Your uprbringing and PNI

[marion]

My hubby thinks that the way my mum treated me growing up is a contributing factor subconsiously (cant spell) to me having a pni.

My mum was never loving torwards me - I cant even remember her ever saying I love you as I was growing up and was never a huggy mum/loving mum. She was always there to take me places (like she is now - her way I think of showing love and support I think now) like ballet or music lessons but never showed me any affection. She never does now either. Please dont get me wrong - she has been supportive throughout my illness in her own way but not in a 'loving' way - it's always the practical things she does like giving me lifts to and from hospital.

Mark says that he has seen me be like this with Chloe, particularly when I was at my worst times.

I just wondered if anyone else thought that upbringing and lack of 'showed' love can contribute towards pni.

Interested in anyone's views on this.

Love
Marion.

[gizmoracer]

Thats an interesting thought!

Though from how you have written this it seems to me as though you still felt/feel loved by your Mum dispite her not being the huggy type. Personally I think it is nateral for you to show a similar form of affection with Chloe as to you it is the norm. I think if you have felt loved yorself then really it can't be a contributing factor. I have come from the opposite background, my mum was always hugging and kissing me as a child (same as the rest of the family) and we are still very close now. I am the same with my 2, probably to an extreme if I'm honest. Yet both you and I suffer. So like I said interesting thought.

[caterina]

Hi Marion
Not sure about this one, my mum sounds similar to yours, not the huggy kissy type and I don't think she's ever said she loves me but I know she does. Maybe its a cultural thing? We are not renowned in the NE of Scotland for being affectionate and expressing our feelings , perhaps the complete opposite?!?
But I'm not like that with my daughter, I'm always kissing and hugging her and I tell her at least once a day that I love her. I'm heavily influenced by my partner's family who are very affectionate (which does make me uncomfortable at times!) but I would like my daughter to have this different upbringing. No idea if it had anything to do with PNI but an interesting thought! xx

[marion]

I'm like you Caretina - I try and hug and kiss Chloe as much as I can and tell her mummy loves her a couple of times a day. I tried to do this when I was really ill too but there were times when I couldnt. When I was away in hospitl I would always get my hubby to give Chlo a kiss from me and tell her that mummy loves her as he was putting her to bed.

I know my mum loves me she just doesnt ever show it in a physical way or say it.

[caterina]

Hi Marion
My OH thinks I'm a total nutbag because I have to tell V I love her before I go out anywhere in case I don't come back! That's not me being morbid, I just would like to think that if I had an accident or something then the last thing I said was I love you! Maybe a little strange that I do it when I put her down for the night because I'm still a bit freaked about cot death though! (I've said it before but she'll be in a grobag til she's 30!) xx

[winegirl]

my parents never told me that they loved me verbally or physically. I knw that they do they just never showed it.

I kiss my little girl and tell her I love her all the time, I couldn't imagine being any other way.

[helenr]

Hi Marion,

would have to disagree on this one. I was brought up in a very close knit, verbally loving family.

I do agree with everyone else though about their reactions to their kids. I have always been touchy feely anyway, but I think the guilt post PNI, and missing out on their early days, makes it even more important to make sure they know how much they're loved.

But, my upbringing had nothing to do with me developing PNI.
love and hugs x