Post by shell79 on Sept 21, 2006 20:10:05 GMT
Here is my own personal experience of pni. Wrote this in may when i had a few good months and thought i was on mend but now i have spiralled further down into the depths of depression this poem seems like the wrong one for me to share with you but hope it will help someone.
A Mums Survival of Post Natal Depression
We had nine months of preparation, excitement, fear and joy.
We wished to become new parents of a baby girl or boy.
At last the 5th of November came, bringing with it our newborn son.
A lengthy struggle, the hardest battle, I’m still not sure if I won.
The first time that I saw your face I wished my heart to melt.
But all that came was relief it was over. No happy thoughts were felt.
Afterwards mammy was very poorly so the midwifes cared for you.
I only saw you if daddy was there or when I fed you too.
Daddy was first to hold you in his arms, bath you and change your nappy.
I couldn’t do the simplest of things. This made me feel unhappy.
Your first few weeks should be precious but all I did was cry.
Reliving your imperfect birth and constantly asking myself WHY?
By the time you reached nine weeks old I just cried and felt very sad.
I shouted at you all time. As your mammy I was bad.
“Post Natal Depression” was what the doctor said. He gave me pills to take.
I agreed with him I would give them a try for yours and daddy’s sake.
I started on the lowest dose but then it was increased.
But then I became foolish to think that my PND has ceased.
I stopped taking the medication. I thought I was all clear.
But what a mistake that was to make, I paid for that so dear.
I shouted at you and wished you gone, I envisaged running away.
I had bad thoughts, stopped seeing friends and dreaded every day.
But now with help from all around I’m finally on the mend.
With happy pills and constant support and counselling I attend.
It took eleven months to finally feel that I had managed to bond with you.
But now my heart is bursting with love that’s solely there for you.
It’s taken over a year but now I can say I’m finally over the hill.
My life is back, my future is bright. What do they put in that pill?
Although I realise I’ll still have bad days, it’s never as bad as before.
I know how to cope so they don’t last as long and it’s you that I thank this for.
Thank you for showing me I’m not a bad mum with your hugs and kisses and smiles.
I know now that I will always be the greatest mum for miles.
Proudly I shout to the whole wide world that we are mum and son.
And despite the struggle with PND, I now know that we have won.
A Mums Survival of Post Natal Depression
We had nine months of preparation, excitement, fear and joy.
We wished to become new parents of a baby girl or boy.
At last the 5th of November came, bringing with it our newborn son.
A lengthy struggle, the hardest battle, I’m still not sure if I won.
The first time that I saw your face I wished my heart to melt.
But all that came was relief it was over. No happy thoughts were felt.
Afterwards mammy was very poorly so the midwifes cared for you.
I only saw you if daddy was there or when I fed you too.
Daddy was first to hold you in his arms, bath you and change your nappy.
I couldn’t do the simplest of things. This made me feel unhappy.
Your first few weeks should be precious but all I did was cry.
Reliving your imperfect birth and constantly asking myself WHY?
By the time you reached nine weeks old I just cried and felt very sad.
I shouted at you all time. As your mammy I was bad.
“Post Natal Depression” was what the doctor said. He gave me pills to take.
I agreed with him I would give them a try for yours and daddy’s sake.
I started on the lowest dose but then it was increased.
But then I became foolish to think that my PND has ceased.
I stopped taking the medication. I thought I was all clear.
But what a mistake that was to make, I paid for that so dear.
I shouted at you and wished you gone, I envisaged running away.
I had bad thoughts, stopped seeing friends and dreaded every day.
But now with help from all around I’m finally on the mend.
With happy pills and constant support and counselling I attend.
It took eleven months to finally feel that I had managed to bond with you.
But now my heart is bursting with love that’s solely there for you.
It’s taken over a year but now I can say I’m finally over the hill.
My life is back, my future is bright. What do they put in that pill?
Although I realise I’ll still have bad days, it’s never as bad as before.
I know how to cope so they don’t last as long and it’s you that I thank this for.
Thank you for showing me I’m not a bad mum with your hugs and kisses and smiles.
I know now that I will always be the greatest mum for miles.
Proudly I shout to the whole wide world that we are mum and son.
And despite the struggle with PND, I now know that we have won.