I hate this illness!

[tw]

Hi everyone.

My name is Tina, I am 34 yrs old, I live in Gorleston with my partner Rob, and my son Mason, who is 3 1/2 yrs old.

Rob found your site on Sunday but I've been plucking up courage to log in. I've been on and off of ADs since Mason was 5 mths. I had some counsolling and thought I was doing ok. But this weekend it all built up again. This is soo hard. If there had been a piece of rope at the park on Saturday evening, I wouldn't be here now.

There I've said it. I did tell my mum that I was feeling bad. She's taking me to the doctors this afternoon. I'm sooo scared. I think they will take Mason away, or section me. Although perhaps thats what I need. I can't carry on like this!!

Just reading through some of the stories on here has made me feel like I'm not the only one. Thank-you!!

I just hope I can get some proper help now. I'm fed up with my false smile, my jaw aches too much.

[joop]

Tina i now just how you feel, and i feel the same terrified of losing my girls ,but the realisation that i need help is so strong now i cant go on feeling like i do.

[collette]

hi there Tina

Welcome to the forum. Like so many of the women on here I have been where you have been. We all have to an extent with post natal illness.

I am glad to hear you have told your mum and that you are going to see the GP again. This was one of the things I found hardest and especially admitting to family what was wrong. I felt such guilt and shame. I too felt scared that my baby would be taken off me although sometimes I felt that would be the best thing because I felt unfit not able to be his mum.

You are definetely not the only one and that is one of the really useful things I have found about this forum. You can say whatever you like and think and you won't be judged. We have quite often been there.

I know what u mean about aching jaws and putting a face on things, i did that for so long. I still do to a certain extent but now that I am recovering I tend to tell people about it.

So I hope this forum can be of use to u and support that is what we are all here for.

Love Collette x

[yorkslass]

You are not gonna lose your son as i have had PNI bad and also thought that i would lose my children but I still have them here with me and even have a new baby too something i though i would never have as i had it bad.

I am so pleased you are going to see your GP and seems like your mum is ok too somthing i never had the support of but that another story.

This site is one of the good things that have come out of my depression as i have met some great poeple and will continue to do so. This site and the poeple on it have helped me to become the person i am today the person who is recovering and enjoying life again.

Let us know how you get on today as we are here to help one and other.

Melx

[Veritee]

Dear Tina

Thank you for your story and its great to meet you - although I wish it was not because you have PNI.

But I am so pleased you have felt able to talk to us.

I hate this illness too and it seems to me particularly cruel that women get this at a time when they have a new life to get to know and really every new life brings opportunities for new experiences and relationships - yet at this time which should be so joyful for us 1 in 10 to 1 in 7 is struck down by this awful thing and we miss the joy that other mothers feel.

This is why I started this site to support women and continue with others ( the team I have been calling us recently to myself) to support women with PNI.

I am sorry I was not able to write this before you went to the doctors but I am on a course on Tuesdays though happily joop, Mel and Collette responded to you.

I do know how hard it is to seek help and I understand the fears women have about their children being put into care - I too had these fears ands it stopped me seeking or accepting help.

-But believe me this will not happen to you.

Perhaps it will help joop and others to explain what usually happens when you go to your GP because you may have PNI?
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I know not everyone’s experience of Social Services is a happy one – and I would be interested to hear of womens experience of the various inputs they have had such as GPs, HV, CPN, SS ?

- I had a bit of difficulty 15 years ago when I had PNI which if you have read my story you will know, and occasionally it goes wrong for people. But this is very unusual and not the experience of the majority of women –

( There were other factors in my case which led to this and if you want to know about these I will reply to an e- mail about it.)

But the reality of what happens when a woman seeks treatment for PNI is that for the majority of women who go to the doctors with PNI, Social Services are never even involved nor do they need to be!

For SS to be consulted there are usually other factors other than PNI alone and/or more than one factor or the woman or her family or her GP or HV have requested help that only SS can provide such as childminding, nursery places and other care packages.

For most women with PNI their time with this illness is managed by the GP and Health Visitor and the person can be referred to the local mental health team

(but only with your permission and do not be put off by this name - with PNI you do not have an on-going mental illness it is just that local mental health teams have the resources to support women with an illness with the symptoms of PNI)

The team might allocate you a Community Psychiatric Nurse who will visit you in your home and help you to access the resources and help you need and the team can give you Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, or allocate you a psychologist for counselling and other therapy and some teams run support groups.

In some areas you may be lucky and there is a specialist perinatal consultant and perinatal team who are specialised consultants for PNI.

So I hope that the results of your GP appointment were positive for you today???

