at least 20 things everyday, and I've started putting pics and stuff in a box as well.

[yoyo]

What a lovely idea Susanneb1984 - also a great memory builder too !

[cheshire]

Hi Susanne/ YoYo

Memory building is important hey - isn't this what happiness is? Feeling the moment and remembering it?

I have been doing boxes too Susanne - I have a small wooden box for each of my two and occasionally I leave a letter or some photos inside. They can open them when they're old enough to appreciate the idea! I also asked that if people wanted to give them anything at their Christenings - that it be small enough to fit in the box. There are some beautiful little books and bits of jewellery in my daughters' box now.

I hadn't thought of it as something to help with PNI though, so I might start that notebook idea and leave some of the thoughts in their boxes...

Hopefulx

[susanneb1984]

Well, I think so often when PNI is there, the small things get overlooked. I know I didn't pay attention to anything at the start of this year. When your down, everything is an effort.
I also found it helped because it made me think about the good things, I often felt that I was living in a black cloud with noway out, but doing a diary kinda made me open my eyes and see how wonderful my family was, and how great my daughter is. I feel that I missed so much when my PNI got really bad, but now I can look back and see how wonderful things are.