Kym's diary

[kym]

Okay, so HV has just left, she says yes, i do have pnd. seeing doc tomorrow, going to mention the ad's I used before can't stand the thought of going through the whole trial and error proccess again, it was a rollercoaster ride, and not a good one.
She's given me some info for my partner to read. Poor bloke, I'm sure he's confused as anything. Just spoke to him and he say's we will get through this. I really hope so, because I don't think I would be able to cope if at the end of this I have ruined my relationship.
Next stop doctors...

[loislane]

Hi Kym,

I felt like that too about my relationship - and i also blamed our daughter, i felt if she hadn't come along i would be fine and we would be fine.

But it sounds like he is really supportive. Try to keep talking, even when it's hard, and you will get through this. And maybe point him in the direction of the partners' section of this forum if he wants to talk to others going through the same thing.

Good luck at the doctors - at least you are on the way to getting some help and getting better.

L
xxx

[kym]

The kids went back to school today. For most of the holidays the older 2 haven't been home anyway, either at my auntie's(they call her nanny-she's great to them) or they have been at their dads.
You would think this might have helped my feeling, but to be honest it gave me more of a reason not to go out or do anything.
So we all got up this morning, new uniforms on,etc. And we walked to school, as we were I looked around at my children, skipping to school and suddenly felt really proud and happy. What is going on? Head is everywhere.
All day yesterday my mood was right down, just couldn't do anything but sob. Until J came in from work, we had a little look through the info the HV gave, together, worked out what of the systoms I was feeling..just to give him an idea, and we looked at some self help stuff, which included a diary, I told him I was doing this plus excersise..I want to start going swimming, find this theraputic.
And eventually my mood lifted..we started dinner together..I haven't had much of an appetite as I have that terrible anxiety stomach pain..but managed to eat a full roast..
The evenings have been the worst for me, with me usually starting an arguement, spoke to HV about this and we thought the reason I was doing this was maybe because I was trying to give myself a reason to cry.
I'm so glad the kids are home and back at school, gives structure to my day, I HAVE to get up I HAVE to make dinner..and eat I HAVE to get dressed. When I don't do these things it gets me down and I feel worse.
Just leaving for doctors..she what she says.

[kym]

Well, back from dr's..she is a lovely woman who has helped very much with a previous problem.
She spoke about making sure I was seeing friends, exercise and talking with close family. Like I said in my last post, I felt a lot better this morning so wasn't in floods of tears, I don't know how this came across but she seemed a little reluctant to give me anti depressants. We were speaking about my previous experience with PND and I mentioned the AD's I was on before. So she said we will start off with a low dose- very low-one 37.5mg Venlaflaxine tab and I'm going back next week, she said we can up the dose if I didn't feel better.
I'm going to be taking it in the evening coz thats when I feel at my worse.
Going to a mother and baby group with an old school friend tomorrow morning, get me out the house and socialising.. dont know how I will feel from one day to the next though

[kym]

Sorry, meant to say thanks for the support Loislane x

[nishka]

Hi Kym
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I think PNI is an illness where your emotions and feelings can be all over the place from one day to the next. Keep talking to your partner, I am sure your relationship will be okay if you keep the lines of communication open. (Not doing this was the biggest mistake I made in my relationship with my now ex - we did split up in the end but this was due to lots of things). Don't worry I am sure it will be ok.
Nishka xxx

[kym]

Thanks Nishka,
moods starting to slowly drop, have managed some housework though.
I always think if I don't do anything in the day, my partner will think Im lazy and useless. He doesn't of course, its just the way I feel. Going to take my first tab in a minute, dr said take them about 5pm might help me sleep too

[winegirl]

Hi Kym

Hope it goes well with meds x Let us know how you get on

Will be thinking about you x

Winegirl x

[kym]