Often a GP will start you on medication at first to see how you go as for some women this is all they need. But if you do not want to take the medication of after a month or so you feel you need more help, do not hesitate to go back to your GP and tell them this and then a number of options can be considered as above.

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What I find is like your experience Tina that women finally get the courage to go to their GPs, they are prescribed Anti Ds but then if this is not enough or they do not want to take them or the drug they are prescribed does not suit them -

They are hesitant to go back and ask to be re- evaluated.

But there is no need - if you went to the GP once just keep going back until what you get is right for you. Your GP does not know that what he prescribed or the bit of counselling you had is not working for you unless you tell him or her!!!

Let us know how it went today

All the best


Veritee

My post crossed with Team member Wendy's!

[wendabell]

hello to tw and joop,

I can only support what collette and yorklass have already said. We have all been there or still there and all the feelings you have now we have had too.
Admitting there is a problem is the first step so well done its not easy to do.Going and having yourself diagnosed at the doctors is the next step. It really does put your mind to rest to know it is properly diagnosed and then you can explore the different treatments to aid your recovery.
Please feel free to use this site as much or as little as you want to we would love to get to know you both more and nothing would shock us or make us judge you in anyway honest because we have all been there.
Oh yes and a big smiley welcome from me too.glad to have you on board.
love and hugs wendy x.x.x

[rach]

hi tina

hope your feeling better the girls do talk sense dont they.

thought i would let you and joop know that i have had pni now for nearly 2 years and have got a social worker but it is not as bad as it sounds in brief hes how it wrked for me

i 1st opened up to hv when ethan was 4 months old she eventually got me to the gp
i tried a number of diff antie dep - some because side affects others just wernt working

after sometime my hv suggested that i ask to be refered to the community mental health team i was very embaresed at this and would not admit to anyone that i was seeing one however she came out and would help talk me through panic attacks and
gave genral advise aswell as being a good listener but still at this stage i did not open up fully as frighted that ethann would be taken away i was then refered to the county hospital to see a phy dr as i was not making agreat deal of progress he asighed me a social worker who is not there to remove a child but to be supportive so much so that mine is helping to set up a support group, i asked her if a friend had admitted suicial thoughts would this mean that the child would be removed, she told me no that in there minds that would be the worst possible senorio as sep a mum and there child could make matters worse and only in extreme case where there is a chance of hrm to a child would this happen, it is then that i openly admitted having the thoughts.

please dont be afraid they are there to help

hope that this puts your mind at rest sorry for going on a bit

hugs and kisses rach

[tw]

Thanks for your support everyone.

I went to see GP. Mum had to talk I just sat and cried. GP was v. understanding. Doc has put me on Lustral. I'd apprieciate any info on it. She contacted the mental health link worker who has phoned tonight. A Community Psychatric Nurse is coming to see me tommorrow pm to assess me. Daunting, but I know I've got to be honest this time, admit wot I am really feeling, and worst of all , thinking. GP also gave me a 24hr helpline number, manned by local psychatric nurses. I'm quite impressed by the support that is out there if you are ready to ask for it. GP did ask if I wanted to go to the local mental hospital as a voluntary patient. I think if she'd asked on Saturday I'd have gone. But I'm trying to be rational. I can't really run away and hide.

I'm sorry it's a bit gabbled, but I'm sooo tired. I just wish I could sleep!!

Thanks again to everyone, it is reassuring to know you are there.

Love Tina.

[Veritee]

Great Tina

I am so glad it worked out OK today

I have to go to ed as my girl has a GCSE in the moring and I have to be up at 7 to make sre she gets there on time

I know it is so difficult when you can not sleep as well - I done think I slept properly for nearly 3 years when I had PNI - but I did not have the medication that is available these days and I am sure that with the right medication and support - the sleep thing will be solved.

I did find that in the meantime it helped to try not to get to stressed abotu not sleeping.
Sometimes there are others on here in the night to keep yoou company - but I am afraid not today.

Is it your thoughts that keep you awake though - if so, have you read about others thoughts as many have them and this was the worst symptom for me .

I have to go now but if you want to tell us about your thoughts some time - or as much as you can bear to discuss - I will be back in the morning to read and answer and so will the others

All the best for now

Veritee

[yorkslass]

I am so pleased that you have got a gp that seams to understand and that they are helping you and giving you the help you need.

Please use the 24hr helpline i wish i had had that when i was very ill as i needed that suport but thankfully veritee and another lady deborah stayed up with me onmore than a few ocassions when i was so ill and i could not face the world, but now i am well on the way to recovery.

