Help and Advice needed!

[kathryn1]

Hello, my boyfriend found this site while browing the web last night, when I awoke this morning he told he to have a look, so here I am.

First of all I'll admit I have PND, I've had some kind of depression from before my son was born, just after I found out I was going to be induced, which is/was kind of scary for an 18 year old.

So from this day on, and there after I'ld say I've had my up and downs, more downs than ups. Even the birth of my now 7 month old son was pretty crap (if that be the word), I wasn't listened to by the midwife who induced me. And afterwards after i returned to the main ward was even worse as I was determined to breastfeed but when I asked for help the only help I got was a bottle and my light turned off.

All this didn't help when me and my partner we're kicked out of my parents and had to move into a hostel, it had made me worse then when we finally got our own place I started to get better then i had a letter arrive saying that I'ld need to go court etc and it knocked me back down, now I've no idea where or what I'm supposed to do and just need some help and support on where to start conquering this PND.

[yorkslass]

Hi and Welcome

You seem to have had a rough time of it, but it looks like you got a very caring boyfreind who wants to help.

Can I ask have you been to see your Gp of H/v if so are you on meds?

Birth is a scary thing especially if you are young i was 24 (induced )and scared, then 27 and scared and also still scared at 30. So you are not alone.

I cant belive that you was made to bottle feed when you wished to have breast fed (did you compliain).

Have you managed to breast feed when you got home or continue to bottle feed?
What hospital did you go to?

The help and suport you are looking for you will find on here both you and your boyfreind are welcome to use this site and you will not be judged as we have all been through what you are going through.

You dont have to answer my questions only if you want to and feel ok doing so.

I am just one women who is suffering from PND but I am recovering there are a lot of women on here who will help when they can, they have either had pnd or still do.

Please us this forum as much as you need to.

Melx

[Veritee]

Hi Kathryn

and a big welcome to the forum.

I echo everything Mel said and especially want to ask you if you have seen anyone like a GP or HV about this.

You do also seem to have a partner who cares

But if you use this site for your support - you need to come on here because you want to - because you feel the support we offer you could help and you want the help and support we can offer - it has to be your decision.

It seems that you have both also experienced life circumstances which have not been helpful - they say that moving is one of the most stressful things is life along side the birth of a child - and you have as a family had to experience a birth and two moves.

As Mel says birth is scary whatever age you are - I was in my late 30s and I was terrified - but it does sound like you had an especially unhelpful experience in the hospital you gave birth.

Like Mel I am appalled by how you were treated when you wanted to breast feed - something like this can stay with you for many months , even years and affect how you feel about your role as a mum!

Do you feel able to tell us a bit more about yourself and how you feel?

What are your symptoms - you say you go up and down but is how you feel mostly depression? ie low confidence or self esteem or confidence in your role as a mother, sadness, feelings that you just do not want to be around or that your family would be better off without you ?

Or have you had additional symptoms such as anxiety, scary thoughts, panic attacks, feelings of dread like something bad will happen to you or your child or family, physical illness symptoms or anything else?

We call this illness post natal illness on here not post natal depression because most of us experience symptoms that are much more extensive than what is often seen as 'depression' some women with PNI never do feel really depressed but have a number of other symptoms.

We are not alone in calling it PNI - the Association of Post Natal Illness which has been in existence since 1979 call it PNI too .

Anyway Kathryn

I hope you will feel that we can support you on here and you can answer out questions so as we can best support you?

All the best

Veritee

[kathryn1]

Thanks for your replys! After reading both i actually felt a little better.

In addition, I did speak to my health visitor & GP who chased things up but I never heard anything from that, also tried many times when I got home to brestfeed but never succeded after which I felt much worse.

As for now I want to see my GP but I don't know how to go about it and think they'ld laugh or much worse.

The symtoms I have at the moment are sleepless nights after i fall asleep though I'm fast on nothing can wake me, bad and sometimes weird, dreams that I don't understand.
* Felling as though I'm useless (even though I cook, clean and look after our son some of the day).
* I've even thought about sucide and thinking that everything would be great if I wasn't here and after my boyfriend was beaten up I'm worried that when he's out the house that something bad would happen, or that everyone who I/we talk to could cause trouble.
*In the morning I spend an extra hour or so in bed after my partner gets up, and if he wants to do something like go town or shopping I usually make an excuse so we don't go out just so I can mope about the house.
* I hate being asked questions over and over again, which my partner does alot of, and I've also started pushing him away when he tries to kiss or cuddle me.
* Also stopped eating as much as I did when we first moved in, think I've gone down to about breakfast and dinner, with a sandwhich/toast at night.

But even though I feel more confident in myself after having our son, I'm scared and don't feel like the same person.

[yorkslass]

If you dont mind i just gonna sugest printing off what you just put in that you wrote above and give that to your gp or h/v.

The gp will not laugh they are there to help you.


Please try and go to your gp.

Melx

[Veritee]

Yes to print out what you have said here - or some of it and take with you to the GP often helps.

