Post by jennifer on Jul 6, 2005 6:58:42 GMT
hello im jennifer ..i dont know if im suffering with pni as i cant seem to admit to anyone except my other half that anythings wrong.
i had my son 10 years ago and had a very traumatic time with pre eclampsia and ended up having an emergency c -section at 27 weeks and a 1lb 12 ounce baby. i was lived at home when i had thomas whos now very healthy by the way so there was always someone around wether it be my mum ..dad or just the dog and friends of my parents were always about so i felt ok..until thomas was about 4 months old then this dispair set in.
i didnt have any friends of my own not one (still dont )the dispair got worse when i moved in with peter my now husband .as i never got a visitor i spent all day every day alone .i got into a habit of not going out anywhere during the day.it was as if i hadnt a reason to go out so didnt bother.i married peter in 1996 when thomas was 18months old.that seems to be the last time i was really happy.
i finally plucked up courage in 2001 to try for another baby and got pregnant first month i was estatic.then at the 12 week scan the baby had died..i got pregnant again 3 months later and have charlotte a healthy 3 year old who was born weighing 5lbs 13 .
.i felt like i suppose all new mothers in the beginning overwhelmed with excitement of this new bundle .but that soon wore off again and i seemed to spend all day crying ..alone and unable to cope.except i can hide it very well in front of people and when they give you the little slips at the doctors to fill in asking how you feel just ticked the happy boxes as i felt if i admitted how i really felt they would think i was mad ..or feel sorry for me .or just think i were a bad mother .i feel great when im pregnant so pursuaded my gorgeous husband that we should have another child because i didnt want charlotte to grow up alone like thomas so he agreed..again i got pregnant straight away ..
i got to 24 weeks and felt fantastic.went out and everything .then i went for a routine scan as everyone does and the baby had died .my precious little james had gone ..
i had to give birth two days after finding out so going home with a dead baby inside was my worse nightmare.people kept asking how long i had left etc...
its heart renching.james weighed just over 1lb and was perfect i couldnt stop looking at him.it was hard having to leave the hospital without him and noone acknowledged id been pregnant .my dad didnt seem to care or his parents .noone came to the burial only me and my husband were there..so i feel like ive never mourned for him .i
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never mention that baby anytime except to peter as we take flowers to his grave every week without fail..i got pregnant again a few months later as i thought it would fill the void i was feeling and i couldnt get pregnant wether it was stress or just feeling unhappy all the time i dont know but it wasnt working.i came obsessed with getting pregnant .
i spent money on kits potions all sorts .i still never admitted to anyone how i felt .i stopped taking my son to school in case anyone asked about the baby and still dont go out as i suffer anxiety attacks and panic attacks .
.i finally got pregnant the first month i gave up trying and after a very traumatic bumpy pregnancy due to problems with amniotic fluid gave birth at 37 weeks to hermione jane weighing 3lbs 12 ..yes i know very small but she was perfect and came home with me a few days after the birth.that was october last year.i am at my wits end in myself and i finally realise i need to tell someone about how i feel inside.this is the first time ive admitted to anyone that somethings wrong so im sorry for going on and on
..i feel like doom and glooms set in.i feel like im on the planet zog .i am so unhappy .why when i should wake up feeling great.i cry all the time .im moody .i believe im such a bad person or bad mother thats why i feel like i do.i feel in a panic all the time .i have stopped going out.i never get any visitors still.i only see my husband .hes the only adult that i see .hes so fantastic and i dont know how he puts up with me,.its got to the stage where i cant even show my feelings for him.i dont even kiss and cuddle him anymore.how do you start to admit all this to a complete stranger..are they going to think im out my tree.
i did try explaining to my doctor but i end up crying.he told me to take prozac but when i read the side effects i got scared and threw them away without trying them as i didnt want to experience more anxiety or panic off side effects.has anone else taken them and had good results..has anyone else reached rock bottom and managed to get up..sorry for boring you
jennifer
i had my son 10 years ago and had a very traumatic time with pre eclampsia and ended up having an emergency c -section at 27 weeks and a 1lb 12 ounce baby. i was lived at home when i had thomas whos now very healthy by the way so there was always someone around wether it be my mum ..dad or just the dog and friends of my parents were always about so i felt ok..until thomas was about 4 months old then this dispair set in.
i didnt have any friends of my own not one (still dont )the dispair got worse when i moved in with peter my now husband .as i never got a visitor i spent all day every day alone .i got into a habit of not going out anywhere during the day.it was as if i hadnt a reason to go out so didnt bother.i married peter in 1996 when thomas was 18months old.that seems to be the last time i was really happy.
i finally plucked up courage in 2001 to try for another baby and got pregnant first month i was estatic.then at the 12 week scan the baby had died..i got pregnant again 3 months later and have charlotte a healthy 3 year old who was born weighing 5lbs 13 .
.i felt like i suppose all new mothers in the beginning overwhelmed with excitement of this new bundle .but that soon wore off again and i seemed to spend all day crying ..alone and unable to cope.except i can hide it very well in front of people and when they give you the little slips at the doctors to fill in asking how you feel just ticked the happy boxes as i felt if i admitted how i really felt they would think i was mad ..or feel sorry for me .or just think i were a bad mother .i feel great when im pregnant so pursuaded my gorgeous husband that we should have another child because i didnt want charlotte to grow up alone like thomas so he agreed..again i got pregnant straight away ..
i got to 24 weeks and felt fantastic.went out and everything .then i went for a routine scan as everyone does and the baby had died .my precious little james had gone ..
i had to give birth two days after finding out so going home with a dead baby inside was my worse nightmare.people kept asking how long i had left etc...
its heart renching.james weighed just over 1lb and was perfect i couldnt stop looking at him.it was hard having to leave the hospital without him and noone acknowledged id been pregnant .my dad didnt seem to care or his parents .noone came to the burial only me and my husband were there..so i feel like ive never mourned for him .i
]
never mention that baby anytime except to peter as we take flowers to his grave every week without fail..i got pregnant again a few months later as i thought it would fill the void i was feeling and i couldnt get pregnant wether it was stress or just feeling unhappy all the time i dont know but it wasnt working.i came obsessed with getting pregnant .
i spent money on kits potions all sorts .i still never admitted to anyone how i felt .i stopped taking my son to school in case anyone asked about the baby and still dont go out as i suffer anxiety attacks and panic attacks .
.i finally got pregnant the first month i gave up trying and after a very traumatic bumpy pregnancy due to problems with amniotic fluid gave birth at 37 weeks to hermione jane weighing 3lbs 12 ..yes i know very small but she was perfect and came home with me a few days after the birth.that was october last year.i am at my wits end in myself and i finally realise i need to tell someone about how i feel inside.this is the first time ive admitted to anyone that somethings wrong so im sorry for going on and on
..i feel like doom and glooms set in.i feel like im on the planet zog .i am so unhappy .why when i should wake up feeling great.i cry all the time .im moody .i believe im such a bad person or bad mother thats why i feel like i do.i feel in a panic all the time .i have stopped going out.i never get any visitors still.i only see my husband .hes the only adult that i see .hes so fantastic and i dont know how he puts up with me,.its got to the stage where i cant even show my feelings for him.i dont even kiss and cuddle him anymore.how do you start to admit all this to a complete stranger..are they going to think im out my tree.
i did try explaining to my doctor but i end up crying.he told me to take prozac but when i read the side effects i got scared and threw them away without trying them as i didnt want to experience more anxiety or panic off side effects.has anone else taken them and had good results..has anyone else reached rock bottom and managed to get up..sorry for boring you
jennifer