Please use all the help that is given to you. I wish I had at the time i needed it.

Dont feel preasured to make sure all is spick and span when they visit just take it easy take a deep breath when they come and blurt it all out.

Melx

[wendabell]

well done for going to the doctors and making the start of your road to recovery.It is hard i know but we must try not to bottle all this up and to talk about how we feel.
Keep posting too it really does help to put all your feelings and thoughts down in black and white.
love wendy x.x.x

[Veritee]

Hi Tina and Joop

How are you today

As you had posted about similar fears I was wondering if what Susanne has said has worried you

I try not to have others posts cause worry in others but I can see how this might

But you have to remember that everyones situation is different and the person saying all this to her was not actually the social services or anyone with any power to put children into foster care or in fact to do anything - it was all caused by a very unprofessional, professional and I am sure once she speaks to th e'real' professionals it will all get sorted out, as this person had no right or reason to frighten her like this.

But I am worried it frightened you and others on here who are also not getting the help they need or delaying going for it

Due to fears they will lose their children

So let me know if you are OK?

all the best
veritee

[Veritee]

As to Lustral

This is what has been menetion on the form before about it:

Been feeling awful the last couple of days though due to the Lustral - do you know how long it takes to settle in?
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As to Lustral - I can only tell you what you can read on the net yourself - on Medicine Net: www.medicinenet.com/sertraline/article.htm

I am - or rather pni.org also a member of the British National Formulary so I can get a bit more info from there and I also have a GP I can ask.

But anything I say is only muy opinion really and you should check with your doctor.

All Anti Ds of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) type which sertraline is ( Lustral in UK - Zoloft I think in US)

Take a few weeks to kick in - usually 2 to 3 and the right dose for you has to be established also.

However Lustral is only one of several SSRIs which includes Prozac and while they have the simular actions, each one has different side effects and women on here have found that not all suits everyone - some will get on fine with Lustral but get horrible side effects with Prozac for example and visa versa.

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I was on lustral for some time whilst i was breastfeeding my gp said it is a good anti dee and one that if you are breastfeeding wont affect your bab
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My doctor checked his book & the only one you should take when feeding is sertraline/lustral. Prozac/Fluoxetine apparently may pass into the milk & the effects are not known.

( this is not totally so - there are other older anti ds you can take while breastfeeding and some GPs do perscribe newer SSRIs these days )

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I took my first AD this morn at 8am (Lustral/sertraline). I am actually quite scared as I can't see straight, very dizzy, weak legs, sleepy. Been like this since 11am. Is this normal? I never remember this with prozac or efexor. Do I carry on taking it, do I stop or go to docs & get other meds?
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I have been on lustral since march this year and I would say it is effective. I am on the maximum doseage 200mg.

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I will have completed 8 weeks of lustral this friday and on the whole I have made much improvement. My gp has said she thinks I have turned the corner and am over the worst. I am due to go back to work in July. The intrusive thoughts are still there but no where near as frequent.
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[rach]

hi tina

im so pleased that you have seen the dr and that your mum now knows that you need support, both my self and my mum were on lustral and my mum still is she finds it great however i was having problems with sleep so the prescribed a slightly sedative anti d for me, did they explain that it can take up to 2 to 3 weeks before it is really in your system? it great that they have been so helpful with contact numbers etc.

i dont know if it will help but i bought a cd from the avon it was a sleep and relaxation cd and it was great so good that my cpn used it with other patients.

good luck and best wishes

love rach

[tw]

Cheers for your support everyone

Thanks Veritee, I read the info on medicine .net I hadn't given it a thought to look on the Net. Logic isn't very good at the mo. I just like to know what I'm taking.

Rach, I might have to get that cd, did you buy it recently? I bought some Kalms yesterday. I actually managed to sleep last night and so felt quite good today. Even managed to take Mason to the beach for an hour this afternoon! But alas, here I am again at 2.30am not able to sleep. It was worth a try. Anythings worth a try at the moment- well almost...I don't think I can contemplate sex yet!! Ha Ha!

Just to keep you up-dated - Saw GP again today. Told her that although I got a quick response from the crisis team I feel like I'm in limbo. I've got to wait for a Link Worker to come round, then she has to refer me to cpn and counsolling. Counsolling could take months as the waiting list is so long. I need some action now! GP said she was sorry but that's the system. Fair enough...but after years of bottling things up, I'm finally ready to talk, and now I've got to wait. I feel p****d off with the system!!

Perhaps that's wots keeping me awake tonight.

At least tonight I feel angry rather than tearful.

Sorry for the rant. I feel a little better for getting that off my chest.

Take care everyone
love Tina