PARANOIA ...

[gail]

is this a normal symptom of PNI. lately i am paranoid about everything. here is a list of things i think at the moment.

paranoid that my boyfriend is having an affair

paranoid that my friends think im weird/dont like me anymore only tolerate me, to the point that now im scared to tell them how im feeling as i dont want to lose them because of this.

paranoid that my best friends fiance thinks i fancy him/ or i made a pass at him when we were out

paranoid that my daughter will be a victim of cot death (and generally everything surrounding my daughter)

paranoid that i am doomed to die soon

paranoid that i am annoying everyone on the forum

that when i am out, everyone can see that i am ill and are watching me when im in shops

that people can see what im thinking

that i ama laughing stock, i used to always pull funny stunts especially when on a night out, and often revelled being the centre of attention but when i tried to do the same the other night i felt humiliated and made a quick departure. it actually made me feel AWFUL so so bad. i squirted breast milk at my friend and i really thought it would be funny and everyone else was laughing so much but i feel so rotten about it.

i am actually creating scenarios in my head that im sure didnt happen but not convinced, like i dont know whether i dreamed it or not.

that i said the worst things to by best friends new fiance like i secretly fancied him or that i really didnt like my best friend and only tolerate her,

i saw them yesterday and they said i didnt but i think they are only pretending, to protect my feelings or my frinds boyfriend is like nudge nudge wink wink but im sure i didnt say anything - i would never do that i love my best friend but i suppose im thinking of the worst possible thing i could do and imagining that i did it - like posting on here and saying awful things about everyone that i dont mean or telling everyone in the pub that im thinking about committing suicide (which i definately am not - im petrified of death and dying)

i check the morning after as i am nevr completely sure.

this has been sparked on by getting drunk. if i didnt get so drunk none of this would have happened but i deserve to let my hair don i think its just that i cant enjoy it anymore because of PNI. i was having a good night its just the morning after. the aftermath as my boyfrind says.

anyway -does anyone else feel this way?
i know im being irrational but cant help it!

gail
xxx

[cheshire]

Dear Gail

I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN
I think I have a 'paranoid' thread somewhere on here too..

I can identify with all of these in your list - it is much improved now, but I remember it well..although I am still prone to this.

paranoid that my boyfriend is having an affair

paranoid that my friends think im weird/dont like me anymore only tolerate me, to the point that now im scared to tell them how im feeling as i dont want to lose them because of this.

paranoid that my best friends fiance thinks i fancy him/ or i made a pass at him when we were out

paranoid that my daughter will be a victim of cot death (and generally everything surrounding my daughter)

paranoid that i am doomed to die soon

paranoid that i am annoying everyone on the forum

that when i am out, everyone can see that i am ill and are watching me when im in shops

that people can see what im thinking

that i ama laughing stock

Got to go but I'm sure the others will have expereinced this too

Love Hopefulxxxxxxxxx

[susanneb1984]

Hiya hunni,

I know what you mean, I've had a recent problem with my partner, thinking he was having an affair, which doesn't help as since we got back from a few days away, he's been really quiet with me, and said he 'needed' to get out yesterday, as the kids were irratating him. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, we only picked them up on tuesday night. Yes they can irratate me, but I deal with it.

I often worry that I'm boring everyone on here, that in comparison, my problems seem so trivial. But then I also know that everyone on here will support me, even if things are trivial.

I get paranoid that people are staring at me, that they think I'm fat, or ugly, or can tell I have problems. I often worry that when the HV comes round, she will think I don't love my children and take them away.

I think it's a pretty common problem, especially with pni.

I hope things start to get better, I keep trying to tell myself that people stare because I'm gorgeous, and that Alan would be a plank to have an affair, and that no one thinks I'm boring! lol I should start saying it to me in the morning, I think they are called affirmations.

Susanne
xxxx

[yoyo]

Paranoid - that was me, still me from time to time a little bit but not like I was when really ill with PNI.

I think PNI can make us obsessive/paranoid/and unconfident and this comes out in many ways . It does ease so try to roll with it and not think too deep about it all, I know it's hard to do but if you can it does help. You don't actually feel or believe all of these things but they feel so real in your head. I found I doubted myself - did I really believe anyone anymore - then thought but how canI I trust my gut feeling (as I always had done) if it's so muddled?

It is quite normal to be paranoid with PNI - horrid as it is - it does seem to be part of the illness for many with PNI. For me too x

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[gail]

thanks for all your replies

it seems it is a common theme with PNI. im not so bad about the cleaning now, that was when i was pregnant ! i thought i was turning into my mum -everything had to be perfectly clean and i threw lots of stuff away - somethimes even my boyfriends paperwork that was important. i was obsessed with germs also (still am) and cross-contamination thinking things like how can you mop the floor and expect it to be clean as the mop must have germs on it, or the dishcloth, my hands it drove me mad, but then when i was very acutely ill i could not comprehend/ think about that so luckily i had my mum to help.

then i was so anxious making a cup of tea was agonising so most of the days i just sat in the same place staring into space and feeling dreadful.

then health (mainly mine) as i was convinced i was going to die in labour and ,never get to meet my daughter, then my daughters (ive always felt guilty about this worrying about me and not being able to think about my daughter as i was too anxious to).

then paranoid about the illness itself and my behaviour/ thoughts of harming my baby and myself/ partner

now im paranoid about other things as ive listed above. im glad (although it sounds awful) that im not alone in this although i would never wish this on anyone, but it seems i cannot distinguish between the truth and my imagination.

ANY TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE PARANIOA LADIES? :[

gail
xx

[lisauk]

Oh my god, yes I have Paranoia!

I hate going out because when someone looks at me I think they are thinking that I am irresponsible and a bad mother. I always worry that I have offended someone and as soon as someone doesn't text me back I worry I have annoyed them or they are sick of me. I sometimes worry about my partner having affairs but that seems to have died down now. I just hate it. I do not know how to manage it but well you just got to live life how you usually would. Don't do what I did before and don't venture out because of it! Lisa x

[noodles]

I suffer really bad from paranoia as well, i have done alot of drugs in my past (not now thank god) so i have suffered on and off with paranoia, i also have nightmares that my husband is having affairs, it's been going on so long now that it has become a bit of a joke, i think the best way to cope with it is as yo yo said just try not to think!! or to keep telling your self that it's just the illness and you know what is right and wrong!!! it's really hard but it works for me!!! also i wear sunglasses when i go out then people can't see my eyes, and i feel can't tell im ill!!! hope this helps noodles xxx

[hannah457]

hi
i know what you mean i seem to get paranoid over everything.
i always worried about my kids do they look nice, have they eaten enough, whys my partner taking ages at the shop.
silly things that wouldn't have bothered me before i got ill.
why does paranoia set in when you got pni

Hannah xx

[cheshire]

Hi Hannah,

I've replied on this thread already - & I know exactly what you mean

I have had to continue to work on the paranoia - but it does improve once you know it's a symptom/ effect of PNI

Mine does revolve quite a lot at the moment around words people say and use...

But it does improve a bit all the time
Hopeful