I'd like to indroduce myself

[young mum]

hi all,

aren't i glad to find this site. i knew i was not alone in my feelings, however it is still nice to actually have someone to relate to.

let me give you a brief insight to my depression. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 15(5 years ago) , i've struggled for years with it (On and off). more on than off though. However just when i was starting to think that life was looking better i fell pregnant, unexpectidly. I had only known my, now husband, 5 months, and lived with him for 1 month. i was pleased about my pregnancy although i was only 18 at the time. But my beautifull little boy is now 8 months old and i'm struggling so much. pysicaly i also struggle due to problems i have which doesn't help! I have an appointment with my gp shortly however, i know they'll just give me medication....which i can NEVER remember to take. so i'm at my wits end. Does anyone have the same problem with forgetting to take there medication, and if so does anyone have a solution?

I'm now 20 and i feel like i'm on the verge of a mental break down. I love my son dearly but i sometimes i just wanna walk away from all my problems (which i never would)

I desperatly need help!

p.s. sorry for any typing errors.

[Vikki not logged]

Hi There

I am a young mum too, I was 18 when I had my first baby, I have 3 now.

I also have the same prob with meds, but i now take it at the same time in the same place.

Try taking it when you brush your teeth, put them near your toothbrush.

I think being a young mum put extra pressure on me, i fell I am being judged by everyone, I dont know if that is how you feel?

Welcome to the site anyway, you will fing the girls here a great support!!!

Vikki xx

[kathryn1]

I've a seven month old son and I'm just 18, my partner being 10 years older actually found this site.

As I'ld forget to take the tablets there always by the computer, or he reminds me, you could always ask your husband to remind you or put them somewhere youl'd look.

[Veritee]

Hi young mum

I am sorry you are feeling like this

But welcome to the forum - you are not alone here in being young but their are also women of many ages - but whatever our age we all have in common that we have suffered Post Natal Illness and we hope the forum will help you.

When you say you forget to take your medication - can I ask if you actually 'want' to take it.

If you do not really want to take it one sign of this is to - forget.

I did not want to take medication and in fact did not - but it was the harder path I feel and if I knew what I do now - I think I would take it a second time around.

However there are other way forward, you can ask for a medication that you only have to take once a day so if you forget it in the morning you can take it later.



What medication are you on - a Anti D that you can take once a day is MIRTAZAPINE see: www.nmhct.nhs.uk/pharmacy/mirtazap.htmhttp://www.medicinenet.com/mirtazapine-oral/article.htm AND v

which is effective in PNI and I believe there are others that are taken once a day too

I would go to your GP and explain the problem - you are not alone in this problem of forgetting.

You should let your GP know about this and you do have a right to ask for what you need and not just sit there and accept what a GP offers?

The other solution of course is the one kathryne suggested - to get someone else to remind you!

If you do not actually want to take it - this is a different matter, but if you do it is not just your concern that you take your medication it is your families too - as they want you to get better too..
so perhaps they can help remind you to take it?

However if you do not want to take medication or you do not feel it is enough their are other things you can do. You say that

' I have an appointment with my GP shortly however, i know they'll just give me medication....'

But I have founds that unfortunately the best way to get what you need when you have PNI ( or in fact any depression or mental/emotional illness) is to find out what is available and ASK for what you need.

Tell your GP what YOU think will help you - you know yourself better than them.

So Have you looked around you area to see what is on offer.

Have your been offered counseling, most GP surgeries offer counseling- usually Cognitive Behavior Therapy - but some offer more and some health areas even have counseling available for specific things like PNI - this is rare, but it is worth asking.

You can always ask for a referral to your mental health team - which is not as daunting as it sounds as they have resources they can offer you that a GP does not have .

And if you have suffered depression since age 15 I am surprised you have not been refereed already.

Mental health teams can offer counseling , psychotherapy, self help support groups, regular home visits

do you have regular support visits from a CPN or a HV? Often you do have to know this is possible and ask for it.

If not you can go to your GP and ask that you get regular support visits from a supportive health professional.

Are you in a Sure Start area??
if so they do ofter run groups and other help if you have PNI

also Home Start are very good at offering support try this link www.home-start.org.uk/

But as far as this forum is concerned - we can offer you ongoing support if it will be of any help.

Do you want to tell us more about yourself, what are your physical problems, what support you are getting and what your main symptoms are at the moment?

all the best

Veritee

[wendabell]

hello and welcome,
ah a familiar problem for me too.
I either forgot to take my medication or i just have a problem about taking any kinds of meds anyway.
My hubby did remind me to take them but i have to admit i used to snap his head off instead of appreciate his help.
A young mum you say.Well when i had my first child i was 29, i can remember the miwife saying to me well you are what we call a mature mum.........me old at 29.Well needless to say that i had my next when i was 31 then my third at 33.
And yes the same responce there too.
So hunny dont feel bad at being classed as a young mum as i was passed it at the grand old age of 29. ;D ;D ;D

[youngmum]

hi,

thanks to all who replied.

