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Post by lesley on Feb 14, 2005 13:20:10 GMT
hi jennie there have been long streches when i have been well and positive but this when im on medication.as soon as come off within 6-8 mths the feelings start to slowly creep back.i did have pni with my first daughter but hid it from everyone but felt terrible inside and i dont think it really went before my secound daughter came. throughout the 2nd pregancy i had frequent panic attacks but didnt tell anyone about these.it was when india was 8 mths old that it hit me like a ton of bricks.wow i had it all every symptom i have read i had the worse was the unwanted thoughts they were horrendous something i wouldnt wish on anyone.and here i am still having the odd blip but each blip feels as bad as it did in the beginning the only difference is that i know it will pass ,but i wish they didnt happen at all. still very scary when it happens. xxxx
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Post by Veritee on Feb 14, 2005 16:05:02 GMT
Dear Leslie As I said before Leslie - the horrible thoughts were for me the worse part of PNI. I will move some of the posts on this to the those dreaded thoughts section, so you can read them here: veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=thoughtsveritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=890veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=812veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=812veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=839veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&n=1&thread=176Some of these threads have tips for getting through the thoughts. As I said to you I also had PNI for a long time which is why I started this site. Although because I never had another baby I would say I am over the actual illness of PNI, I have to say that I am not over PNI itself and it has left me with some ongoing issues , and I know I am not alone in this. The reason I do not mention this or try to minimise the fact that this is how it is for me, and I have been in contact with many women who like you and Jennie their PNI just carries on ( as I believe it would have for me had I had another child, I know longer have the thoughts generally but I am not certain I would not if I agian had another small vulnerable baby/child to look after - and I do get what I call flash backs of them from time to time when stressed) especially those who had further babies before they were perhaps fully better after the first boat of PNI. Cara Aitkins who wrote the book I contributed to was still sufferign long term problems when I was last in touch with her, and I have spoken to many others. Is for 3 reasons: I am I think in the category of my PNI being partly triggered by having a young dependant child to care for. Whether that is independent of hormones and other factor around giving birth I do not know, but I am absolutely sure that for me my PNI only went fully partly because Caja grew up and in certain ways because impendent from me and I had no other younger child to care for. I do not know if anything I have said will be of help, but I think what I am tryng to say is I know you are not alone in this and while many recover quite quickly their are others who suffer for some years. This does not mean you will not get better eventually - I know you will. Despite believing that for some women - and more than you would guess at - PNI lasts much longer than is generally thought to be the case, and that having it for a long time can leave you will issues, this does not mean the issues can nto be dealt with and that you will not recover from PNI. It just means it may take longer, you may need support for longer and maybe for many years and that you may have to be proactive in seeking out the support and help/treatment/therapy/counselling that is going to work for you. But you will get there and one day you will be able to look back on this as something that is now in the past. All the best Veritee
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Post by lucy not logged on on Feb 14, 2005 17:41:10 GMT
hi lesley
just wanted to say hi and to let you know i can relate to your story i have 4 children and have had pni with all of them most serverely with last two but ultimately worst because i didnt get the right treatment from the beginning over 12 yrs ago. BUT
please dont lose heart it is possible to recover, find a counsellor and a dr who you can trust and just allow yourself the opportunity to take away the power of the thoughts , it is amazing how much better you can feel when FEAR is gone, its something i struggle with but i have determination this time to beat it.
i have found some really great support and help this time through friends both near and far so reach out and know you are certainly not the only long term sufferer out there i'm sure there are many thousands of US who pretend for far TO long , so welcome and i hope we can help you
cheers
lucy
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Feb 14, 2005 18:05:06 GMT
I find being able to verbalise the thoughts actually takes the strength of them away. When left in my head they totally wreck all thinking and my perspective of the world. By saying them or writing them out helps me see that it's the depression filling my head with negativity.
I have only just realised that these blips aren't perminant and that in itself is quite empowering in it self....Everytime I went down I thought this is where I'm supposed to be,I'm this rubbish person.
My plan is to build myself up so that the next blip(cos I'm sure it'll come again)isn't such a shock.
keep posting and talking...I relate to so much that your saying.
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Post by lesley on Feb 14, 2005 20:45:26 GMT
dear lucy and jennie thankyou for reading my posts it helps to know that other people are in the same boat. i had counselling for about 10 mths and i found it great it really helped but because i felt better we decided i didnt need to any more do you think it would help if i started it again? lucy how do you get through 12 years you deserve a medal i hope its not all been bad?today hasnt been to bad i think the cloud is lifting (god i hope so anyway).i got some lovely flowers of my husband for valentines day they were a lovely surprise and that makes the day seem brighter anyway hope to talk to you tomorrow take care love to you all and keep fighting on .xxxx lesley
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jennie
Full member
2 bubs,9 and 4,better though still struggle.
Posts: 59
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Post by jennie on Feb 14, 2005 21:51:51 GMT
I've had counselling after Isabelle was born and then went for CAt...Cognative Analytical Therapy.I still think bake to what I learnt and my gp has refered me again for therapy. I'm nowhere near as bad as I have been but need to look at why I keep spiralling down. Counselling tends to run in 6 sessions(the 6th as a review time)though tends to be client based and go at their pace. Even cousellors see a counsellor and maybe it's a "top up" you need. i'm also looking into finding a depression support group for myself,and have found one (could have gon to a meeting on Friday....but only got the phone call on Thursday so it seemed too soon!)I need to ring back to ask for a one to one first,not a room with 10 to 15 people and me just walking in off the street!
I also realise that I need my meds long term.
anyway I've gone on a lot,and you have to look at what is right for you as we are all so different. take care Lesley
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Post by lesley on Feb 15, 2005 22:27:02 GMT
hi anyone around today has been much better hardly any bad thoughts. going back to what jennie said about analysing every thing .this is so true of me i think to deep into things ,feel guilty about have i done the right thing and worry about what people think of me. anyone relate to this . sometimes i wish i could be normal what ever that is!i find using this site extremly reassuring that im not the only woman to experience these things . take care love Lesley xxxx
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collette
Senior Member
Jacob will be a year on the 1st September!!
Posts: 248
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Post by collette on Feb 15, 2005 22:59:33 GMT
hi lesley
i only joined this forum a week or so ago and have been posting loads. i find it very therapeuticand a good way to air my feelings other than letting my thoughts get out of control.
i know what you mean by analysing and thinking too deeply about things, i do that and did even when i was "well". i get so paranoid about other people judging me as a mum etc.
love collettex
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Post by wendabell on Feb 16, 2005 8:23:35 GMT
lesley, i think we analise too much. i for one keep thinking im not all hat bad and im not really ill just a crap and twisted person.Its all part of the illness though and we will get through this and glad that you joined us here.just keep posting as it does help to see it all written down and puts things in perspective.
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