Post by Winnie on Jul 7, 2005 15:39:39 GMT
Hi there Im new to this site and I would welcome as mahy opinions and as much advice as you can give me please.
I have a 14 month old son and have been on AD's since he was 1 week old as I started with severe depression before he was even born. After a year of dealing with social services, health visitors, doctors and CPN's I do feel better than I did but I still dont feel right.
I get angry with my son, I shout, I throw things, I want to walk out I have horrible mood swings I am eating myself out of house and home and I fight to find a reason to get out of bed on a morning.
The doctor has just changed my tablets after months of fighting on my part to Citalopram - anyone else on this? The problem Im having is inside I still dont feel right and everyone around me tells me I am going through "normal" mother type emotions but I dont feel this.
I feel lost and scared, I dont feel confident enough to go back to work even though my husband feels it will help me and help my son who it seems is completely dependent on me because I go from the extreme of not wanting to be in the same room with him to wanting to cuddle him and not let go.
I see him growing up and I hate it - I feel cheated when I see Mum's in Tesco with their newborns because I cant ever remember my son being like that its a blur and that was the part I had been longing for since I was a teenager. We have had numerous up and downs such as a fall out with my mother when my son was newborn as she suffered with PND herself and backed out of helping me because it was making her ill seeing me suffering.
My son ended up in hospital via ambulance as he choked and stopped breathing and my husband insisted we go home so I left my baby all alone in hospital something I will never forgive myself for. I had Gallstones just after I had him, got Jaundice and liver problems so had an emergency Gallbladder removal so again I was taken away from my son and couldnt even hold him when I was released from hospital even though part of me didnt want to. So I also feel guilty because I blame my son for the catalogue of health problems and disasters we have suffered since he came along. I know its not his fault but I cant help how I feel.
He goes to Nursery two half days a week and its torture I end up in tears and I am stressed out with him but then I cant bare to be apart from him.
Does anyone have any advice of similar experiences they can share I feel so alone?
I have a 14 month old son and have been on AD's since he was 1 week old as I started with severe depression before he was even born. After a year of dealing with social services, health visitors, doctors and CPN's I do feel better than I did but I still dont feel right.
I get angry with my son, I shout, I throw things, I want to walk out I have horrible mood swings I am eating myself out of house and home and I fight to find a reason to get out of bed on a morning.
The doctor has just changed my tablets after months of fighting on my part to Citalopram - anyone else on this? The problem Im having is inside I still dont feel right and everyone around me tells me I am going through "normal" mother type emotions but I dont feel this.
I feel lost and scared, I dont feel confident enough to go back to work even though my husband feels it will help me and help my son who it seems is completely dependent on me because I go from the extreme of not wanting to be in the same room with him to wanting to cuddle him and not let go.
I see him growing up and I hate it - I feel cheated when I see Mum's in Tesco with their newborns because I cant ever remember my son being like that its a blur and that was the part I had been longing for since I was a teenager. We have had numerous up and downs such as a fall out with my mother when my son was newborn as she suffered with PND herself and backed out of helping me because it was making her ill seeing me suffering.
My son ended up in hospital via ambulance as he choked and stopped breathing and my husband insisted we go home so I left my baby all alone in hospital something I will never forgive myself for. I had Gallstones just after I had him, got Jaundice and liver problems so had an emergency Gallbladder removal so again I was taken away from my son and couldnt even hold him when I was released from hospital even though part of me didnt want to. So I also feel guilty because I blame my son for the catalogue of health problems and disasters we have suffered since he came along. I know its not his fault but I cant help how I feel.
He goes to Nursery two half days a week and its torture I end up in tears and I am stressed out with him but then I cant bare to be apart from him.
Does anyone have any advice of similar experiences they can share I feel so alone?