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Post by kirsti on Dec 10, 2005 15:19:24 GMT
MOM'S DEFINITIONS
a. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
b. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
c. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
d. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a naughty word.
e. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we tell them.
f. WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.
g. WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
lol will be back with more
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Post by kirsti on Dec 10, 2005 15:21:41 GMT
Parenthood Changes
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby.
Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
YOUR CLOTHES:
a. 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
b. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
c. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
THE BABY'S NAME:
a. 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
b. 2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
c. 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH:
a. 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
b. 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
c. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
THE LAYETTE:
a. 1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
b. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
c. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
WORRIES:
a. 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
b. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
c. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
ACTIVITIES:
a. 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
b. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
c. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
GOING OUT:
a. 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
b. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
c. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
AT HOME:
a. 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
b. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
c. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
dunno if this is true so tell me if it is all the number ones apply to me!
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Post by kirsti on Dec 10, 2005 15:30:49 GMT
A Child's Perspective
How Do You Decide Who to Marry?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."
--Alan, age 10
What is the Right Age to Get Married?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then."
--Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."
--Freddie, age 6
How Can a Stranger Tell If Two People Are Married?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
--Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
--Derrick, age 8
What do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?
"Both don't want more kids."
--Lori, age 8
What Do Most People Do on a Date?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."
--Lynnette, age 8
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
--Martin, age 10
What Would You Do on a First Date that was Turning Sour?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."
--Craig, age 9
When is It Ok to Kiss Someone?
"When they're rich."
--Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
--Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
--Howard, age 8
Is It Better to be Single or Married?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them."
--Anita, age 9
"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."
--Kirsten, age 10
How Would the World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
--Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now."
--Roberta, age 7
How would You Make a Marriage Work?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck."
--Ricky, age 10
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Post by kirsti on Dec 10, 2005 15:34:47 GMT
well this made me LOL
A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.
She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says -
"No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds..."Well of course I don't."
"I'm his aunt - but I'm SURE GLAD I brought him in!"
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Post by yoyo on Dec 17, 2005 21:29:00 GMT
LOL v good !!! LOL
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Post by sarajay28 on Dec 18, 2005 22:42:18 GMT
LOL, they are fantastic jokes, i was laughing for ages. As for the one about the changes, i have three kids and most of them are true!!! lol, if i haven't done it then i've thought about it!!! hahaha......
keep them coming! loadsa love
Sarah.xxx
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