New, not sure, feeling like c**p

[vertellech]

Hi all

I have a 17 month old son. He is brilliant, lovely and (sometimes) a pain in the butt! It took me just over a year to bond with him due to my PNI. my partner bonded with him straight away, although, he was very helpful. at the start of motherhood, i didnt like changes, disruption in my routine. one example i can remember was when pancake day was here and my MIL brought round some pancake mixture out of the blue. after she left, i felt so low, didnt wanna hold Jamie (he was only a few weeks old) and threw the mixture in the bin. Im better than i was now and have been on meds since april last year. I still have bad days and am talking to my doc on tuesday about changing to a diffrent brand. My fiance comes home still from work and comments on how untidy the place is and that i havent done any dishes that day. I guess i just dont have many ppl around me that i can actually talk to that is going through the same as me. i feel lazy and like a bad mum coz i havent taken Jamie up to the park most days. (we live in a 1bed flat in the centre of town) some days i just feel like crying. surely i should have stopped that by now, after a year and a half...

OK, thanks for reading this, and i hope i havent gone on too much.

[angel]

Hi and welcome firstly don't worry about going on too much you can say as much as you want to here. It does take time to get over things so don't worry about the time frame. I am sure that even if you don't take your little boy to the park every day that he will be having a good time at home with his mum. Does your fiance know that that have PND because I'm sure if he realised how you were feeling he wouldn't make comments about the house being untidy. I have recently told my husband how things are for me and since then he has been so much more understanding about things like the house work. I hope things start to work out for you there are always people here to talk to.

[Veritee]

Dear vertellech

I have not got much time as I have to take a load of children ( my brothers kids not mine) to a 'fun day'
I am not sure it will be that much fun - but we are tiring it anyway.

But I want to say that - no you certainly have not gone on too much

I do not think it is possible to go on too much on this forum as this is what the forum is here for!

So please say as much as you like and we will listen even if we do not have time to reply right then we will have read what you say and believe me we will sympathize.

Much of what you say is very much like what many of us on here have said - i personally can relate to what you say about you MIL, not feeling like going out, feeling like a bad mum ( at one time I thought I must be the worse mum ever) feeling like crying all the time,and my PNI lasted 5 years, this was quite long but many do suffer years rather than months - so do not get impatient with yourself thinking you should be better by now!!

You will get better and like us all you are doing the best you can in the meantime - and recovery can take time

This was definitely like me - and probably many others on this forum -

Please feel free to say 'go on' as much as you like
All the best


Veritee

[Hi]

It's great that you've been able to communicate your feelings on this website, as that can help, but I so know how you feel in terms of feeling isolated, on those bad days. We all feel like that, and I;m having one of those days today and that's why this website is great to come to as an outlet, which is so important.

You're so not a bad mum. Again I relate to that feeling, as when you feel down you can be your own worst critic, which is so hard on yourself. I read somewhere that motherhood should not be about attaining perfection but about doing what we can as mums....but it's so hard not to compare when you're feeling crap.... I do that on my bad days too.

Have you ever thought about talking to a councellor? I speak to one nearly every week, which is another important outlet for me, as my husband is definately not the best in giving me the emotional support I need at times. Your DR could recommend a good one local to you perhaps?

Why don;t you treat yourself to something nice one day, a spa treatment or something and get your partner to babysit and have some time to yourself - I;m planning that at the moment with a girlfriend of mine with a baby....

Keep us posted and take care :)

[collette]

Hi there

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Please do not worry about saying too much on this forum, that is what it is here for and u can feel free to say as much or as little as u like.

I just wanted to offer my support to you and reiterate what the wonderful ladies have replied to you. Does your fiance know the full story about your situation, like why u haven't gotten round to doing the dishes etc? I have learned the hard way that the housework really doesn't matter when u have pni and are trying to recover from it. What u need are supportive people round about you and the correct medication.

I am glad to hear that you are going back to see your GP about your medication. The fact that you are still finding things difficult should mean that he or she will need to look at your meds or getting some extra support.

I also quite often get "lazy" but find that this is more due to a lack of motivation than being lazy or a bad mum. I am sure you certainly are not a bad mum at all. The very fact you are so concerned about it shows that u r not a bad mum.

Let us know how u get on at the docs and if you are getting any more support on top of taking the medication. In the meantime please feel free to use this forum as much as u wish.

all my love
collette xxxx

[Vertellech]

Hi all

Wow, im suprised at the amount of replies already!!
First of all thankyou so so much. I was nearly crying when i read all your responses. I know everyone says there is always someone out there going through the same as you, but you never really believe it.
Yes my other half does know about my PND as he was the one who took me to the docs in the first place as he was worried.

I now have the confidence that i can come on here whenever im feeling down and someone will be able to talk to me as they know exactly what im going through and for that i am truely greatful.

Thankyou again and i promise i will keep you updated!

Love Chelle x x

[yorkslass]

Just want to say Hi and Welcome to the Forum

There is not much i can say that has not been said before,

Please do you this site as much or as little as you like you can say anything on here and you will not be judged.

Take care

Melx

[joanne]

Hi

you shouldnt feel like you are going on.....you need people to talk to and thats a good start!
I have the opposite problem in that I cant let my 8 month old son out of my site. All people can say to me is that I am lucky that I have him and that I want to be with him.....they all know the answer and I am trying very hard not to listen anymore...I say trying!!
Have you spoken to the doctor or your health visitor? I have started Anti dp's. I really refused at first but I am now at the stage where I would try anything. I have thought several times about ending everything as I am sure my sam would be better off without me...luckily I have a very understanding husband. You need to tell your partner how you feel. I tried but it didnt work until he sat in a meeting I had with my Psyc. I think he was so shocked....now he has sort of an understanding.
I got Brooke Shields book from my sister yesterday. Its a bit cheesy but when you look through that it has some things in it that I am sure you will recognise....I did and it was nice to see what I felt in black and white.
Sorry its not much help but I am learning still...
Take care and I hope things get better for you

Love

Jo-Anne