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Post by noodles on Apr 18, 2006 7:49:37 GMT
every thing had been building up over the last week about going up to london to visit my husbands aunt who is still on life support, she is having a brain scan today as if she does survive they think that she will basicly brain dead!!! and my husband has issues with that part of london as when he lived there before he got mugged on a sunday afternoon and no one helpped!!! (hence he has suffered depression before) and it's the first time he has been back and it's been 9 years!!!! i didn't really want to go as i was tired, and lyla would be in the car for 10 hours, poor little thing!!! the day started off really bad, my hubby rushing me so much so that when we got half way up the motor way we had forgotton all the bottles!!!! as you can imagine it was a crap journey only one word answers to each other, bad feeling, on the way back it got bad and i was planning in my head to go and stay at my mums, i have really bad pmt so normally i would back down and smooth things over but yesterday i was gunning for a fight as well, although we don't fight we have a silence stand off!!!! once we had got home though tensions had cooled off a bit and we talked for ages, he addmitted that he has been a bit of a twit at the mo and agreed that i am doing to much and not getting better!! last night he got up with lyla and as soon as we have some money i can go on a spa weekend and get pampered!!!! so i feel a bit brighter today after the week from hell!!! after i posted a couple of days ago and i said that i needed to cry i did and have only just about stopped, great release just a bit annoying as i can't seem to have a conversation without blubbing!!!! this probably makes no sence but i felt the need to get it out!!!! x
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Post by marion on Apr 18, 2006 8:38:24 GMT
Hi Noodles Glad things are a little easier today - sounds like you've had a rough weekend! Spa weekend sounds great though - think it's really important to have little things to get excited about and to look forward too. Love Marion.
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Post by noodles on Apr 19, 2006 18:57:24 GMT
went to the doctors again today, nothing to report, just gotta keep plodding, feel really tired so gonna have an early night!!!! night all.... xxx
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Post by monica on Apr 19, 2006 19:38:31 GMT
Hi
Take care and take it easy if you can.
monica
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Post by noodles on Apr 20, 2006 10:25:56 GMT
had an early night and was asleep by 9 which is amazing lyla woke up a couple of times but nothing to much, so all in all i had more sleep than usual and i still feel like crap, gonna try it again tonight and i am going to my mums for the weekend as my hubby has to go to london again, just phoned up the place where i got that job, they said that it would be a couple of weeks but i feel that going back to work will help loads!!! im fed up of having no money and no life, so i think by going to work i can take back some control!!!! can't wait to have a bit of extra cash to spend on me!!!!! plus i don't know about any thing else but i think that my whole situation adds to my illness!!!! i have gone from totally free and mega busy too- doing and achieving nothing, i know that bringing up my child is the most important thing in the world but i feel that i am doing and going no where and i have far to much time to feel sorry for my self, and i have to much time to think!!!!! was thinking that maybe some of it is because i am bored and lonely?!?!?! i have always had people around me, i.e living in shared houses, working in pubs or going to college!!!! and now i spend all day by myself and alot of it of me not going out is because i feel that we can 't afford it, it's the first time in my life i have had no money of my own and i don't like it!!!! this is why i feel that i am not getting any better, as the root cause is not getting any better, i.e i have lost control of my life!!!!
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Post by marion on Apr 20, 2006 14:32:59 GMT
Noodles! I SO know where you're coming from!!!!!! When I was working I thought being at home with a little baby would be great and i was all I wanted for months and months, but now I'm doing I actaully want to be back at work - something I thought Iwould NEVER say! When I broke up for maternity leave I didnt want to go back at all. I'm used to being really busy all day running around and although looking after a baby is hard work it's different. It's not really the money side for me (although we do need it!) but I feel like every day is the same and, as mean as this sounds, I get bored! I have too much time to think about things which I'm sure makes me worse. I start back at work in sept, 3 days a week, term time only. I am really scared about going back to all the responsibilty again and mixing with people and going out etc but although it will be really hard (which I must prepare for) I do think it will ultmately do me some good. What job are you going to do? Do you know when you start? Love Marion.
