Post by Bobyn on Nov 24, 2007 15:57:29 GMT
It's been a few days since I've had time to sit down and write but I do want to keep this going so here's an update on the rest of the week...
It's been one of those weeks it's safe to say. Wednesday got slowly worse after I posted on this site. My lovely hubby came home and told me that he would be working early on Friday and home late - brilliant. I knew he'd be back late from the training course and had arranged my day around this with the eldest having tea with a friend to allow me to get the baby to bed at home. But he said he'd had an email through that day telling him to get to the course early. I didn't react too well, mainly due to the way he said it. He just told me rather than asking or talking to me about it first. He said it was because he was scared of me and my reaction. It just really annoyed me that he hadn't called and asked if it was ok. I know I had no choice but it made me feel like he just takes it for granted that I will do all the childcare and doesn't ever appreciate how hard it is some days. It ended in a huge row and I was seething for days until today I would think.
I hate the way that anything to do with the children is up to me to sort out, their swimming lessons, schooling, childcare, food, clothing, christmas the list goes on and on. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I told him that if I go back full time when the kids are at school to do training or something then for that period of time he'll have to start thinking a bit more and learn to say no. Where would he find childcare that starts at 6.45am and finishes at 6.30pm??? He just expects that of me without a second thought - well not any more perhaps!!
On Thursday I was mean to Freya and felt awful about it. Robyn was sleeping and I was trying to juggle cooking lunch and cleaning with helping her make a card and she wouldn't listen and wanted attention so opened the glitter I'd told her not to. It went everywhere and I got really angry and told her off, and then (I'm so ashamed even writing this but I need to get it out...) I got her telescope that we'd made earlier with 2 toilet roll tubes and broke it in front of her. She was devasted and I felt so nasty afterwards. Later on that day I apologised and then made it again for her and we decorated together. She was so pleased so I felt that I'd made up a bit but it doesn't excuse such a childish and mean reaction from me.
We finally got our washing machine to work Thursday and Friday went ok. I managed the long day and even got Freya to preschool on time and we actually had quite a good day. It really empowered me and made me realise that I don't have anything to fear from being on my own with my children. And that I can entertain them and make them happy. So after a difficult week I'm able to see some light at the end of the PNI.
The rescue remedy is definitely a brilliant device, even if it's only in my head, just taking 2 minutes to spray it on my tongue seems to help. And now my husband understands how I feel a bit more and is trying to be more supportive of my emotional needs. Plus I'm back being active on the committee for the charity for special needs children that I volunteer for and that felt good. I know I'm valued and they listen to my opinion and I'm able to make a real difference to others through my work with them.
Today CParcs changed my villa number and thanks to SianyC I managed not to have to drive there and explode like the nuclear man in Heroes. I also managed not to be too rude to the silly lady at Cahoot who sent out my new credit card in my maiden name - I've been married over 3 years!!! I am calm and looking forward to writing my letter of complaint about Freya's new preschool to the school's board of Governers later this week - I won't even start that story as I'll lose all my newfound calmness... I feel that I'm starting to come back - and unfortunately for some I'm coming back fighting!
Despite it being a pretty hard week I'm feeling quite positive about life and the future.
It's been one of those weeks it's safe to say. Wednesday got slowly worse after I posted on this site. My lovely hubby came home and told me that he would be working early on Friday and home late - brilliant. I knew he'd be back late from the training course and had arranged my day around this with the eldest having tea with a friend to allow me to get the baby to bed at home. But he said he'd had an email through that day telling him to get to the course early. I didn't react too well, mainly due to the way he said it. He just told me rather than asking or talking to me about it first. He said it was because he was scared of me and my reaction. It just really annoyed me that he hadn't called and asked if it was ok. I know I had no choice but it made me feel like he just takes it for granted that I will do all the childcare and doesn't ever appreciate how hard it is some days. It ended in a huge row and I was seething for days until today I would think.
I hate the way that anything to do with the children is up to me to sort out, their swimming lessons, schooling, childcare, food, clothing, christmas the list goes on and on. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. I told him that if I go back full time when the kids are at school to do training or something then for that period of time he'll have to start thinking a bit more and learn to say no. Where would he find childcare that starts at 6.45am and finishes at 6.30pm??? He just expects that of me without a second thought - well not any more perhaps!!
On Thursday I was mean to Freya and felt awful about it. Robyn was sleeping and I was trying to juggle cooking lunch and cleaning with helping her make a card and she wouldn't listen and wanted attention so opened the glitter I'd told her not to. It went everywhere and I got really angry and told her off, and then (I'm so ashamed even writing this but I need to get it out...) I got her telescope that we'd made earlier with 2 toilet roll tubes and broke it in front of her. She was devasted and I felt so nasty afterwards. Later on that day I apologised and then made it again for her and we decorated together. She was so pleased so I felt that I'd made up a bit but it doesn't excuse such a childish and mean reaction from me.
We finally got our washing machine to work Thursday and Friday went ok. I managed the long day and even got Freya to preschool on time and we actually had quite a good day. It really empowered me and made me realise that I don't have anything to fear from being on my own with my children. And that I can entertain them and make them happy. So after a difficult week I'm able to see some light at the end of the PNI.
The rescue remedy is definitely a brilliant device, even if it's only in my head, just taking 2 minutes to spray it on my tongue seems to help. And now my husband understands how I feel a bit more and is trying to be more supportive of my emotional needs. Plus I'm back being active on the committee for the charity for special needs children that I volunteer for and that felt good. I know I'm valued and they listen to my opinion and I'm able to make a real difference to others through my work with them.
Today CParcs changed my villa number and thanks to SianyC I managed not to have to drive there and explode like the nuclear man in Heroes. I also managed not to be too rude to the silly lady at Cahoot who sent out my new credit card in my maiden name - I've been married over 3 years!!! I am calm and looking forward to writing my letter of complaint about Freya's new preschool to the school's board of Governers later this week - I won't even start that story as I'll lose all my newfound calmness... I feel that I'm starting to come back - and unfortunately for some I'm coming back fighting!
Despite it being a pretty hard week I'm feeling quite positive about life and the future.
xx
