Post by newbymummy on Oct 20, 2007 17:21:58 GMT
It's been a while since I logged on.The last few weeks have been so hard. I hope that starting a diary on here will help me start to make sense of it all.
Firstly my entries onto here may be a bit intermittent as I dont have the internet at home so can only log on when I get access to relative' s PC.
My other half knows Ive been diagnosed with pni. He has periods of depression himself and I always try to be supportive but dont always feel that I get the same in return.
For the last four weeks he has been working nights. This has put extra strain on us but Ive tried to be supportive, remain positive etc etc whilst coping with our baby on my own night and day.
We have been married just over three years and have worked with Relate on our relationship twice in that time, for about 6 wks on both occasions. When we got married he moved to my neck of the woods (his choice, I didnt force him) which is about 30 mins in the car away from his neck of the woods (so not that far). I drive, he doesnt.
This has become more and more of an issue. If he wants to go and see his family (which usually entails a Sat night in the pub) I dont go along. Ive always felt that bcos he moved to my area it was wrong of me to curtail him and so Ive accepted him staying out on Sat nights shud he want to. Ive also done my best to encourage him to learn to drive and also to fit in round here but hes never made any real effort to do so, just wants to revisit his old haunts and friends and family whenever the mood takes him.
I felt that after our second stint with Relate we had put his resentment about him not being that close (distance wise) to his family to bed. Seems I was wrong. For a few weeks Ive been worried about his increasing emotional distance (apart from him working the nights) so I did something awful this morning - I looked at his text messages. Found one that he had sent to a mystery number saying he wasnt happy, he misses his family and feels like a kept man - whatever the hell that means. Ive challenged him on it - he says the msg was sent to his sister but I know that wasnt her number - either way I am devastated that hes been hiding his true feelings YET AGAIN and just feel that hes pulled the rug from me once more after me trusting him again and I told him to go and I was crying and he started crying and said he didnt want to but I told him Im best left alone. I just feel that our marriage is built on this fabric of secrecy, why cant he be upfront with me.
What really hurts is that he always said that all he ever wanted was a wife and family of his own and that I am the love of his life. Why cant he be content with his life, he always seems to feel the grass is greener elsewhere (ie back where he came from). I just dont know what to do but I have to carry on for the sake of my baby boy.
X
Firstly my entries onto here may be a bit intermittent as I dont have the internet at home so can only log on when I get access to relative' s PC.
My other half knows Ive been diagnosed with pni. He has periods of depression himself and I always try to be supportive but dont always feel that I get the same in return.
For the last four weeks he has been working nights. This has put extra strain on us but Ive tried to be supportive, remain positive etc etc whilst coping with our baby on my own night and day.
We have been married just over three years and have worked with Relate on our relationship twice in that time, for about 6 wks on both occasions. When we got married he moved to my neck of the woods (his choice, I didnt force him) which is about 30 mins in the car away from his neck of the woods (so not that far). I drive, he doesnt.
This has become more and more of an issue. If he wants to go and see his family (which usually entails a Sat night in the pub) I dont go along. Ive always felt that bcos he moved to my area it was wrong of me to curtail him and so Ive accepted him staying out on Sat nights shud he want to. Ive also done my best to encourage him to learn to drive and also to fit in round here but hes never made any real effort to do so, just wants to revisit his old haunts and friends and family whenever the mood takes him.
I felt that after our second stint with Relate we had put his resentment about him not being that close (distance wise) to his family to bed. Seems I was wrong. For a few weeks Ive been worried about his increasing emotional distance (apart from him working the nights) so I did something awful this morning - I looked at his text messages. Found one that he had sent to a mystery number saying he wasnt happy, he misses his family and feels like a kept man - whatever the hell that means. Ive challenged him on it - he says the msg was sent to his sister but I know that wasnt her number - either way I am devastated that hes been hiding his true feelings YET AGAIN and just feel that hes pulled the rug from me once more after me trusting him again and I told him to go and I was crying and he started crying and said he didnt want to but I told him Im best left alone. I just feel that our marriage is built on this fabric of secrecy, why cant he be upfront with me.
What really hurts is that he always said that all he ever wanted was a wife and family of his own and that I am the love of his life. Why cant he be content with his life, he always seems to feel the grass is greener elsewhere (ie back where he came from). I just dont know what to do but I have to carry on for the sake of my baby boy.
X
