Exhausted new Dad who needs help

[Nick]

My wife gave birth to our son seven weeks ago - he's beautiful, but I think she has a PNI and am getting no advice or help from the midwives, health visitors or anyone.

We have both suffered from depression in the past and I am sure that my wife is suffering.

We had a long and scary talk a couple of nights ago and I decided to look for a website and found this one - it's a great help.

Does anyone have any advice for a new Dad who's very scared as it's my first child, or are there any guys out there reading this site who might be able to help.

You are right, Dad's suffer as well - just discovered that!

[yoyo]

Hi Nick

Congratulations to you both first of all.

Glad you found us here - can't speak form a man's point of view but my advice to you would be to both stick together and work through this together. You'll come out of it the other side ready to take on the world! It'll be a long hard road but is so worth it.

Being a first time parent is hard enough in itself without the further complications of PNI and depression. I'm sure there'll be others who are better qualified to reply to this post than me.

Take care though and make sure you get a little time out for just the two of you too (too many too's in that sentence!)

[cheshire]

Hi Nick

Congratulations on your beautiful son. Well done!

If your wife thinks she has PNI, then persuade her to go to the GP if you possibly can.


Hopefulx

[Veritee]

Hi Nick

And a big welcome to the forum and site!

Yes dads do suffer too and my husband would sure agree with this!

First of all though - Does your wife think she has PNI?

because even if this is quite likely it is very important not to assume that this is what the problem unless she says this herself is and it is important if any help is to be effective that she agrees that she has PNI

And until or if she does - keep an open mind on this - as it could very well be for other reasons that she is not feeling 'right'

I have not got a lot of time for the next hour or so

(dealing my self with a teenager who is finding her first week in college difficult -all the stress does not finish when your child leaves babyhood , but by the time they are 16 I guess you are more used to it!)

But I will get back to you as soon as I can.

And I hope that some of the guys who have been on here will reply to you also.

Off the cuff my tips are - do not judge and do not get panicky about anything your partner might say at this stage -

you said the talk you had recently was scary but I do not know what it was about and why....

But thoughts about leaving , suicide, harming yourself, your child or someone else, severe panics, rage and anger, anxiety, even hallucinations and other very scary thoughts can be quite common with PNI - but she will not act on them

But give her support and unconditional love - she will need it

Do not wait to be asked to do things round the house or for the baby - just do them without asking

And share everything - you are in this together, the baby is both of yours and if your wife has PNI you share this also - it is a family concern.

I will answer more fully in the morning
But congratulations on your new baby

and I hope you wife can come on here too

All the best

Veritee

[angel]

I think you are doing great already in trying to support your wife. i think that one of the best things to do would be to go and see our GP together then that way you can both explain how things are. It is very hard to cope when there is a new baby around but i think if you just stick together and support each other as best you can then you can come through this.

[banana]

H nick.

congratulations on your sons birth.

As said above, if your wife is suffering with pni she should see her gp. getting medication in the earlier stages can be the difference between a quick recovery and a long term struggle.
Have you discussed this with her? Does she think she has pni also?

I hope that things work out for you.

We are all here to help so dont be afraid of asking us anything.

Lana

[Nick]

Hi and thanks for the messages of support and help.

We have an appointment with the GP tomorrow and will e able to post an update then. It's been a great help reading all the comments.

The 'scary' part of this is admitting that we might have a problem and trying to find a solution - it is alot to deal with, especially as new parents.

There is alot of anxiety and 'stress' in the house at the moment, but no signs of leaving, self harm or to baby. I am trying to do more around the place and dishing out lots of TLC and hugs which is working.

It's a start and we will fight this one and beat it together. I think we have got this one in it's early stages!!! Having suffered depression myself, I have seen the signs in both of us and am determined to win!!

[cheshire]

Hi Nick,

Great to hear from you again.
Lots of TLC and practical help is what's needed. Sounds like you are being amazingly supportive.
The stress may be around for a while yet but as you are both aware of what's going on, this will help you to see through it...maybe? That is what we found anyway..

Let us know how you both get on if you get the chance,
Hopeful

[susanneb1984]

Well Done Nick.
I again, cannot speak from a males point of view, but you are doing so well already. You have found support for both you and your wife on this site. I agree with the others, she needs to see her GP or at least talk to the HV. It was so nice to read that your determined to win this battle together, things will get better. I hope you can remain strong for her, as I know my partner been strong was one thing that helped me. Congratulations on your son, and love to your wife.

[yoyo]

Let us know how you go on. Thinking of you both. It's a horrid thing to beat but such an accomplishment when you finally realise you have the upper hand :-)

[angel]

That greats that you are going to the doctors it really helps to have someone supportive there with you. I think at the moment the hugs are the best thing you can do. Please let us know how you got on at the doctors thinking about you both.

[rainydaybox]

Hello

I hope your appointment with the GP goes well. I am also glad that you are able to recognise potential depression. You mentioned that you have both suffered so I truly hope that you find the support for yourself as well as your wife. It must be really hard for fathers as I know a lot of the attention can be focused on the mother when you might be feeling bad also...

Do take care and as you can tell from the above replies - you've come to the right place, I have found that people on here are wonderfully understanding, non-judgemental and above all - they know what your are up against if it is PNI.

Becky
xx

[jummy]

Hi Nick,

First of all I need to tell you I am not Jummy as it says in the post. My name is Cass and I am Jummy's husband. I am using Jummy's sign in to write this post.

I am glad to hear that you have a GP appointment foryou and your wife as this is a start and will help in understanding. I found the hardest part was understanding what my wife was going through, which on a few occasions led to arguments and as you said, sometimes scary ones.

After going to the GP and finding this website I have learned a great deal about PNI which has helped me cope a bit more (as said, husbands suffer to) and to be able to know what NOT to do, as in the early stages I would usually make the problem worse. I found it very upsetting to watch my wife not knowing what to do when she was having a bad day.

Sometimes just having someone to talk to makes things a little easier and since my wife found this website I think she doesn't feel so alone now. It is a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is still hard for us at the moment but we are working through it each day at a time.

I wish your family all the best for the future. As you now know there are many people here for help and best of all, just for a chat.

I would also like to thank all the people in the forums, especially the admins. Your are all a great help and I wish you all the best to.

Cass