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Post by winegirl on Nov 30, 2007 18:29:49 GMT
Hi Bobyn
Glad you are feling better hun. I really hope baby takes to the bottle really soon and starts gaining some weight! Let us know how things go at the hospital?
WG x
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 1, 2007 15:03:36 GMT
I've removed this post and put a bit in the relationships section instead as it's passworded and I don't want anyone to stumble on this post by accident...
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Post by winegirl on Dec 2, 2007 20:11:45 GMT
LOL - o I wonder whatever happend to Cinderella...
I think relationships are always the same after kids, bills and PNI. Perhaps looking at T gives you thoughts of a life without all this. But then if you had had all this life with T then you prob wouldnt feel the same about him as you do now.
I am sure the PNI is blowing things out of proportion for you a bit hun too which wont help.
How are you doing today?
WG x
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Bobyn
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Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 3, 2007 17:02:48 GMT
You're so right Winegirl. I know that really that is the case and I'm feeling mch more sensible about it all today. I talked to my OH this morning and told him that I'm feeling weird at the moment. I tried to talk to him over the weekend but he just started to get angry so I backed off, but then felt really low as I need to be able to share with him how I'm feeling. Anyway, we've got a talk planned for tonight and a hug booked in after the kids are in bed so I feel much more positive about us.
I've had quite a nice day today and enjoyed being with Robyn, who is now whinging to get up from her little nap, so I'm off to enjoy her smiles and watch her trying to roll over. Don't babies learn and grow so quickly - it feels so much faster this time round, probably because I'm enjoying it more and want her to stay cute and little.
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Post by winegirl on Dec 3, 2007 18:38:25 GMT
Hi Bobyn
Yeah, I have kind of always wanted my littl one to never grow up! But always seem to be fascinated with whatever stage she is at. Glad you had a good day hun, long may they continue!
WG x
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Bobyn
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Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 4, 2007 20:48:15 GMT
I watched the Channel 4 programme about PNI last night and felt so weird watching the way the baby reacted to the Mum initially. It made me look back at how my first daughter was with me and I could recognise so much of our relationship, the way she wouldn't let me comfort her and I felt like she was rejecting me, and the difficulties in being a Mum and worrying I would turn out to be awful at it. My own Mum wasn't exactly awful but she never made me feel safe or protected from her old boyfriend. And then I felt the fear that I would turn out to be physically abusive like he was whenever I got angry at her.
It's really made me realise and appreciate how different it is for me this time. I think that I would have benefitted from similar therapy with my first one to process all the emotions and experiences of being a Mum, but this time round I feel that I just have PNI, pure and simple. It's not directly linked to any particular situation which is why I thought I wouldn't get it this time round. I've dealt with all my childhood and have moved on to have good relationships with both my parents and their new partners yet I still have PNI. I guess maybe it's why I'm able to deal with it a bit better as I'm just fighting the PNI and not having to put my family life in order too.
The best bit about watching the programme was realising that I'm not like that with little Bobs this time and that she always looks to me for comfort and attention. So something really positive came out of last night for me. And crying on my OHs shoulder while he watched it with me and talking to him about how it made me feel guilty about Freya allowed me to grieve for the baby that Freya was and put some closure on it with his support.
Today I made a special effort to have time and patience for Freya and we made cards together and had a friend of hers over for tea. I really enjoyed her company and feel that my relationship with both girls is the best it's ever been. Now for the OH!!!!
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Post by winegirl on Dec 4, 2007 20:56:27 GMT
Hi Bobyn
I watched the programme last night too and it had a proffound effect on me as well. I am glad that I watched it though, and I am pleased that they got the right support too.
I am glad you have had a nice time with Freya today, I cant wait till my little girl and I can sit and do things like that together, must have been a great time x
Hope tomorrow is good for you x
WG
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Post by Scarlet on Dec 6, 2007 8:46:03 GMT
Hiya Bobyn,
How are you hun?
Glad you had chance to watch the Ch 4 programme and it helped you. I think it's very helpful to actually see a programme where they show things as they are.
I think the therapy shown on the TV should be offered to all women who have PNI (in an ideal world of course). It would save a lot of money and expense in the long run, but then I suppose the multi-national drug companies would kick up a fuss, as they may notice a drop in their sales of ADs.
Childhood experiences can most definitely contribute to this dreaded illness, and I'm so sorry that you never felt safe and protected at times when you were a child. But I am glad that you have now managed to resolve lots of issues with your family the first time around, and that this time you feel differently about your PNI. It will be much shorter lived this time hun.
The best bit about watching the programme was realising that I'm not like that with little Bobs this time and that she always looks to me for comfort and attention.
I feel like this with my little boy, he's a real mummys boy and his eyes light up when I come into the room. I feel a real bond with him now. But I was very much like the lady on the programme for the first 3-4 months (didn't see the programme but my friend told me about it).
So something really positive came out of last night for me. And crying on my OHs shoulder while he watched it with me and talking to him about how it made me feel guilty about Freya allowed me to grieve for the baby that Freya was and put some closure on it with his support.
I'm pleased that you were able to do this, you sound like you have a very supportive OH.
You are doing fine hun, and I hope you are having a good day today.