Also have you looked at the list of common PNI symptoms to see if you relate to them?


It is unfortunate that your GP and HV did not seem to pursue getting you some help before.

But I am afraid that it is a sad fact that many women find that they have to be the ones to be proactive and push for support and treatment

which is very cruel at a time when you feel at your most vulnerable and could really do with the help being offered without you having to keep asking for it.

Often if GPs and HV do not hear from you again they simply assume that your fears, symptoms were caused by new mum nerves and a touch of the baby blues and that it has all settled down and you are happy

While you as a mum who could have PNI or if not quite this you need a bit of support and understanding are waiting for this promised extra help, which never arrives because they have not heard from you and think you are getting alone fine.

So you might have to be very definite when you go to the GP that things are not right-

I think you should mention the suicidal thoughts because even if you always knew these were just thoughts and you are unlikely to act on them, this is the biggest indication to a GP etc that things are not right for you .

However fleeting thoughts of suicide are , this is not 'normal' for a mother of a young child as it is a time that if everything is fine with you and your baby - that most women have the most to live for!!! so you mentioning to us that you have felt like this does confirm to me at least that you need some help, support or treatment.

and I am sure if you tell your GP they will feel the same.

Please do not be worried about going to your GP. I do think the GP will take you seriously and if your GP does not then I would see someone else or change your doctor as they would not be very competent.

Because unfortunately you will be by no means alone in visiting your GP because of this issue!.

In is a sad fact that at least 1 in 10 women who give birth are diagnosed with PNI usually by visiting their GP, and the actual number of women with PNI is probably greater as their are some who never go and seek help. So your GP will have had many women in the surgery, with similar feelings and symptoms.

So go to your GP and accept the support of your partner as much as you can - as it is well meant and the wellbeing and health of you and your child as the father is his concern too - at least as long as you remain a couple and he will always be your child's father.


Men can be irritating when they try to help although it is becasue they care and it is well meant - mine drove me to distraction as all I wanted was to be left alone by him and for him not to add to any demands on me, even by him wanting to know how I felt, or expecting anything at all from me ie to go out with him, to cuddle , sex etc, or even talk to him.

This is not an unusual attitude toward partners and husbands when you have PNI and I would say it is actually in most cases a symptom of PNI as before you would have enjoyed these things with him and they would have been a confort and enjoyable.

I think what happens is you feel you can not take any more responsibility for people and their feelings or any more demands beyond those directly of the baby - well at least this was how I felt!
Good luck and let us know what happens

All the best

veritee

PS Have you thought of contacting your local Hone Start for support?

Many women on here use this charity who are available in most areas - see their web site to find out your local address: www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/

[kathryn1]

Well, my partner read this last night and he and I spoke about help, even though I've been thinking about it for a while we've decided to go tomorrow (if i can get out of bed and can be bothered to walk down town).

Just a shame I don't have a printer yet, but I'm sure I could say how I feel, I'm just hoping I can see a female GP.

What do Home Start do? I've heard my HV mention them when I've asked about mother and baby groups but since I've been moved I've no idea where anything is.

Well should be able to let you know what happens tomorrow. And again thank you for your advice.

[yorkslass]

You are so lucky to have a partner who is wiling to help you out. I am pleased you are going to see GP.
I know this will be a great big hard step for you but believe me when it is out in the open you will be relived.

When I first went to see my GP it was a male doctor and he was so understanding as his wife had suffered from PND, he was so supportive but he left the practice. So i have a women GP who is ok but no where near as good.


Home start
Veritee is a home start volunteer so she be able to help you out with that


i have also just started a dairy regarding this subject veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=Journal&action=display&n=1&thread=4903 as I have just started getting this so my first visit is on 13 July.


Melx

[ropeyladybird]

Hello Kathryn

I am glad you are going to see your G.P. Your partner sounds very supportive. I think it is hard to admit you have p.n.d. I hope you get some help when you go to the doctors.

Take Care.

Donna

[kathryn1]

Well, thank you girls for the support.

Went the doctors and have been put on Anti's, a months course of Citalopram, and have got to go back in two weeks time, also my HV will be informed of what i told my GP.

So, hopefully sooner or later i should start to get better.

Again thanks for the help.

[wendabell]

hi katherine1,
well done for going to the gp it is the start of your recovery.
Reading your story from the top i really felt for you the way you were treated by the hospital and then being kicked out of home and so young too.
You should never had been trated like that in hospital,but unfortunatly there are still some places that are not the most helpful.
Your partner,bless him at least he is trying to help but im afraid with this illness we do push them away from us even when all we want is a cuddle we struggle to ask for one and then it comes out all wrong and we end up sleeping in opposite directions.
Trying to share this illness with him is important though, and he too can get support on here if he needs .
Did your gp explain to you how long you will have to be on anti dees and how long they take to make a difference?
But you have made a start,well done.
Keep posting on here if it helps, sometimes its just good to let off steam on here because its safe.
take care
wendy x.x.x