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Post by noodles on Apr 20, 2006 15:52:26 GMT
i hope to start in the next couple of weeks, in the past i have done loads of stuff but ever since i was 18 i have worked in bars, at one point i was managing a big night club in brighton, also have done loads of waitressing and have worked in an office, so this time i have gone for waitressing/bar work in a timeshare place, i can do bar standing on my head so i won't have to learn any thing new and i can talk to people... ahhh i miss people!!!! i love my husband but most days he's the only person i speak to!!! i thought that i could be like i was before but just with a little bundle that would come ever where with me, but it's not and i have lost all my independence!!! what did you do? wow sept, that's a long time away...... x
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Post by marion on Apr 20, 2006 16:23:33 GMT
I'm an exams officer in a secondary school so deal with monsterous teenagers but luckily I'm not in the classroom with them as that's wherre the real hell is!!!! I broke up at the end of July last year - had 6 weeks of restful bliss - napping in the afternoon, eating loads....before Chloe came along!!!! No one really prepares you for what its REALLY like having a baby - went to 3 parenting classes(all that were available) none of which really prepared you for how it is once you get the baby home - the lonliness/how hard it really is! I find it so hard to amuse a 7 mth old in the day - find it hard to think of things to do especailly when feeling bad! What part of Devon are you in - Mark's parents are from Exter and his sister lives in Luxborough near Minehead - beautiful part of the country - wish I lived there - we're stuck in the west mids about 10 miles from Birmingham.
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Post by noodles on Apr 20, 2006 16:35:57 GMT
i live near bude (which is north cornwall) yea it's nice but there isn't that much to do... we only had 1 parent class, and i know exactly what you mean... nothing could prepare me for what life would be like!!!!! it's such hard work!!! it's just constant 24/7 i just feel i never get any time off!!!! and yea i am soooo lonely!!!! and it's worse when the weather is crap, my nearest shops (clothes shops etc) are around 30 miles away except for tesco which is 15 miles away!!! i thought that being a mum was going to be easy, but bloody hell!!!! i feel like i have lost my identity and i am trying to do the "mum" roll but i guess it just doesn't suit my personality!!! do you think that it is the same for you? i think it's why i love this site, not just for the support but for contact with the out side world!!! xxx
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Post by marion on Apr 20, 2006 16:43:53 GMT
I'm the same - find this site such a lifeline - dont really have many firends (sad I know) so talking to people on here makes me feel like I've had some adult complany! I thought I'd be great as a mum and it would suit me but I think I need more struture in my day. One of the probs for me is that youcant really plan your day although it is getting easier now. You cant plan as you never know when they'll want food etc and my day at work was always so planned each day and always so busy that normally I wouldnt even get time for lunch! I have shops locally but I dont drive so I'm stuck on the bus which I'm not too good at - having troubles with going outside much at the mo paricularly when there's crowds so am finding it easier to stay in.
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Post by noodles on Apr 21, 2006 8:36:37 GMT
actually had a good nights sleep last night, lyla went to bed at 7.30 and i went at 10.30 heard nothing from her till 6.30 then made her a bottle and she went back to sleep till 8!!!! wow!!! i went and checked on her at 7.30 to make sure she was ok!!! oh joy now watching the tweenies!!! going shopping with my mum later so im looking forward to that, lyla needs new stuff and i need some work stuff.... going to buy me some thing!!! ohhh exciting!!! feel ok today, not happy or any thing but not really bad either!!! defenetly getting stronger!!!! good job!!! xxxx
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Post by cheshire on Apr 21, 2006 20:49:38 GMT
Hi Noodles
Hope the shopping went well - I went today and felt better for itx When do you start back at work?
Love HopefulX
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Post by noodles on Apr 21, 2006 21:07:26 GMT
shopping went ok, got some real bargins, hope to start back soon, really stressed out about money at the mo.... tired after today..... bit down x
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Post by noodles on Apr 22, 2006 6:28:55 GMT
my mum called me at 5 o clock this morning, my dad died last night!!! feeling very numb!!!!
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Post by marion on Apr 22, 2006 7:02:48 GMT
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I'm here to talk if you need me. I lost my dad about 18 mths ago and it was a very difficult time. Thinking of you and your family, Love Marion.
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