Love and hugs
Scarlet X
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Post by monica on Dec 6, 2007 10:03:49 GMT
Hi
Glad you are feelign better. I havent been around much but you're posts sound so more positive - as if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel - and you sound so much more confident. Good for you girl.
Monica
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Post by sianyc on Dec 6, 2007 12:52:21 GMT
Hang in there - the meds are clearly working for you and making normal life manageable.
I just want to say - don't be scared to write about your bad days - I know you and I know that you have a perfectly crafted 'I'm doing wonderfully' mask
Anyway, you can cyber kick me if I'm out of line x
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smiley
Senior Member
Posts: 268
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Post by smiley on Dec 6, 2007 20:40:32 GMT
Hi Bobyn
I just wanted to say that I think you are really brave to be dealing with pni for a second time. It sounds as though you are doing really well too. Keep your chin up and keep strong and you will get thr the bad times.
Smiley
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 8, 2007 16:53:42 GMT
I haven't had much free time to write this week and have had a migraine by the end of almost every day. I'd ready to chuck out my idiot useless OH today. I spend my entire week running round trying to get everything done in the house whilst looking after the 2 girls and he can't manage to do anything at the weekend despite me being around to take the girls. At 4.30pm today he decided to go and buy a christmas tree without any thought as to Robyn's feeding times, Freya teatime and the other things that needed doing.
When I asked him what he thought the priorities were to get done he said that he'd bath Freya then she could eat dinner with us at 5.30pm. When I asked what he thought Robyn would be doing at this time eh said he'd forgotten about her!!!! What a dick. Can you imagine if men were full time house husbands? I'm sure there are men out there who manage to do ok but my OH isn't one of them. He just ignores the kids if he can and wants to do the fun stuff only with them. I am so tired of carrying the family along. Freya and I stupidly wasted an afternoon this week making cards for his family and friends which I'm certain he won't get round to sending.
Meanwhile he tells me to take it easy and he'll do stuff at the weekends or evenings whenever I tell him what a busy day I've had. This week I started the week by planning the chores that needed doing every day including taking Robyn to yet another consultant appointment. He didn't even look at it. Everything is my responsibility and my problem. He even forwarded me a work email telling me that the childcare voucher provider is changing and they need some details of the nursery we use, as if I should sort that out and he's incapable of calling them himself. I'm the Mum so I have to do it because it's to do with the children.
Looking back at my last entry I felt the same then. Our relationship is hitting rock bottom again and I really feel I'd be better off without him. Can men never look at the house and see what needs doing? Can they not see a full washing bag or a crack that needs filling in the bathroom or an ironing pile or dirty floor? Do they get conditioned by their mothers to be that way?? Actually don't even get me started on the MIL and her influence on his behaviour!
Arghhhh, at least that's all out now and not making my headache worse. It's not been a particularly bad week apart from him. The consultants went well and I'm to stay dairy free and Robyn's to stay on losec, and I'm to keep an eye on Robyn's weight over the next 4 months and then see them again in April time. I think Robyn's getting ready for solids but I'm trying to wait until after her last set of jabs on the 20th Dec before I start. She's started getting up in the night again and being very hungry and chewing her hands in the early evenings. She's still a little star.
Freya's not such a star the last 2 days. Been getting up in the night and trying to get up at 5.30am, hmmm nice try! Her behaviour's been not great as she's been tired and she's been playing up a bit, like tipping another pot of glitter on the floor deliberately when I was putting Robyn to bed because 'she didn't want me to be with Robyn'. I was not amused and put her straight to bed and then spent the next half hour tidying up the mess, oh joy!
Here's to a better week next week with the OH. I'm almost dreading christmas week as he'll be off and home for so long and under my feet. I have to plan each day to get through everything and he just wants to sit on his arse and do nothing. It drives me crazy...
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Post by sianyc on Dec 8, 2007 22:51:35 GMT
Hey lovely
The short answer is that NO men can't do anything without a list. You'd think that the list would help though wouldn't you?
I think you really need to talk to him.
Things just didn't get done was I was at my worst. Gary needs a list , whether written or verbal, otherwise I work all day on his day off and come home to a complete pit with the washing basket still full and the post not even opened.
I still did all the lists when I was like that as I needed to organise it all to feel in control of at least something.
Do you mind doing it as long as he sticks to it? Or does he just ignore the lists too?
Thinking of you lovely - call me if you want to chat xxx
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Dec 9, 2007 13:28:31 GMT
I talked to him last night and wrote him a list which seems to have helped. This morning he got up and looked at the list and started to work his way through it. I feel a bit mean but that's my day to day life and I know for sure I wouldn't get anything done without a list to work through. There's no way I could remember all the little things that need doing. It also means that if I have a bad day I can just move things from the list to another day in the week and not feel guilty or awful for not doing them as I can see that it's ok to have a day 'off' and things won't fall apart. So we'll see how he (and I)) get on this week...
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Post by sianyc on Dec 9, 2007 18:26:35 GMT
I hope it works. It'll take a load off just knowing that there's 2 of you doing the boring stuff. You're likely to feel a bit better towards him when he's helping out more too cos it's a practical sort of support.
It won't always be like this I promise x
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