kids can drive you nuts!!!

[Vonda]

Hi all

I just wanted to start a new thread about problems with your kids. Sorry if it's in the wrong section but I didn't know where it should go.

Anyway, my daughter is driving me crazy. My PNI is much better but I am starting to slip a little. Not enough to worry too much but enough to notice the difference. My problem is that Jo is nearly 18 months and has turned into a small monster in a childs clothes! As a first time parent, I haven't a clue what to do - it's not like anyone prepares you for this before you have kids. Jo is now into everything. I think that her new mission in life is to see how much she can wind me up. She doesn't do as she's told and is forever climbing up everything, like she climbs up the sofa so that she can press the buttons on the cd player. Nothing I seem to do works. As soon as I turn my back, she goes straight back to whatever she was doing. She is forever switching the tv on and off - I think that I will need a new button if she keeps it up. She has also started throwing things. And she throws tantrums.

Don't get me wrong - I love her to bits and she does have her angelic moments. I know that some of it is for attention but knowing that doesn't make me want to tear my hair out any less!!! Is there anyone else who has the same sort of problems and if so, what worked for you?

I feel better now I have had a good rant and she looks angelic now that she's asleep!

Vonda

[banana]

Hi vonda,

Isabelle is much younger than your little one but babies and children are great at getting what they want and knowing what to do to wind you up.

I can relate to what you are saying though as I have 2 younger brothers ( 10 & 8 ). I can remember only too well how much of a pain in the arse they were! Constantly getting up to mischief,
not listening when you tell them 'NO', just generally driving whoever they could mad - I think its some sort of bug they catch between say 1-5 and after that you start gaining a bit of control back again. Time out can work quite well, dont kow if you have tried that approach. If you tell her NO and she still continues then a time out can work well. 2 mins at a time put her in her room after she misbehaves and then let her out to do something like colouring or watching a video etc.... its only a suggestion ( it might not be what you want to do ) but I have seen it work. Eventually she should realsie that when mummy says NO........... she means it.

Hope things get better soon, just breathe - deep breaths!!

Lana x

[annag]

Hi Vonda
You have my sympathies entirely I found that age with my elder two the most tryinf time. I thoroughly recommend a book called Toddler Taming byDr Christopher Green, I know self help books are a bit naff but this one is really good and his advice really works and makes you feel you are not alone.
I found the only way to stop mine from fiddling with things I did not want them to touch was to move them out the way. My house looks like I have embraced ikea minimalism but I havent it's like that for my sanity. I also have locks on all cupboards I don't want oppening and my bedroom door etc it just stops the constant no, no ,no which really wears you down. I lock my bedroom from the outside high up to stop them trashing the room and the hallway door to stop them escaping.

Hope this helps, this stage will pass.


Anna

[time]

I dont know if you remember but i used to find a certain child of mine perched on the back of the sofa trying to play with the stereo buttons. I was always terrified that she would fall and had images of coming into the living room to find two little legs sticking up from behind the chair. Anyway, what i did is to put the stereo away for a while and just made do with a little cheep crappy cd/radio in the interim. Needless to say my stereo is still in full working order - granted several years old now- and my children dont bother with it.

As for the throwing of the tantrum - when she starts stuff her in the travel cot and walk away. If need be put a pram in the hall and put her in there so that she is on her own with no toys and noones attention. As Lana said a couple of minutes will do. Also use a firmer tone with your voice. Failing that send her round to me and i will sort her out ;D i have somehow developed the knack of telling her off without raising my voice and she puts her head down and walks away. I am just auntie nasty reincarnate

Failing that you can always give me a ring for a rant.

[Jane]

Hiya Vonda,
My heart goes out to you hun! I have 2 boys who are now nearly 4 & 6 & they are typical boys!
In reply to your post I must say I think it must be a stage all children go through around that age, some earlier or slightly later. I've had it with both boys.
They also have a knack of knowing exactly what winds you up & how to get your attention! Alot of it is to see how far they can push you & what they can get!!! Even though some aren't talking they really aren't daft & know exactly what they are doing, & which buttons to press!
I use to put things where I thought they couldn't get to them, oh but they did. You want to scream I know. I resorted to putting them in a play pen, just for a short while with toys & other activities. I had the tantrums & tears but tried to make them underrstand the word No! & who was in charge, & they weren't going to get the better of me. Then I'd take a few minutes out with a cup of tea & then take them out & try again. I'm not saying its a solution for your little girl, but anythings worth a try till she grows out of it, & she will.
Anyway I hope I've helped, even if you know that they all do it to us at some stage.
Take care hun & let us know how you are doing babe,
Love Jane xxx

[supernature]

I sympathise completely, i've recently worked out how to get control of my little boy.

It's quite simple, he has a favourite toy and if he's naughty then i threaten to take the toy away, and if he goes too far i do take it and put it on top of my wardrobe and if he continues his next favourite toy is on the hit list... so far I have not had to resort to taking the second toy, he always calms down and promises to behave (depends on circumstance how long it lasts), but generally he understand, be naughty = having something nice taken away, be good = keeping fav toy and getting a treat too.

He's older than your child though, nearly 3, so it may not work for you, but something to keep in mind for later perhaps.

[Vonda]

Thanks for all the replies. It is very tempting to drop Jo off at Time's house until she is about 18!!!! I have read the book Toddler Taming but I get the feeling that maybe Jo should read it then I might have more luck. Failing that, I might consider throwing at her!! Just kidding.

The little angel decided to throw a paddy this morning and she did it with style. She decided to bang her head on the floor in temper. Under my carpets, I have concrete floors, so it hurt. She has a lovely red bump on her head and a swollen nose. It looks like I have been beating her up.