Well, that WAS an experience! Silly silly girl didn't read the leaflet-and can't remeber much of my time when I took them before-all a bit hazy.
Took them on an empty stomach, was cooking dinner for everyone and just felt all dizzy and faint, so had to turn dinner off and lay on the sofa, my eyes were going all blurry, sweaty palms, breathlessness and jaw clentching..it felt like I had an ecsatsy tablet..something I tried a very long time ago, it was awful! And that was one 37.5mg tablet the lowest dose.
Eventually it started to wear off, but in the mean time,the kids had to wait for J to come in from work to finish dinner.
After about 2 hours I felt very happy and warm and started to think about what had happened? I used to take 2 of those a day, I know my body and mind is different from then but does this mean I don't need to take them? Or they are the wrong ones? Or is it just because I took them on an empty stomach and you are supposed to take them with or after food?
My symptoms were in the list of 'possible side effects'
Worried about taking another one today....

[winegirl]

Hi Kym

Sounds like side effects to me. I am suffering terribly at the moment too with side effects so totally relate to how you are feeling. But yes, I think having them on an empty stomach could have made it worse.

Stick with them if you can as the side effects should lessen, but if you do get concerned go back to your gp.

Let us know how you go x

Winegirl x

[kym]

Well today has just got progressively worse. My friend cancelled on me so wasn't going out. F had his jabs today so J took him, he had 2 hrs booked off to do it 11am-1pm, it took 15 mins to take him and he went back to work early..couldn't believe it..he complains when he doesn't have anytime with us and fu**s off when hes got the chance!
Then my mind started to say..he was cheating..he had booked time off so he wouldn't have any jobs to do..so where was he going? I know this is just these irrational thoughts but when it's happening it's so real.
Most of my anger is toward him, we've had loads of problems with his ex being a pain, she's very immature and I don't think she realizes she's messing with a family, not just a couple..J had to change his number because she was giving him funny calls from different numbers. He had had the number for years and was a little pissed off about changing it..of course my state of mind the way it was..I took it the wrong way and started accusing him of all sorts. I'm not normally a jealous person, its these thoughts in my head telling me stupid things.
Thinking about having another tablet, maybe bring me up, I'm just scared I will feel like yesterday..I was incapable of doing anything

[cheshire]

Hi Kym,

Just wondered how you're feeling today?

Hopefulx

[kym]

Hi hopeful,
feel a lot better today. After my last post yday, got worse and worse. Started having horrible irrational thoughts, so decided to take a tab. I had a slice of bread while taking it as wasn't going to take it on an empty stomach again.
And although I still had side effects, similar to the day before..they were a lot milder..and felt calmer.
When J got in from work, I told him I was upset at him going back to work early, he said I was falling asleep on the sofa so didn't think I would mind.
When I took Venlafaxine last time, I'm sure it took a few days/week to kick in but I seem to be effected quicker this time round.
I am finding writing it all down is really helping too.
I have to go out to get nappies today, so am going to go to the local shopping center and have a wonder round, this I would normally avoid as I have my daughter with me too, she's 3 and it can turn into a bit of a nightmare, but really need to get out..haven't even opened the curtains today

[kym]

Well it's saturady morning and instead of the nice family day together, I'm left alone with the kids again.
This morning J bought me flowers, did the shopping, fed the kids. Part of me knew there was an alterertive motive behind it all and I was right.
I've decided to stop drinking because thats when my thoughts of harming myself become real, emptied the last of my bottle of wine down the sink.
Hope this helps.
Baby F has been really hard to settle to sleep over the last 2 days, he was sleeping through, only waking once but for some reason he's unsettled. Doesn't help much.

[monica]

Hi

how are you doing today? I don't know much about the antid you're on but I found in the first 2-3 weeks I felt worse.

You sound a bit hacked off with your oh? Did he have to go out? From your previous posts he does sound quite nice and supportive. I wish that my bf could have sat down with me and discussed my symptoms or gave me any sort of affection - he was a complete and utter shit to me. Sorry - don't mean to suggest your overreacting or anything of the sort - it was just reading what you've written made me wish my bf had been kinder.

Well done on the drinking front. I found that drinking more than a bit made me feel out of it.

Enjly your evening. Hope baby is more settled.

Love

Monica