To answer some of your questions.... errr i can't say i'm thrilled about having to take medication but i'm not against it. I've been on them so long that i am tired of them, however i've always had a problem taking them. And my husbands got a memory as good as mines. So that doesn't work. Neither does putting them next to something i use everyday.
secondly, i have had counsiling but it was when i was 15 and i never really took is seriously and didn't find it easy to open up to anyone. But i have since learnt that for me, talking is one of the things that really does help when i'm bothered about something. Thats why i think the forum will be so good for me. i have recently asked to be refered back to counsiling and i have an appointment for two weeks from now.

As for my HV, she only came around for a week then she just stopped coming and i only see or hear from here at jags, or cheak ups. She knows about my history but hasn't ever really offered to help. In saying that, the last time i saw her i was feeling fine. its only the last month that i've felt like i was sinking again. i plan on getting in touch with her shortly to see what she can offer. I don't want her coming around again to be honest because i became obsessed with housework when she was coming round and i just feel that it is more of a pressure than a blessing. I have good support around me with my parents, but they both work full time, so i can't always just call them for help.
My husbands mum was a good help with taking my wee boy over night to help us out, but there have been somethings happen and we no longer keep in touch with her.

Mentally: I'm feeling exhausted from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to bed, mentally, emotionally and pysically. But i still have problem getting to sleep at night. I get up tight and angry at the least wee thing, and just end up crying to cope with it. My husband helps me sooo much, but i just end up feeling guilty for landing him with all the hard work as he also suffers from stress and depression. My husband is returning to work (after a long break ) in a few weeks and i'm extreamly worried about how i am going to cope. I become up tight and panicy when left on my own with my son for any length of time. i am prone to having panic attacks although i've been okay the last year, but i can see them occuring again when i'm left on my own with my little boy.

pysically: I have back, hip, knee, and ankle problems caused by back bone structure. I have also put on a LOT of weight since having my son(probably through comfort eating). i get sore and out of breath VERY easily, and feel ill(dizzy, sore, sick, headache etc) This prevents me from doing much (if any) housework. I struggle to carry my son for any length of time, dressing him, or sitting on the floor to change nappies. I can do them but it hurts me.

I have never been offered a home help, and in actual fact not 100% sure what they do.

So what do u think? Any advice?

[youngmum]

I ment to say.... i'm on prozac, have been for about 4 years.

[wendabell]

hi thanks for posting,
hey i too have a huge problem in talking to people.thats why i like here i find typing much easier.
And as much as my hubby helped me i took it out on him so much.
This illness is so not fair to us.the panic attacks are the pits.
Who can you cal on for support when your hubby returns to work or is it just your mum in law that helps you.does she know you are ill?
And the tiredness is so draining.I found that sleeping or at least catching up on sleep when my little one slept it did help a bit.
i did this even with a toddler in the house too as well as a baby.Ok i never slept soundly but i made sure they were safe and next to me and i dosed.it took the edge off it.

[youngmum]

Its not just my mother in law to help. We've never got on really since i got married to her "only child". So i've never called her for help. But she did used to take our son over night once a week to help us that way. I have my mum, who's a great help and suffered from PND herself with me, but she is self employed so there are time where she can't take him over night for weeks on end. Also my mum feels its unfair for our son if she takes him any more than once a week. Feels he needs his parents 24/7. So she's reluctant to take him any more than once. Where it used to be, beffore i fell out with my hubbies mum, that my mum would have him once, and his mum would take him once. Not always over night but at least for a day. So it gave my hubby and i some much needed time to relax. But its a busy time for my mums line of business and she struggles to take him for a few hours just now. I do have otheres that i VERY occasionally call on but never more than a couple of hours and i tend to do housework in that time. I never settle anyway when he's with anyone other than my mum or my mother in law.

As for sleeping through the day...it doesn't work. Seems to be the more i get, the more i want. My husband gets up with my son in the morning (just now while he's off) and that means that normaaly i can get a long lie, but even that doesn't work.

