Post by yoyo on Aug 15, 2005 19:23:39 GMT
High School Science Test Excerpts
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades." The spellings are the original ones.
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When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
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To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
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When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide
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Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
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Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
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Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
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Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
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The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
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Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
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Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
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A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
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Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
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The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
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The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
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The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
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The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
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The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
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A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
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Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
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Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
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Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
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To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
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For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
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For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
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For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades." The spellings are the original ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
