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Post by yoyo on Aug 17, 2005 9:36:22 GMT
Just need to go off on one ...
My family have been/continue to be really supportive of me through all this craziness, I've got a great CPN and so much to help me along. None of this seems to help me in my head, although it means the housework gets done and I go out a little bit more.
Now the only thing is that as I'm having a better run (not so many bad bits and if they are I can hide it fairly well) so my family etc seem to expect more of me - I'm probably hyper senstive and they don't feel like this at all. I don't want to discuss this with them as I feel I've drained them so much over the last few months (physically and emotionally) that it's just me being selfish.
My problem is my own doing, when I feel good I go mad - rushing here there and everywhere as for me it seems to make no difference to the next day or so - if I take things staeady or go mad. So I guess they've got used to me being "my old self" or doing a damn good job of acting like it on my not so good moments.
I'm a bit mushy in the head as I think the withdrawal from the Anti-D's is taking its toll. Will be glad to see the back of this PNI for good! I almost wish I was down again as then I wouldn't be so frustrated - I'd not have the energy to be!
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Post by cheshire on Aug 18, 2005 7:43:20 GMT
Hi YoYo
I have found that as I gradually get better, I have felt a bit angry and resentful about it all - especially as PNI at its worst felt like I had no control. I think people do start to expect more of you when you get better -but I still have bad days which can almost feel like I'm back at square 1. Hubby understands this but I feel that all that everyone else wants to hear is that I'm getting better and I'm fine...which is understandable but not always the case! So, yes it is frustrating and I do keep wondering if I'll ever be the same again
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Post by yoyo on Aug 18, 2005 15:41:04 GMT
It's all part of the healing I guess. I don't know about others who've recovered or who are in recovery but the physcial symptoms lessen/disappear then you're left with the emotional/mental side of things and boy is it an eye opener! It's as if you become hypersensitive to everything, reading even more into things people say/don't say, reading body language, noticing more about the world around - sometimes a good thing but definitely not at other times! This is hard to get your head round I find! I don't think there is a 'normal' anymore - just a 'better'.
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Post by yoyo on Aug 18, 2005 15:43:17 GMT
I think if anything PNI has put me in touch with my feelings much more and those of others - i cry easily for others now (Something I rarely did) I think more deeply about others and their circumstances. I feel genuinely happy for people when things go well, especially if they've been through the mill. That's why I love this forum - it's great to hear when some are having good times and it's nice to be able to support others when they're down too.
A hug bear hug to everyone on the board :-)
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Post by cheshire on Aug 18, 2005 17:42:44 GMT
Hi YoYo
2 things that I really identify with here:
''reading even more into things people say/don't say, reading body language, noticing more about the world around - sometimes a good thing but definitely not at other times!''
My main problem is that I am hypersensitive - the problem being that I perhaps read into things said incorrectly (sometimes assuming someone is being critical or hostile..etc.)
Also, what you said about deepening sensitivity and care towards others is something that I hope will be a long term 'benefit' of PNI..
Well said and lots of lovex
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collette
Senior Member
Jacob will be a year on the 1st September!!
Posts: 248
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Post by collette on Aug 18, 2005 19:03:29 GMT
hiya
I remember once I began to recover feeling a lot of anger resentment etc because pni had happened to me. also when i was v ill i remember being frustrated at what was happening to me.
now i have taken the positive from this all as much as i can. i still get my moments when i feel sad about all that has happened but i reallythink it gives u such a greater appreciation for others and their problems and it also means you can identify with others and possibly help other mums going thro what we have all been thro.
so now thankfully idwell on what has happened as something that has made me a stronger, braver more confident and sympathetic person. i hope this new me continues.
love collette xxxx
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Post by yoyo on Aug 19, 2005 22:11:29 GMT
I'm sure it will collette! I think PNI changes you as a person but this isn't necessarily a bad thing - as you say it can make you more confident/more sympathetic and certainly more sure of what's important to you.
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Post by cheshire on Aug 19, 2005 22:36:18 GMT
Well said YoYo
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Post by yoyo on Aug 28, 2005 16:48:35 GMT
Oooooooooooo the anger / frustration / numbeness is terrible!!! I am really struggling at the moment - I think it's because being well (or much better) is within my grasp so often then snatched away from me the following day or week or something. I'm mood swinging lots again - think it's the frustration of it all. I'll be just fine, I know I will - I just had to let off a bit of emotional pile up on here. Hope you don;t mind me burdening you all with it.
