we dont have sex

[lonelygirl]

Are we normal we havent had sex for moths and even though we have been together 3yrs over we never really had sex.Dont get me wrong we cuddle and we are affectionate snuggling and stuff and when we go to bed we both say its the best part of the day as we entwine.Is this normal.With ex bofriends i did he never as been a sexual person with his exes he never oggles or watches porno etc etc which i found strange at first i dont know what to think really any advice plzs

[gizmoracer]

I wouldn't say your relationship is unusual at all, probably the opposite. I think it is generally seen as though people are always at it, when in truth there are a lot of couples who don't feel sex is necessary on a very frequent basis. The main thing is that you are both happy with the situation. You are obviously very in love and show affection in other ways, so presumably when you do have sex it is more special. If however you are bothered with the lack of sex then you need to tell him that you have a higher sex drive and would like it a bit more often (without wanting to put pressure on) and of coarse see how he feels with it all. With regards to him not being an oggly person, I would take that as a compliment that he doesn't feel the need to look. As far as not watching porn is concerned, I have found ther are a lot of men who are actually put off by it as it can make them feel inadiquate, in much the same way as it does some women. The other important thing is that if he has always been like this with exes as well then it is probably just the way he is.

[winegirl]

We have had sex twice in 18 months (that is down to me though and the PNI) so you really are not alone!

[faith31]

My husband commented last night on how little we have sex...but what does he expect with 4 kids ....

love faith xxx

[Veritee]

Well I do not think you are not normal at all, nor is your husband for not needing to look at porn or oggle etc.

We did not have sex hardly ever, for years when I had PNI, and my husband missed it a little - but he missed it with me, not sex just for sex

and he has never bothered to look at porn etc or even masturbated ( maybe this is too much information, sorry - but really no, he did and does not hardly at all, or look at porn, we have been together almost 25 years married for 20 and we really do share everything about ourselves!!

In fact as he is a seaman who is away for up to 3 months at a time and with some very frustrated men who talk about nothing else sometimes on board ship and there is lots of porn on board, I actually worry that I know he does not even masturbate much if at all when he is away - and never has .

As I know that it is good to practice as it can make it better when you are with someone, and more likely you will want it when you do have a partner.

But when I had PNI and a young child to look after, I was not interested hardly at all - and as I was not on medication it was not this, and many couples I know who did not have PNI say that it was like this for them when their children were young. Barry was also concerned for me and did not want to do anything I would not want as he knew how much I was struggling. We did have a bit of an argument one time when he first got home from months at sea , more because he was so much a stranger I did not even want to cuddle him at first, but mostly it was fine

However before I had Caja I loved sex and do again now even though I am 54.

Barry is less likely to want it as often as me in fact - and I do put this down in part to the way he puts sex right out of his mind when her goes away to sea, as he feels if it is not with me he just can't be bothered ( but he has always been lazy and laid back about sex)

But he understands I like it and so does he when we do it so its fine for us now.

But when I had PNI and I was not interested and if he was it did not bother him enough to make any sort of issues about it

I too used to worry too that we were not normal

But we of course are - and in fact although it is against how most people view sex I have found that now we are older it is much better and many of my friends in their 50s and 60s have said the same too!!
Now that their children are grown up and they are less stressed and have more time for each other - they have more time for sex and enjoying each other.

So I really would not worry about it at all.
As long as you both are OK with it, then it is fine.

You say you are still intimate
'we cuddle and we are affectionate snuggling and stuff'

This seems very healthy to me and no need to worry at all.

If you do actually want to have sex now and again yourself ?

You may have to be a bit more assertive with him as she sounds like Barry- happy to cuddle if that is all you want.
When I was mostly 'off sex' on the very rare occasions I did want it i did have to make it very clear to him that tonight I wanted sex and not just a cuddle!!

So if you do want to persuade him , maybe try being quite direct about it? It worked for me

But otherwise you are fine

Love Veritee

[marion]

Try not to worry. As the others have said a drop in the sex life is perfectly natural. I bet you are too knackered looking after the little one to worry too much about sex!
Love
Marion.

[Veritee]

Yes I agree Marion - this is exactly right! I felt like this for years.

I don't anymore but then I have no young children to look after and most of the time I only have to bother about looking after me .

So it is not surprising I feel different now.

But when you are running around after babies and young children , sex is the last thing on your mind - and often surprisingly for men as well as women

[nishka]

You are soo not alone. Me and hubby have been together coming on to 5 years now and we are lucky if we have sex once every 3 or 4 months! We do go through spells of having more sex (this month twice! Wahey!) but sometimes its the last thing on our mind and we don't have sex at all or even think about it! I don't think its thats unusual... I think the media wants everyone to think we're at it all the time but in reality I think thats prob only a small number of people - prob those youngsters without kids or PNI!

Don't worry about it. I for one think its normal anyway and if its not then me and hubby are weird too. xx

[chelle2467]

no im in the same boat as you hun. me and hubby have been together for a little over 5 years now, married for 2 of them and have 2 children. one of them i didnt even want cos she was a girl (the 2nd and im sure she knows it, despite being 6 months old)

hubby sometimes makes me feel like i havent given it to him in years, but just dont feel up to it any more. i try to explain its the PNI and that he was the same when he was on anti depressants and felt suicidal but all i got back was "well it was different then" why?? because it was him not wanting it. i also get from him "but you always blame the depression, most of the time i just feel like you dont love me anymore" which really pisses me off i can tell you. then he goes on about divorcing me for some reason or another. yes he is only joking and we both know it, but deep down, esp the amount of times he keeps going an about it i just wanna slap him as it really hurts.

but as for not having sex, i just feel bored most of the time now! i thinkw eh ave it about once a month or once every two months if i can be bothered but im really not interested. i try to get him to look at porn or just "help himself" as it were, but it says he wont because it is too disrespectful. at least if he is doing it himself i wont have to bother hahahaha plus it is really hard for me to want to do anything in this place anyway as we only have one bedroom and that is the only room with heating so of course, the front room is freezing cold so i just wanna wrap up under a blanket with a book or at the computer while he works!!!