[wendabell]

oh i am sorry if i offended you about your in law and mums help.just sometimes grandparents are very useful in having the we ones when we are tired.
It sounds like you have a lovely hubby there who helps out.Thats good.
As for the tiredness,im sorry, its all part of the illness and sometimes we just have to ride it out.
For me what helps to get me off to sleep at night is putting on the telly and turning the sound down to a mumble.I forse myself so much to try to hear what is being said i end up after a long while falling asleep.
It doesnt work for everyone and to be honest when i was at my worst it never worked for me.I could have at that point stayed on here all night long typing away.
I understand about the not being able to sleep in the day but i thought maybe it would have been useful.
Thinking of you.
wendy x.x.x

[youngmum]

No i wasn't offeneded at all. Thanks for the suggestions

[youngmum]

Todays been such a bad day for me. I was fairly active yesterday and have woken up sore all over. I'm currently sitting only a few meters from my husband, who is glued to the telly as normal, my sons running riot around me and i'm close to tears. Not that my hubby has noticed. Why do i bother to drag myself through each day? Just to repeat the missery tomorrow.

On a plus note, i called my HV today and she's coming out to see me.

Just had to let off some steam. tas for listening.

[wendabell]

hi ,
i know its hard to believe now but it will improve and hopefully with the hv coming to see you she will give you more support.
Its hard but try to tell it how it is for you,dont hide it if you can.
Hubbys find our illness hard to cope with as we do shut people out of our lives unintentionally.You cant really see our illness so its easy to forget its there for others.
How open are you about how you feel to him?


I had this illness for many years and never thought i would start to see the light but i am with the occasional blips now and again.But now i have more goods than bads.You will get better hunny honest,
i hope you have a better day tommorow and all goes well with the hv.
love
wendy x.x.x

[youngmum]

I tend to bottle things up for a while then break down(which i did yesterday).i explained to my hubby how i am feel (for about the 5th time), my hubby told me to sit back and relax for the rest of the night and he'd do more with our son. However, i am then made to feel duilty at him getting stressed out. Come night time he turns to me and says..."isn't it your turn to put him to bed"...he himself suffers from depression but not as severe as myself. But it just made my heart sink....and thats just how it is!

[Veritee]

Hi Youngmum

I am not very well at the moment so I am not on here as much as usual

but I wanted to say that in my last post to you I did not mean that you may find a 'home help' useful to you

but that you contact a charity called 'Home Start'

you can find Home Start here: www.home-start.org.uk/

They have branches in most areas and really do a lot to support women with small children with a variety of reasons why they may need support.

As to a 'Home Help' this is something that used to be supplied by social services but is an outdated term as this sort of service is not available any more from anywhere unless you pay for it.

I wish home helps were still available for no charge for those who need it as sometimes all we need is a bit of practical help so we can get on top of everything - but this does not seem to exist anymore.

A 'Home help' used to be someone who did domestic chores such as housework and cooking for those who could not do these things for themselves and may also take on a caring role ie with personal care of someone ie washing, bathing toileting getting them out of bed and back in bed.

I am afraid that with the new system you can not get this unless you pay a private care agency for this service.


Sometimes you can get the cost of a 'home help' subsidized if you are very ill or disabled and only have benefits - but this is mostly unavailable except privately these days.

Social Services do however sometimes send a 'family aid' into a family

but a family aid is different and do not actually do any domestic or other chores but help you to do them yourself on the whole and assist you, rather than taking these tasks off your hands.

So you have not been offered a home help because basically this is not available any more.

but if you need some extra help round the home or with your baby or to go out - do contact the charity Home start as many of their volunteers can do a lot to help you with anything you need with young children.

I relate to a lot of what you have said ie mothers in law - I had a similar situation with mine

and about bottling things up and then it all coming out in a burst all at once.

I need also to talk things over which really does help me - which is one reason I started this web site and forum as I believe that talking and sharing really helps.

I also relate to your descriptions of your partner really trying to help but not quite following it through ie the other night you needed him to do the whole thing and put your young one to bad - but by asking you to put your child to bed this meant you did not get and evening off that you need.

Mine used to do this - he would do half of it and not understand I needed the whole of that day or evening free of the responsibility of my child.

I often did this for him as he would have many days and evenings without childcare responsibilities as I would do it routinely - but he never seemed to take it over for a whole time period!

I found this frustrating.

As to the physical bit - I was actually quite fit and healthy when my child was young but I still found it physically taxing I am now overweight and disabled - and I could not imagine caring for a young child when like this so if you have disabilities and weight problems it must be very difficult for you and of course the more difficult it is - the less you want to do.

I understand the problem of doing a bit more one day and paying for it physically the next so you then do less for a few days - it can be a vicious circle.

But we are here to listen - we can not help physically but we can at least listen and share our experiences with you.

Good for you for calling your HV
has she been to see you yet?

let us know how it goes?

All the best

Veritee