I'm finding that I can feel "ok" ish a lot more now but don't seem to be able to respond to how I feel . It's weird!
Also - I'm REALLY bloaty at the moment (have been for a week now) so much so I even did a preg test (not had period for 13 weeks) which was negative (thank goodnes!!) and now I have to wear one of two skirts all the time as I can't fit in my trousers. The bloating starts right under my ribs and is painful, quite tender to touch. It comes and goes though - depends on whether I've eaten much it seems. I'm not reg at loo at mo either - have tried senekot etc etc but no normal rythymn returning yet. Anyone else had irritable bowel type thing as a sympstom???
Take care everyone
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Post by yoyo on Aug 28, 2005 16:51:48 GMT
LOL - just looked in physical symptoms thread and found out some of you too have been suffering with IBS too. Glad to know I'm not dead ill or anything - just part of this horrid illness!!
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Post by cheshire on Aug 28, 2005 20:03:09 GMT
YoYo
Glad to hear you're so well on the road to recovery. It is very up & down though isn't it? I am reluctant to tempt fate, especially as I do not do everything that I did before yet (e.g. driving phobia still), but I am feeling an awful lot better. In fact, apart from insomnia and all that goes with that (moods) , the day time anxiety has been heaps better. I went out last week for the day with them both on my own and did not plan it - I used to plan with such precision so as not to put the children at risk (and this led to panic and upset if things went wrong, as inevitably they do...)We had a great day - so much better being spontaneous.. I then think back to what I was like last January-March and this is absolutely no comparison. Am I getting better? I am feeling pretty ok during the day. I am so pleased that fuzzy head and breathlessness seem to be a thing of the past and panic is coming back into my control. I suppose anxiety will never be completely eliminated from our lives, but the only way I can describe it , is that I am starting to feel happy again. What I mean by this is that PNI fog has lifted and I can enjoy just looking at them playing even though they are reaping havoc, being really noisey, covered in food and all the rest of it. ..if you are recovered out there -do you know what I mean? I'm writing this because I never thought I would even get a glimpse at feeling like this again and I want fellow sufferers to know there is hope. I even dozed in the car today when my husband was driving - if you knew what I've been like in a car for the past 12 months , this is a real change in behaviour , beleive me.No one wants me as passenger!! But yes, YoYo, I do know what you mean because there are blippy days which feel completely out of my control and I feel cheated..
Hopefulx
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Post by yoyo on Aug 28, 2005 21:09:11 GMT
It's barmy isn't it Hopeful!?! Very up & down - although the ups and down aren't quite so dramatica as time goes on in recoveyr eh?
That's such good news to hear your anxiety is subsiding - such a lovely feeling isn't it?! Hang on to it - especially when other sympstoms begin to do your head in. (LOL - my spelling on this board is terrible - I used to be SO particular too!!) Well done on your sleeping in the car!! That really is progress.
I guess the whole feeling cheated is quite normal response to what we've gone through - who wouldn't?
I was chatting with someone today who told me how getting over PNI (or at least the depression part of it) is very similar to grieving process - I hadn't thought of it like that but the steps DO seem to be very similar.
The word “process” does not imply that grief has any fixed schedule or program. Grief reactions can overlap and take varying lengths of time, depending on the individual. This list is not complete. Other reactions may also be manifested. The following are some of the symptoms of grief that one might experience.
Early reactions: Initial shock; disbelief, denial; emotional numbness; guilt feelings; anger.
Acute grief may include: Memory loss and insomnia; extreme fatigue; abrupt changes of mood; flawed judgment and thinking; bouts of crying; appetite changes, with resultant weight loss or gain; a variety of symptoms of disturbed health; lethargy; reduced work capacity; hallucinations, irrational resentment of your spouse.
Leveling-off period: Sadness with nostalgia; more pleasant memories, even tinged with humor.
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Post by yoyo on Aug 28, 2005 21:13:21 GMT
The above is not proven at all - just my observations. The process mentioned above is taken from a brochure entitiled "when someone you love dies" nothing ot do with PNI but it struck a chord with me when it comes to the stages of PNI.
Think syou?
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Post by cheshire on Aug 28, 2005 22:03:50 GMT
Hi
Yes, that is amazingly similar in some ways isn't it?. Memory loss, irrational resentment of spouse and the last stage in terms of nostalgia and where the humor returns - jumped out straight away for me. So who did we lose - ourselves for a while? Maybe hey?The nostalgia is a big one at the moment, but I don't know why really. It helps though actually as I try to put my old skin back on again.
Thanks for that, Hopefulxx
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