I have always thought that I should move some of my stuff out of her way, but that she should learn to not touch when she's told. Unfortunately, that's really not working so I think that I will have to go with Anna's and Time's suggestions and just clear everything out. Failing that, I could just glue her shoes to the floor. I really wonder if people knew what they where in for before they had children, would they still go ahead with it! I was considering another baby but I don't know if I could cope with 2 monsters instead of one!!!!!!!

Vonda

[Jane]

Hi Vonda,
Sorry, just read your last post & had me in stitches!
You're right bout having more. My 2 boys are more than a handful, although I did consider having another, but changed my mind...didn't take much!!
Love Jane x

[time]

Vonda Vonda Vonda did you not learn from my children. :DYou had enough experience woith them before Jo came along and so i have no sympathy on that score - take note of little sister's bald head from where she has pulled all of her hair out in frustration with the kids ;D

Anyway i would love my house to have the minimalistic look. My hubby says my ideal living room would include a stereo, one chiar (for me and a tv. I cant see anything wrong with that, it has to be better than the war zone impression of my house now ;D

[Veritee]

Hi

I of course have been though a lot of what you all describe - Caja was so ace at throwing tantrums when she went through the tantrum stage I could not hold onto her. I once had to put her on the dirty floor in a market ( safer than keeping her in her buggy as she kept throwing herself out of it) and stand there in embarrassment while she screamed herself out of it - awful and this was just one occasion.

But they always know how to press your buttons, even from before they can talk right to adulthood.

Caja has always managed to do the things that will get me the most and is still doing it at 15.

Having been a youth worker most of my life I can cope well with the sorts of things most parents of teenagers find difficult, i.e. the prospect of alcohol and drugs, boyfriends, sex and pregnancy, all night parties, her choice of clothes etc

(but she has no desire at all to take drugs even though if you walk past the school at kicking out time the smell of cannabis is so strong, she only drinks the odd one to be sociable, she is very sensible about sex, and I often host her all night parties and my house)

But I have a few bottom lines which I need her to meet. These have changed over the years as she has got older.
I remember when she was young one was for her to go to playgroup/nursery and later primary school without complaint as I had to go on to work and I did not want to be late or arrive stressed.

And yet this was for years the only thing she would not do she either cried or got angry yet as soon as I left apparently she was fine - but I would go to work in a right state.

Now my rules are:

she looks after herself a bit which means tidying her room, cooking snacks and washing the dishes after, doing some of her washing etc this is very important since I have been disabled as I really struggle to do household tasks

- that she gets up on time and gets on the school bus without me having to have anything to do with it as if I have to give her a lift this affects my whole day and I get very stressed if I have to push anyone in the morning

and she does not cheek me.

Well she has reluctantly complied till recently but what she has done over the last 8 weeks my husband is away, but miss the school bus every day, and this is after I have been behind her every minute to try to get her up and ready

Her room is a tip and she does no housework at all and never washes up and expects me to provide all the food even a sandwich.

and she has been cheeking me

I have taken action and this is now getting better but is has been a struggle

I know why it is becasue she is stressed as she is in the final months of her GCSEs

But she has picked as usual all the things that will get to me most.
But I love her to bits.

All the best

Veritee

[Vonda]

I finally gave up last night and moved my stereo out of the room. I now have an old portable cd radio instead. It doesn't sound as good but at least I am not having to yell at Jo for pressing the buttons! Unfortuately, it has also meant that I have had to move my furniture around to stop Jo getting to the sockets and the lamp switch. I have always loved cuddling up on the sofa with hubby but now we are stuck with an armchair each. It's not the same but at least I might retain some of my sanity!

Time came round with her kids today and all of them played in the garden on the swings. Jo has mastered the baby slide (sort of) and is now determined to tackle the bigger one. She gets very cranky if you try to help her but she might fall and break her neck if you don't. She has some more funny spots today. They look like tiny chicken pox but we are not sure what they are. Even Time wasn't sure and she's an expert in chicken pox!!!!! Jo's temperature has gone up too so I will be keeping a close eye on her too. I'll check her temperature again in a couple of hours and see what the spots are like in the morning. She has enjoyed playing with the kids though. Today was a little easier.

Vonda

[rach]

hi vonda

are the spots on hands feet and in mouth as my son has not long had hand foot and mouth disease.

he also couldn't eat, but they did not apear itchy
the gp said that its rife at the moment

love rach

[Vonda]

Hi all

I bought myself a cheap mini system today cos I can keep it away from Jo and it sounds better than the other one I have been using. It was less than £20 from Asda and I am pleased with it, mostly cos it's so small and Jo can't get to it.

Time's kids have been round again today. I have had a houseful of spotty children and it's official, Jo has chicken pox.

Vonda

[time]

I have to echo the title of the thread only with a bit of a difference - My kids can drive you nuts!!!! My middle chit has taken to sulking bit style. The slightest thing can have her on thelfloor in a heap with her head buried in the carpet. I have started putting her in the hall as i am pretty sure it is done for attention. i think she spent more time in Vonda's hall today than she did anywhere else! ???She is really winding everyone up but i have to say that i was very good, i hardly raised my voice at all and just escorted her out into the hall to sulk and said that she could come back in when she had stopped it. This was met by crying which means that it was working at least, and sure enough she soon stopped the sulking. Granted she was out there several times but hey ho. I can tune her out but she was winding the other children up not to mention Vonda and her hubby. Hopefully she will grow out of it soon - fingers crossed