Does anyone want more sex?

[moo]

I've only recently been diagnosed, although I think I have had PNI for about a year - my son is 16 months. I've decided at the moment to go for counselling and have been seeing a naturopath - I have other health issues that make me reluctant to take medication unless I have to, so I'll see how things go, and if it doesn't work out, then I'll talk about the meds.

I just wondered if anybody else had what seems to be an unusual problem amongst the members here, of not getting enough sex?

After the birth, I had the desire very soon after, but couldn't because of stitches. Once I had healed up, it didn't happen for another six months, I think because the baby was in our room until then, and DH felt inhibited by that. Since then, I could probably count the amount of times we have had sex on both hands, or maybe both hands and one foot!

I feel really ugly and unwanted, not to mention frustrated, and DH doesn't seem to want to talk about it or do anything about it. If he would just tell me that he doesn't find me attractive anymore, I would at least have a reason. It never happens unless I instigate it or trick him into thinking that he did. It just makes me wonder what could be wrong with me, or him. Feeling pretty hopeless, and getting to a point where I'm not sure that I should be with somebody who obviously isn't all that interested in me. After all these months - years even, I can't make myself feel anything positive about us anymore.

[dcs]

Hi moo
I can relate to alot of what you said, although my pattern of sex drive is almost clockwork to the week after my period has gone, my libido is at its most.
As for the last piece of your comment about positivity, I know exactly what you mean. We all know relationships change after you have children but I have days where I wonder if my partner are compatible anymore because since our second was born nearly two yrs ago we bicker and clash alot more than we used to and I wonder what he truly thinks of me at times.

The desire is there at times but there is very little laughter in our lives between us as a couple, and apart from our children I wonder what we have in common because I seem to be on the receiving end of what he doesn't like in me or what I do and don't do right and it really wears me down at times to the point I just want to be on my own.

I do love him and he is a wonderful man apart from a few downfalls. Some of our problems are because of my self esteem, there is nothing I like about myself, I look in the mirror, see my boobs, bum and tum a bit lower than they used to be and I think, what must he see!! my body has changed and not for the best and sometimes I wonder about my personality too, I'm not as bubbly as I used to be and seem to get down quite easily. I don't seem to feel very positive about us either. The sad thing is I know I don't make him very happy anymore and I do get abit concerned about the future at times. I know no one is perfect but sometimes I feel he really dislikes me and that doesn't do your self esteem any good either. Sometimes I just enjoy the peace and quiet of him not getting at me for whatever and I'm sure he feels the same too. x x

[annag]

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[bam02]

Annag can you get to chat? Its 12.30am

[usedtobsensible]

I know how you feel. Please is there anyone out there who can tell me how to get the sparkle and closeness back into my relationship. I feel like my heart has been ripped out with the way my partner treats me at times.

Good luck and no you're not wierd; just a full blooded normal woman with desires like anyone else. And im glad to know im not wierd either.

[pumpkinjam]

yes i have that problem. feel a bit like "usedtobesensible". other half hasn't been interested in sex for the past 18 months(my baby is 8 months old). we have had sex about 3 times in that time and i have no idea how to get the affection back. we have cuddles in bed but there isn't any affection much other than that. the daft thing is that he seems to think i've lost interest! obviously, my efforts to seduce him every night go totally unnoticed!

[pumpkinjam]

oh i forgot to say that i never once went off sex all through my pregnancy or anything but he assumed we couldn't and just didn't do anything despite all my effort to let him no i still wanted to. i does make me feel ugly and unwanted and, no matter how often he says he does want me, it is still hard to believe if it isn't shown, especially when he does things like go on porn sites while i am in bed!