Tj
thats a co-incidence I just had an operation as a day care patient on my bum???
I have stitches in it as we speak - and I have suffered for over a year from the problem they have just operated on - so I can vouch for the fact it does nto help your sex drive to have problems in the nether regions!!!!
Either way - low sex drive or high
None of you are wierd
But I want to talk about an increase in sex drive here as I do not think we have talked about this before although we have spoken about a low or lack of need for sex with PNI.
You are all normal women with normal needs and our sex drive does fluctuate for all of our lives.
I am 53 and I have had times when I could not get enough and times when I had no desire at all - and all things in-between!
And with PNI ( or any other mental or emotional illness) you do not always lose your sex drive - it can increase.
Sometimes this is because all your desires for gratification and pleasure increase because you feel down so you look for anything pleasurable - so you might eat more, drink more, shop and buy more, do the lottery more , have sex more - as you need to do pleasurable things that offset you depression or anxiety,
Other times increased libido can be due to increased mental 'excitement' generally ie if you are a bit manic with your PIN, you are hypersensitive to any stimulation both mental and physical - thus an increase in desire.
For instance a freind of mine who has bi-polar ( used to be known as manic depression) has a high sex drive when manic and loses interest when down.
While it is not Bi-polar some women with PNI get manic periods.
other reasons can be for comfort ie a bit like comfort eating when you are stressed, sad, dawn, scared you look to do things that provide you with mental and physical comfort and reassurance - so you desire more sex -
Or a high sex drive may just be 'normal' for you at this time in your life and it is just that having PNI has not affected it - The age I had the most libido was in my early 20s from about 21 to 26 - often I was insatiable and none of my boyfriends could keep up with me!!
Others have said they felt like this in their 30s!
But whatever your sexual needs and for whatever reason you want sex I have found it is only a problem if your partner/s needs are widely different from yours at any one time and when one of you is not willing or able to accommodate the other's needs even if it is not what you want.
Using myself as an example
I have to admit from having a high sex drive in my 20s it got much less in my 30s but when I had PNI it diminished to almost nothing ( and unfortunately inexplicably I also had a period of time with PNi when I fancied others but not my husband!)
- but my low desire was never really a problem for us as a couple when I had PNI because Barry too had low desire because he was so stressed and worried about me and his job. So as we were matched it was no problem.
Then once recovered from PNI my desire returned and so did Barry's in response to my being well and we were 'at it' all the time. ( I am sure you do not want to know all this and it is too much information but this is the only way I can explain what I am trying to say)
So we were fine again as we matched OK again.
But if anything I have always had a higher sex drive than him.
However when I had my accident and became disabled I stayed the same and my husband seems to lose interest!
I think this is to do with not wanting to 'hurt' me because I am now vulnerable as I am disabled.
but for whatever reason we were no longer 'matched' for whatever reasons and for the first time we had problems.
I felt like others have described
- that sex is not just for the sex so without the sexual interest from my husband I was missing all the other things that go with sex;
the intimacy, the closeness, the attention, the feeling of being wanted, the confirmation that I was needed by my husband and was an attractive desirable person, the cuddles and the close skin on skin contact, the chance to be alone afterwords in a quiet place and talk ( out best conversations have been after sex)
Sex gives you so much apart from the sex, and I missed it so much.
We are now resolving this and it is getting much better
but it is for me when one person ants sex and the other does not that the problems occur.
I also found that when Barry was 'off' sex
there was a bit of a male/female power battle going on too.
Barry was the male and whether he wanted it or not he wanted to be the one who asked for it..
So I too got into the position whereby if I did feel like it he rejected me and if I felt like it he was not interested
Sexuality is an incredibly complex thing - for something that on first sight seems so simple!!!
So all I can say is that no one is weird and it is important whatever is happening sexually between you both to keep communication open
it is important not to reach a dead lock situation whereby no ones needs are being met and the only result is frustration and anger.
Well I will end auntie Veritees advice column not
( I am making fun of myself not anyone else as I just read through what I have put and it does seem a bit agony aunt style in places)
But I just wanted to reassure you all that whatever your current libido, I am sure with patience, communication and as long as you both still care for each other and no one blames the other - it will sort out in time.
In the meantime make a point of telling your partner how much you love them anyway ( of course if this is so) and try to have the odd non-sexual cuddle and tell them they look good etc
All the best
veritee
