New person- PNI but no baby

[quootiepie]

Hi everyone,
I have just found this website tonight and am relieved as doctors tell me nothing useful. Ill just tell you all alittle about me...
I am 19 years old and am a student. November 2004 i found out i was pregnant with my first child an initially was very very happy. My fiance was, at the time, very under the influence of his parents, and was of no help and as panic set in, i had no one to help me. I then decided, on my first visit to the midwife, explain my fears. She was very keen that i should have an abortion, and i felt it was the right thing, id be doing the best for my fiance, and both our parents. But not me. The day after the operation, he left me. Just walked out the door. 24 hours later he came to collect his bags. For two LONG months i didnt give up hope and it wasnt until i begged him to take me to hospital (3 weeks later, i was still bleeding. The operation wasnt complete and i had a D & C) he realised he was being controlled by his parents (after they told me to go away when trying to ring him to take me to hospital). During this time, i was in deep depression with many suicide attempts. I managed my best to put the abortion behind me, and as my fiance left his parents for good, my life was on the up. But nearly everyday i was having really bad episodes of... deep fear, panic... and i was convinced it wasnt related to anything that had happened, as when bad things went round in my mind, it wasnt the abortion, or months alone etc. I was on diazepam and anti-depressents which took the edge off it, but i was still getting these feeling coming in waves. I kept going back to the doctor who did nothing until i asked to be refered to a phychiatrist (sp) who after nearly two months on a waiting list (and it was private!) i saw her on Monday. She said i was suffering with PND and i am seeing a psychologist on Wednesday. Thats one part of my story... the other is, ironically after taking a leathel overdose which left me throwing up for over 36 hours, im pregnant

[yorkslass]

quootiepie

I am so sorry as I am just about to go off line and will be out tommorow but i am sure one of the other women who may be about tonight or in morning will reply and I will also reply better tommorow

I just wanna say hello and welcome to this great freindly and suportive forum.

Melx

[Veritee]

Dear quootiepie

Oh what an upsetting set of events to have to go through and with so little understanding or support too!

I hope you do not mind me asking but are you still with your fiance and is he the father of your baby? You do not have to answer if you do not want to , it was just I was not clear from what you said?

Women do get PNi after a termination, or a still birth or even an early miscarriage - as well as the emotions and upheaval involved you also experience the pregnancy hormones and the same sudden cut off of these hormones as when you give birth.

Many women even with an early termination or miscarriage will lactate for a while afterward which shows that the hormone reaction follows the same pattern as for a live birth.

I have personal experience of this as I had a miscarriage when I was around 16 and as I subsequently in less than a year had psychiatric treatment for depression and phobic anxiety - I have often wondered since I had PNI if this was in fact a first bout of PNI.

I then had an abortion at about 20 and again this threw me into agoraphobia and other symptoms for which I eventually attended a therapeutic community for therapy.

Because all my mental health blips as a late teenager, after the abortion and with my one child in my late 30s have been associated with a pregnancy and I had had no sign whatsoever of any mental/emotional difficulties between my last pregnancy in my early 20s until the birth of my daughter in my late 30s - over 18 years

Although it was never identified as PNI then - I now feel that like you I may have had PNI after pregnancies that did not come to full term for different reasons.

However I found that with a termination you have other factors - least I did - such as guilt and sadness and both are triggers for PNI and both are often a big factor in many womens PNI.

Ironically even if you were 100% for a termination, many women also still greive for their lost baby!!

And greif is a big trigger factor too!

I feel your psychiatrist is more aware than most to suggest the possibility of PNI after a termination - but this may be because you saw her privately - I have found that under the NHS there is more reluctance to diagnose PNI anyways and certainly if there is no live birth - I feel this is financial as the NHS just does not have the resources and funding to treat women with PNI, and most funding goes into medication and not the much needed counseling and support which is crucial in many womens recovery ,so they under diagnose.

But anyway you have a good psychiatrist and you have been diagnosed and now you have to look forward to wards your new baby

( I am assuming you are keeping your baby this time - but if you are not this is fine by us and we will be pleased to support you either way)

I hope you will come back on here and tell us a bit more about your situation
ie are you keeping this baby, are you still with your fiance, are you going to continue your studies?

I am not nosy - just want to know how we can best support you

All the best

Veritee

[quootiepie]

Hiya,
Thanks for the repsonses. The father is my fiance... (hes the only man ive consentualy slept with) and hes a million times better now. He grieved aswell for the baby i aborted ( BIG mistake). I was lactating (sp?) afterwards, and for a full month before i had dreadful nausea and sickness so my body was "fully" pregnant... Luckily i havent felt even mildly sick yet (touch wood) as that would set me off on a downward spiral again...
I am still going to college in September, and as the baby is due in March, i will spend the last week or so revising at home, and finish off the revision at home. I would love to stay at home fully, but im already three years behind on my education due to other things, so when i start year two in September 2007, ill have to pack my baby off to nursery (which isnt cheap where i live ) But, i only have three fulls days, one half day, and one less than half day a week so ill have plenty of time with my baby. Also my partner is on a rolling shift with three days off/ six days on so the baby wont have to go to nursery those days... hopefully it'll all work out. Another good thing about going to college, i wont have time to sit and let things run through my head. Fingers crossed!